Hi all, This story is a pseudo-crossover (ripoff?) with a popular SF film. Which one? well, you should be able to tell that from the title. This is also my first attempt at a (somewhat) "straight" story, and therefore any and all comments would be welcome in that regard. All characters and situations, real or imagined, are used without permission. Hopefully, no one will sue me. :) Here follows "They Love", by Steven Han, 8/9/1994. Enjoy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7:55 a.m. Monday Morning FBI Headquarters Scully walked into the basement office, dressed for another day of investigative work. She looked over to the side of the room, and saw Mulder kneeling in front of a TV monitor. "Morning, Mulder", she said, as she put her portfolio down on her desk. She looked over at Mulder again and asked, "What's so interesting, Mulder? get another shipment from your adult-video-of-the-month club?" "Joke all you want, Scully - I think I'm on to something here.", said Mulder, as he reached down to the VCR to rewind the tape. "What is it this time, Mulder? Vampires? Little men from the center of the earth?", snickered Scully, sitting down at her desk. "No, it's much bigger than that, Scully", said Mulder, getting up. He motioned to Scully and said, "Scully, come here, I'd like you to see this." Scully, who had just gotten comfortable in her chair, groaned and got up to join Mulder by the monitor. She looked at him wryly and asked, "So, Mulder, who is it you're chasing today?" "Just look at the monitor, Scully - it's the ultimate evil force of the twentieth century." said Mulder, as he pressed the 'Play' button. Scully looked at the monitor, and shook her head. "Mulder, that's Barney and Friends! is this another joke?", she asked incredulously. "Scully, you're not taking this seriously. I happen to believe Barney is a tremendously evil influence upon our youth. And I think he's using unnatural means to achieve his aims. I think we should investigate." Scully looked at Mulder, expecting him to crack a smile at any moment. Mulder's expression, though, was dead serious, and after a while, she realized that he was not joking. She moaned, "Oh for chrissakes, Mulder", and buried her face in her hands. She went on, "Mulder, You've really flipped this time. Maybe Skinner was right about you after all", she said, shaking her head. "There's undeniable proof, Scully. Look. This VCR can play the tape backwards", Mulder said, as he reached down to the controls. Soon, Barney and friends were cavorting in reverse motion. "See that, Scully? did you hear that?", exclaimed Mulder excitedly. "Hear what, Mulder?", said Scully, uninterested. "Just there, on the tape. In Barney's speech, played backwards. Here, I'll play it again", said Mulder, rewinding the tape. "Wurgleamgrris....grfburreksy...", went Barney. Mulder pointed excitedly at the TV. He went on, "Scully, it's right there! How can you miss it? Barney's saying 'Follow Me'!", said Mulder, as excited as a five-year-old with his first set of Loc-blocks. "Give me a break, Mulder - you're imagining things", was Scully's terse reply. Undaunted, Mulder went on. "But Scully, how can you refute this evidence? And besides, look at the circumstances. Barney and his show have only been on television for a couple of years. And yet, he's revered by kids, worshipped, in fact. No other television figure has ever garnered such unfathomable, unwavering support, except perhaps for some televangelists." Scully countered, "But Mulder, this is nonsense! Barney is just a harmless TV character. Now I agree he may not exactly be the ideal role model for our youth - in fact, he's probably not much more than eye candy, but he's certainly no demagogue. Personally, I think you must have run out of UFOs and mutants to chase after, Mulder." Smiling at her disbelief, Mulder responded, "Well, Scully, I think it's actually good that you're skeptical. I appreciate your objectivity; I really do. I realize you're going to need more evidence, but I'll have it soon. Come on, Scully, we're taking a little trip." "A trip, where is it this time, to Never-never land? or Sesame Street?", asked Scully defiantly, crossing her arms and planting her feet. "No, it's nothing like that. We're just going to hop on over to the other side of town. Less than an hour's drive.", said Mulder, putting on his coat. 9:01 a.m. Mulder and Scully walked up to the entrance of an abandoned church. Mulder knocked on the door, and moments later, someone cracked the door slightly and peered out. "What's the password?" asked the shadowy figure. "It's me, Fox Mulder" "I don't care who it is; what's the password?" "Look, I said it's me, agent Mulder. I don't know the silly password", said Mulder impatiently. "Well, how do I know it's you? It could be an impostor for all I know", said the figure suspiciously. "Damn it, Cricket!", said Mulder, and pushed in the door. "Ow! my head!", said the figure, backing away from the door. Once the door was open, Scully saw that the man was holding his forehead and wincing in pain. He protested, "Damnit, Mulder! I told you we had procedures to follow!" "Yeah well, I guess I just forgot. Where's Cliff?", Mulder asked. "He's in the back", said Cricket, still rubbing his forehead. Mulder led Scully through the abandoned pews, and around the preacher's platform to the back room. Entering the former pastor's offices, they found a group of men huddled together around a large table in the center of the room. There were also others sitting around at smaller tables, working at portable computers and talking on the phone. Looking up, one of the men at the center table began to speak. "Well, Mulder - it's about time you showed up." Another man spoke. "Is this your skeptical friend, Mulder? She's hot!" Scully rolled her eyes, thinking - not again! Others joined in. "Yep, she's hot, alright!" "Hot hot hot!" "Hot mama!" "Yeowzers!" "Woo woo!" "Whoa, bay-bee!" "Babe-a-roni!" "Babe-a-rama!" "Babe central!" "The babemeister!" "The FBI's most babe-a-licious!" Mulder finally cut in. "All right guys, break it up." He turned to Scully and said, "By the way, Scully, these are the Lone Bowmen." Turning back towards the men, he asked, "What's the latest on Barney?" One of the men got up, and Scully surmised that he was Cliff. He began to speak. "Well, Mulder, I think we're finally on to him. We believe he's communicating his message to his audience through a low-intensity carrier wave fed continuously from his TV complex. The signal is received and processed by the human brain on a subconscious level. Here, Mulder, take this.", he said, handing Mulder a pair of dark sunglasses. "A solar eclipse coming, Cliff?", Mulder quipped, as he gazed at the glasses. "Not quite, Mulder, it's actually..", began Cliff. Just then, they heard the doorman Cricket screamed out, "They're here! RUN! run for your lives!" Mulder and Scully glanced at each other, and then at Cliff. Cliff was momentarily frozen with panic, then yelled, "Alright, everybody! grab the stuff and get out! we'll rendezvous at base Delta!" He turned to Mulder, and shouted "You too! you guys, run for it, now!", and quickly turned to gather up some items from the table. Mulder and Scully stood stunned for a moment, while they saw the men scurrying about before them, grabbing papers, boxes, and computers. Others had pulled out pistols and rifles and were headed out towards the front door, with a grim look on their faces. Moments later, Mulder and Scully were jarred by the loud sounds of automatic gunfire from outside the room. "Everybody! we're outta here NOW!" yelled Cliff, with a terrified look on his face. Not hesitating another second, Mulder grabbed Scully's arm and dragged her towards the back door. Making their way past men carrying boxes, Mulder and Scully exited through the back and into the parking lot. Scully paused to observe men hurriedly loading vans, but was yanked away by Mulder towards the side street. Observing from behind some trees a safe distance away, Mulder and Scully saw the vans driving off. From off to one side of the parking lot, they saw the last of the vans backing up to the church exit, with several of the lone Bowmen standing nearby, guns drawn. From inside the church, they heard more sounds of gunfire, along with muted screams and cries of agony. Moments later, they saw several of the Lone Bowmen running out of the building, some of them limping. They jumped into the back of the van, under the protective cover fire of the Bowmen standing by the van. The last of the Bowmen then jumped into the van, which screeched off the parking lot and onto a side street. Several men then dashed out of the building, spraying machine-gun fire in all directions. They were dressed in spotted purple commando suits and black hoods, and carrying AK-47s. The commandos saw the Bowmen's van as it exited the parking lot, and opened fire on it, smashing the rear window. The van continued on, however, and sped down the street and out of sight. "Whoa, Mulder - what just happened here? we have to report this and call in reinforcements!", said a nervous Scully. She reached for her cellular phone to dial headquarters. "It's too late, Scully. They're leaving", motioned Mulder. Off in the distance, on the curb beyond the church, the purple commandos were climbing into the back of a nondescript black van. "Mulder, we've got to do something! We can't just let them get away", exclaimed Scully. "Do what, Scully? walk up to them and flash our badges? we're way outnumbered and outgunned here, Scully. We can't move in now", replied Mulder in frustration. He wanted to jump out and apprehend the felons as much as Scully did, but he knew that any such rash attempt against men with automatic weapons would only get himself and Scully killed. As the van drove off, Mulder got up to get a good look at the plates. Unfortunately, there were no plates to bee seen on the vehicle. "Damn it! Damnit to hell!", yelled Mulder, shaking his fist in frustration. 12:25 p.m. FBI Headquarters Scully finally finished briefing the other agents about the incident. A task force had been established to investigate the group, now believed to be terrorists. Mulder had not been so certain, and had spent the past two hours in the corner of the briefing room, quietly sulking and mulling things over. As they walked back towards their office, Scully began. "Mulder, what is it? I get the feeling you don't believe they were terrorists." "Terrorists? in a sense, perhaps, but not in the way you think. We still have a number of unanswered questions.", mulled Mulder. Entering their office, Mulder walked over to the monitor and played the Barney tape once again. "If only I could get some solid evidence...", he muttered. He knelt down to get closer to the TV screen. Unknowingly, he reached into his pocket, and begin playing with the sunglasses that Cliff had handed him. Suddenly, he froze in place, suspended in thought. He looked down at the glasses. After pausing for a second, Mulder unfolded the sunglasses and put them on his face. Looking back up at the monitor, he was horrified by what he saw. Through the mysterious glasses, Barney had undergone a hideous transformation. The lovable purple dinosaur was now a horrible, ghastly alien creature, complete with a black exoskeleton, gigantic claws, and rows of huge, sharp teeth. As Mulder looked on in shock, he began to sense that Barney's words also were starting to sound twisted. It took him a few seconds to realize it, but the glasses somehow enabled him to ascertain a secret message buried in Barney's words and songs. At first, his ears told him that Barney was just singing his famous trademark "I love you, You love me" song. However, his brain was somehow translating it into a different message. The words slowly began to form in his head. "...Your parents are evil... I know what is best for you... Honor me.. Worship me... Follow me...", was the insidious message. Horrified, Mulder drew back from the TV screen. Not quite able to believe what he saw, he removed the glasses and inspected them for abnormalities. Looking back at the TV, Mulder was surprised to see that the hideous alien had turned back into Barney the friendly purple dinosaur. The evil words had also returned to a sane form, and he could hear Barney singing, "... We're a happy family..." Convinced that the vision must have been an aberration, Mulder tried putting the glasses back on, and was instantly treated again to the image of the horrible creature and his corruptive words. Shaking his head, he repeated the procedure several times, always with the same effect. By this time, Scully had begun to notice Mulder's strange and erratic behavior. She walked over to his side and asked, "Mulder? is everything okay? Are you all right?" Mulder looked up at her, and saw a look of concern on her face. Just out of curiosity, he tried peering at her through the glasses. No difference. He was greatly relieved. Mulder got up, and started. "Scully - I found out what these glasses were that Cliff gave me. Here, try them on, and you'll see.", he said, pushing the glasses towards Scully. "Mulder, I'm not going to try on any silly glasses. We have work to do.", said Scully, pushing the glasses aside. "But Scully, just look through the glasses, and you'll see", persisted Mulder. "No, Mulder - I haven't got time for this. *We* haven't got time for this. Those terrorists could strike again at any time." "Scully, please - just indulge me, okay?", pleaded Mulder. "No, Mulder, forget it. Just put those silly glasses away.", replied an annoyed Scully. "But Scully, don't you see? these glasses are the key to everything.", said Mulder, getting impatient. "Mulder, I said I wasn't going to try on the glasses. Now listen to what I'm saying", chided Scully, like a mother putting up with an unruly child. "Scully, don't be so closed-minded. Save your skepticism for another day, and just put on the glasses, okay?", insisted Mulder. "*MULDER*, look. Your friends, the Lone Bowmen or whatever, those guys from the church, they could be in great danger. Those terrorists went after them once, and they could go looking for them again. We have to track them down!", said Scully, her expression getting more angry. "Damnit Scully, those weren't terrorists! Just look through the damned glasses, and you'll find out!", said Mulder, thrusting the glasses towards Scully. "Damn the glasses, Mulder! I'm not trying them on!", Scully yelled, and knocked the glasses out of Mulder's hand. "Now we're needed upstairs in the situation room!" Mulder was infuriated. "Scully, damn it, if it's the last thing I do, I'm going to make you try on these glasses!" With a single fluid motion, Mulder bent down to grab the glasses with one hand, and grabbed Scully's arm with the other. He lifted the glasses to Scully's face to try and put them on her. Scully turned her head away from him and yelled, "No, Mulder! get that thing away from me! I'm not trying on any damned glasses!" Mulder then put his arm around Scully's waist and pulled her next to him. He raised his other hand up to Scully's face once again. Scully waved her arms around wildly, trying to knock the glasses out of Mulder's hands. "Damn you, Mulder! have you gone insane? What is wrong with you?", yelled Scully, as she continued flailing her arms, trying to break free of Mulder's grip. "Scully, you've got to do this! Scully! it's for your own good!", shouted Mulder, but Scully grabbed his arm and bit into it. "*Yeeeouch*! Scully, Ouch! stop that!", yelled Mulder, pulling his arm back. Scully seized upon this opportunity and slammed her elbow into Mulder's stomach. He bent over, having had the wind knocked out of him. He dropped to the floor, wheezing. Scully turned to leave the room, but Mulder, reaching with his last ounce of strength, got up on his elbows and grabbed Scully's ankle. Scully, surprised by the move, turned back and tried to wrest her foot away from Mulder's grip. Having no success, she reared back with all her strength and propelled the foot forward, smacking Mulder squarely in the jaw. Reeling from the blow, Mulder fell back on his stomach, and nursed his jaw tenderly. But just then, he saw Scully turning back towards the door. He reached out with his hand, and held the glasses out towards her, gasping, "Scu-l-l-ly... the glasses...". Scully turned back around and stood over Mulder, shaking her head. "God, I don't know what's gotten into you, Mulder, but this is the most out of control I've ever seen you get. I think you should take a few minutes down there and think about returning to the real world." She added, "You're lucky, Mulder - if it had been anyone else, I would have reported this to internal affairs." With that, Scully turned to leave the room. Thinking for a moment, she turned briefly and snatched the glasses from Mulder's outstretched hands. "This piece of junk belongs in the trash", she said triumphantly, and walked out of the office. Walking through the hallways, Scully felt flushed and confused, still not entirely sure what had just happened to her. Feeling an urge to get some fresh air, she exited the building and strolled out into the Washington afternoon. The midday sun was mighty strong, and she instinctively pulled the sunglasses, which she was still holding, up onto to her face. She began walking down the front steps of the FBI building. Moments later, she was frozen in her tracks. There, not more than twenty feet in front of her, was a D.C. city bus, stopping to pick up some passengers. It seemed ordinary enough, save for a sign on the side of the bus where the advertisements were usually pasted. There, in stark black letters against a white background, was the message "OBEY." Unable to believe what she saw, Scully removed her glasses and rubbed her eyes. Looking back up, she squinted in the sun at the bus. She was relieved that in place of the message was an ordinary Benson and Hedges advertisement. Must've been an hallucination, she thought, and took a relaxing breath. She started to turn away, putting the glasses back on. But as soon as the glasses were back in place, she caught the same sign again, this time out of the corner of her eye. Incredulous, she turned her head back to look at the bus once again. It was unmistakable; the black-on-white sign was still there. Confused, Scully took the glasses off and put them back on several times. Each time the glasses came on, the message became visible, and whenever the glasses went off, the cigarette ad returned. Scully was befuddled, and kept repeating the test until the bus began to drive off. As the bus moved on, she craned her neck to follow it until it passed out of view. Turning her head back, she was stunned by what else she saw. All of the billboards on the buildings, all of the advertisements on the buses and cabs, featured messages in bold black print. "Sleep", said a billboard. "Be Passive" was a sign on a bus. "Conform" was a message on a cab. Scully was stultified, and began walking around to gaze at other signs. Whenever she lowered her glasses and peered at the signs through naked eyes, they appeared to be commonplace advertisements for beer, soft drinks, and antacids. But when she looked at them through the glasses, the signs turned into sinister platforms for subconscious messages. Turning a corner, Scully approached a newspaper stand. Here, she was again taken aback as she saw rows of magazines on display, each bearing a different subversive message. Tilting her head down and glancing over her glasses, she could see that they appeared to be normal, everyday magazines - Time, Newsweek, Cosmo - but when she peered back through the glasses, they carried the messages "Worship", "Behold", and "Submit". Scully realized something very big was going on here. Not sure of what to do next, she turned around to head back towards the bureau, and bumped into a man going the opposite way. Instinctively, she said, "Sorry, excuse me", and looked up. What she saw there chilled her to the bone. It was a tall man, dressed in an expensive coat; but his face - his face was alien and horrifying, a nightmarish, gleaming black skull with long ridges on either side, and with a huge mouth surrounding rows upon rows of razor-sharp teeth. Scully began to scream out in terror, but her training and professionalism managed to stifle the scream to a whimper. "Ahem, *cough*. Excuse me", said Scully, lowering her head. "No problem, lady", said the man-creature. He passed by her and turned to the newsstand to buy a paper. Frozen in place, Scully turned her head slightly to look back at the strange fellow. From behind and off to the side, she could see the creature's head, which had a ridge of thick, pointy scales running down the back. She bent her head down and peered out above her glasses, to see what he looked like to the others. She was surprised to see that he appeared quite normal, almost handsome in a way, with pale skin, gentle features, and light brown hair. But as soon as she lifted her head and looked through the glasses, his hideous monster form was unmistakable. The man paid for his paper and turned back in Scully's direction. She instantly turned her head towards the magazines, pretending to be browsing. She waited for the man to leave, and then let out a sigh of relief. Still unsure of what was going on, she looked around the busy city street. People were coming and going on their lunch hour, and Scully saw nothing of any particular interest. But just then, she noticed two well-dressed gentlemen walking together on the other side of the street. At least, they looked like gentlemen, until she peered closer through her glasses, and saw that they were actually monsters like the first stranger. She continued to look around, and found that there were others. Not many, to be sure, but they appeared here and there. Male and female, young and old, but always well dressed, and always looking important. Scully no longer felt safe in her own city. Not even with the hundreds, even thousands of people around her on the busy street, could she feel secure against these hideous creatures. It was clear that they had the power to plant subliminal messages in the media; who knows how many people may be under their control, she wondered. Then a frightening thought struck her. If these creatures had the power to control people, who was to say that the FBI hadn't been compromised? Or the military, for that matter. Or even the top levels of government. Shuddering at the thought, she turned and walked briskly back towards the FBI building. She no longer knew whom she could trust. She knew Mulder was safe, but who else? Wait a minute, could it possibly be... She had to find out. She entered the building, and headed straight for the elevator. She got in, pressed the button for the top floor, and waited. After reaching the top, She got out of the elevator, still wearing her glasses. She approached the deputy director's office, and casually looked around. Not seeing anyone, she was about to approach the secretary and ask if the deputy director was in. But just then, she saw some top brass approaching from the hallway. She ducked into a corner, and peered out through her glasses. There were three of them, and she instantly recognized two as the same type of hideous creatures she had seen on the street. The third was a human, a senior agent she had seen before. She bent her head down to look out from above the glasses, fearing the worst. Her suspicions were confirmed. One of the creatures was Skinner, and the other was puffing on a cigarette. 1:05 p.m. Scully walked into her office, barely able to control her fear and hysteria. Mulder was sitting at his desk, and upon seeing her approach, made an exaggerated grimace. "What, come back to finish me off, Scully?", he asked. "Mulder, this is no time for jokes.", said Scully, closing the office door and beating back the tears. It was difficult for her to speak through the fear and confusion, but she went on. "The glasses.. you were right, Mulder. They're here, among us. The creatures. They control everything. Even Skinner is one of them.", said Scully, painfully. "What? Skinner? I knew it!", yelled Mulder, jumping up. A frown formed on his face, which turned into a look of rage. "Damn it!", he exclaimed, pounding his desk with his fist. "No wonder he's been causing us all this trouble. That's why he's been blocking our every move.", said Mulder, seething. "But what are we going to do now, Mulder? We can't trust anyone. Whomever we talk to - if they're not one of them, they could have been co-opted. There's no on we can turn to.", said Scully, sobbing. Mulder walked over to comfort Scully, putting a hand on her shoulder. A pensive look came upon his face, but he quickly managed a smile. He started in his reassuring voice, "There *are* still people we can trust, Scully. They're in hiding, but we're due to meet with them in less than an hour." "You mean, your friends from the church?", asked Scully, looking up with swelled eyes. "Exactly. We have to see them and try to get a handle on this thing. But for now, remember - we have to pretend we're not working on this case. Trust no one.", said Mulder. 1:44 p.m. Mulder and Scully parked their car on a busy street, and walked the six blocks to the abandoned warehouse. They took great care to ensure they weren't being tailed, making quick detours and looking into shop windows. They walked into the warehouse through the hidden door in the back. They were greeted by two grim-faced men with shotguns, one of them with a bandaged arm. They nodded to Mulder and Scully, and guided them inside. "Mulder - Scully - did you guys make it out okay?", asked Cliff, coming forth to greet them. "No problem, Cliff. How did your people do?", asked Mulder. "Well, it could have been worse. Several of our guys were injured, but we all made it out. We may not be so lucky next time", said Cliff grimly. "I see. Well, do you have any more information on Barney's mind control mechanism?" asked Mulder. "Well, as a matter of fact, we've received further information from our operatives, and I believe we now have a pretty good handle on his operation", said Cliff. "Here, Mulder, Scully, come on. I'll show you." As Mulder and Scully began walking through the warehouse, some of the men sitting around started to howl, wink, and make lewd gestures at Scully. She glared back at them with an icy gaze strong enough to crack an engine block, and the men reared back in fear. Cliff led the two to a corner of the warehouse, where a map of the city was laid out on a drafting table. He pointed to a spot near downtown D.C., the site of Barney's studio and world headquarters. "Barney is sending out his beam from here. His Satellite uplink dish actually doubles as the psychokinetic beam transmitter. If we can knock out that dish, we can pull everyone out from their waking dream, and this nightmare will be over." "So that's it?", asked Scully. "That sounds too easy. What about the legions of creatures walking about? What's their involvement in all this? And just who exactly is this Barney anyway - the real Barney?" "Oh, those creatures", muttered Cliff. "They're from Barney's home planet. They're his operatives, his agents of influence, so to speak." He continued, "And this Barney, or what you know as Barney, is actually a xenomorph, an alien creature. We believe he hails from somewhere in the Ceta Alpha Tau system." "Anyway, through our operatives in his organization, we've learned that his mission here is to subvert the children of this planet and turn them into his agents. Apparently, his race wants to take over this planet and enslave the population. But they're not willing to engage in a destructive, costly war. Instead, they want a bloodless coup, leaving all the people and infrastructure in place for them to exploit." "This evil creature known as Barney first arrived here on earth in the late 1960s, his mission at the time being to scout the planet for possible conquest. And after seeing the vast natural resources available here, his race decided to engage in a campaign of subconscious subversion to plant Barney in power." "He decided he would require a medium of mass communication, and realized that television was the key. Everyone in the western world had access to a TV, and he figured that with his advanced technology, he could easily tap into this resource." "He used a portable psychokinetic transmitter to pass as a human, and began to gain influence in the production of television programming. At this point, in the 60's, TV technology had not advanced enough for him to link his subliminal carrier wave to the TV signal. So instead, he began a campaign to enfeeble the minds of the TV viewing public, so that they would later be easy targets for the future stages of his psychological campaign." "To this end, he played an active role in producing mindless TV programs like 'Gilligan's Island', 'The Brady Bunch', and even the insidiously titled 'Get Smart', all designed to drain the audience's IQ levels and take away their capacity for logical reasoning. And this effort continued well into the '70s and '80s, with 'Love, American Style' and 'Mork and Mindy', and cresting with his greatest accomplishment, 'The Love Boat'." "Not the Love Boat!", Scully gasped. "Yes, I'm afraid so. And the effort still continues today, with programs like 'Melrose Place' and 'Baywatch'." "Even Baywatch?", asked an incredulous Mulder, mouth agape. "Mulder, don't tell me you actually watch that tawdry show?", asked a surprised Scully. "Well, not really - I just watch to pick up emergency rescue tips.", deadpanned Mulder. Scully merely shook her head. Cliff continued on. "And all this time, while Americans' minds were degenerating into a vegetative state from the corrosive TV programs, the evil Barney called in reinforcements from his home planet in the 1980's to take over important positions in government." "And by this time, the carrier wave had been implemented everywhere in the TV viewing area, in the form of so-called 'Stereo Television'. As it turned out, the stereo decoders present in virtually all modern TVs had a tiny psychokinetic receiver and amplifier built in, in order to receive and spread Barney's psychic mind control carrier waves. So as stereo TV spread, people were fooled into thinking that the evil creatures were just very intelligent humans, and came to respect them and follow them." "And so today, now that the older generation has been effectively neutralized, Barney has appeared in his newest guise, as the friendly and lovable purple dinosaur. His mission now is to capture the hearts and minds of the young generation, who will become his soldiers and lieutenants in the new world order." "So that's why you developed these sunglasses, so that people could see the truth without being hindered by the carrier wave.", said Mulder. "Exactly. And we've been spreading them everywhere. We sneak into drugstores and secretly place them on the sunglass racks. We mail them as free samples to peoples' homes. We even break into unsuspecting peoples' houses and switch our sunglasses for theirs." "Oh, and by the way, here are more glasses, just in case.", he said, handing Mulder and Scully each a new pair. Cliff continued on. "So far, the campaign has been fairly successful. However, our rebellion has been having difficulty gaining much momentum. Barney and his friends are all powerful, and some of his human collaborators have infiltrated our ranks as of late. As a result, we're constantly on the run, always looking over our shoulders." "Well, hopefully we can put an end to all that", said Mulder. "We must launch an assault on Barney's complex, and put an end to his reign of terror." "But Mulder, how can we do that?", asked Scully. "We don't have the support of the Bureau, and we would need an army to go up against Barney's forces." Mulder replied. "Well, we have two good FBI agents here, and a group of brave, if somewhat testosterone-poisoned, but still determined men. We'll figure something out, Scully." 11:55 p.m. Downtown D.C. Outside Barney Enterprises Incorporated., World Headquarters "There's his headquarters", Cliff whispered to Mulder and Scully. They were hiding with the Lone Bowmen in an alley down the block. Cliff continued, "That's where he tapes his show, and where he uplinks his carrier wave to all the other TV transmission systems in the country." He pointed to a gigantic satellite dish sitting atop the building. "What kind of defenses does he have?", Mulder asked. "At least fifty guards with automatic weapons. Plus bulletproof glass around his offices, and a sophisticated security system.", replied Cliff. "Darn, this may be harder than I thought", muttered Mulder. "Mulder, I thought you had a plan?", asked Scully, annoyed. "Don't worry, guys", reassured Cliff, "we have a man, er, person on the inside. She's going to open up the doors for us in the back of the building." "Just who is this person? and can we trust her?", asked Mulder. "Don't worry; she's one of our best people. Her name is Laura J., But we call her by her by her code name, 'Aliskye'. She works in Barney's legal department, and she routinely provides us with key information.", said Cliff confidently. "We're supposed to meet her at midnight." The group slithered their way to the back of Barney's building. They dashed between rows of parked trucks, and snuck up to the outside door of the receiving department. Cliff knocked on the door in a deliberate manner. Knock knock knock, knock knock, was the pattern. It was met by three short raps from the other side. Moments later, a woman opened the door. "Hi Cliff; hi, guys", greeted Aliskye. "Hi, Aliskye", responded Cliff. He continued, "This is agent Mulder, and this is agent Scully. They're from the FBI, and they're on our side." "Nice to meet both of you", Aliskye said. "I wish it were under different circumstances." The group entered through the door and drew their weapons. The Bowmen, contrary to their moniker, carried their prized Heckler & Koch 9mm submachine guns. Mulder pulled out his Glock 22, and Scully withdrew her Walther PPK. Cliff, for his part, reached into his backpack and pulled out his trusty 12-gauge sawed-off pump-action shotgun with pistol grip. Aliskye winced at the appalling display of hardware; she wasn't particularly fond of weapons herself. If the fur started flying, she figured she would just resort to her handy pocket-sized pepper spray. The group stalked and slid through the dark abandoned hallways, and entered the freight elevator. Cliff pressed the button for the top floor. The freight elevator took its time, and it seemed like it would take forever to ascend the thirty floors. Almost out of boredom, Scully asked, "So, Aliskye, what do you do around here?" "Well, I work in Barney's legal department", responded Aliskye. "I make sure that nothing on the show offends anybody. As you might imagine, Barney doesn't need any more trouble than he already gets from the Lone Bowmen." She continued, "Anyway, you would think that a simple kid's show wouldn't contain much objectionable material, but the PC crowd is all over us.", said Aliskye, shaking her head. "Complaints over Political Correctness? for Barney's show?", asked Scully, amazed. "Yes. People have been complaining that the show unfairly exploits dinosaurs, treating them as cartoonish caricatures. They feel that by taking the dinosaur out of his environment, dressing him up in a purple suit, and giving him an idiotic personality, they're destroying all traces of his cultural heritage, crushing his identity and his values. They feel that the dinosaur character has effectively become a homo sapiens-centric, sugar-coated symbol meant to cover up mankind's repression and exploitation of the animal kingdom." Scully rolled her eyes, but Aliskye continued. "They also feel that the female dinosaur on the show is unfairly relegated to a minor supporting role, demonstrating the show's unfair and derogatory treatment of women by casting them in passive, servile housewife-type roles." Scully shook her head, amazed at how much free time some people must have. The elevator finally reached the top floor. The doors slid open unto a dark, foreboding corridor. The Bowmen put drew their weapons and gingerly moved forward, crouching. Winding their way from the maintenance area to the empty main passageways, the only available light came from the full moon shining through the windows. They could just make out the pictures and posters on the walls, which celebrated Barney's numerous successes. On one of the walls, Mulder noticed a huge poster of Barney in all his glory, shining in the clear moonlight. Barney was dressed in a tux and tails, complete with top hat and black cane. He was posing in a dance step, balanced on one foot, with an enormously goofy grin on his face. Mulder was suddenly overcome with a tremendous sense of nausea and revulsion, and felt an almost uncontrollable urge to pop a few rounds into the poster. Common sense got the better of him, however, and he continued on with the group in silence, biting his lip. They approached the door to heart of Barney's lair. It was flanked by an expansive glass wall, with the words "Executive Offices" written on it in bold print. They realized that the door and the sheet of glass were now all that separated them from their target. Reaching for the door, Mulder saw that it had a keycard lock on it. The group crouched down near the floor, and began to peer inside. Through the glass, they could see a reception area in the foreground, and several offices in the distance. The lights were on in some of the offices, and they could hear rumblings of activity. Mulder looked around and saw several armed men in purple suits roaming the hallways. Mulder figured the men were most likely part of the same band that had assaulted the church that morning. The commandos appeared to be guarding the hallways outside the offices. Scully crouched down next to Mulder and whispered, "this glass is bulletproof, Mulder. Small arms fire won't do us much good here." Mulder looked over to Cliff, and asked, "do you guys have any more serious firepower?" Cliff's mouth formed into an big grin, and he slung his shotgun over his shoulder. He reached into his backpack, and pulled out an M16 with attached grenade launcher. He looked over at Cricket, who reached into his duffel bag and pulled out a Rocket-Propelled Grenade launcher. He loaded a rocket, ready to fire. "Boy, you guys sure came ready for business", muttered Scully. "Yup, you bet we did - now, it's time to rock and roll.", said Cliff. He motioned everyone back into the hallway, and took up position with his M-16, aiming straight at the doorlock. Cricket lined up next to Cliff, and aimed his RPG at the glass wall. Aliskye winced, and put her fingers in her ears. "Ready, on the count of three. One, two, three, fire!" A loud pop came from the grenade launcher on Cliff's rifle. Simultaneously, a streak of hot flame shot out from the back of Cricket's RPG launcher. A millisecond later, they saw the lock on the door explode into tiny shards. At the same time, they saw the rocket grenade riding a stream of smoke towards the glass wall. It impacted, creating a giant fireball and smashing the glass into a thousand pieces. The noise was deafening. Amidst the smoke, the team ran forward. Mulder kicked the door down and ran into the executive hallway, followed closely by Scully. The Bowmen flooded in through the newly created opening in the glass wall. The group had caught the security commandos off guard. They were bent over and coughing in the smoke, and Mulder and Cliff's men dropped several of them instantly. Pressing forward, Mulder and Scully went after the executive offices, while Cliff's men chased after the remaining commandos. Aliskye was frozen in place, terrified by the violence. She managed to mutter, "Um, I - I'll stay here and watch the back, guys...." His Glock drawn and ready to fire, Mulder kicked in an office door, and pointed the gun at the lone occupant. Mulder eyed the short, cowering fellow sitting behind the desk, and figured him to be just an innocent- looking low-level assistant. He was about to turn around and leave the office, when he caught a glimpse of the man reaching down below his desk. Just as the man pulled up his revolver and pointed it in Mulder's direction, Mulder turned and pumped three rounds of .40 caliber into the dastardly felon. Just then, Mulder remembered the glasses. He reached into his pocket and put on the shades, and realized that the now lifeless body hunched over the desk was actually one of the space creatures. Better be more careful next time, thought Mulder. Scully meanwhile sneaked up to the next office, and quickly turned and kicked the door. Unfortunately, her heel broke off upon impact, and the door did not budge. Oh shoot, she said to herself, just as she heard two shots hitting the door. Blam-Blam, was the sound from inside the room, as two bullets pierced through the wood, passing just above her right shoulder. Good thing I was born a midget, she thought to herself. She quickly drew away from the door, planting her back to the wall next to the doorway. As she removed her pumps, several more shots rang through the door, and Scully surmised that the weapon was a .38. A revolver! Scully smiled. She planned to attack the door again, while the assailant was reloading. But wait, she wondered, did he fire six shots, or just five? Scully wondered whether she was feeling lucky today. Ah, what the heck, she wondered, and turned back towards the door. Without a moment's hesitation, she kicked the door in with her bare foot. Ouch, that hurt, she thought, as she took up the firing position. Surprisingly, there was no one in her line of sight. Scully pulled back slightly, using the doorway as cover. She peered around the office, and saw no one around. He must be hiding under the desk, she figured. "Come out from under the desk! I know you're in there!", Scully ordered, pointing her gun at the desk. Moments later, a blond woman in her thirties wearing a a Donna Karan suit stood up, her hands raised in the air. She spoke with a nervous voice. "Uh, He-l-lo there, uh, you wouldn't shoot me, would you? after all, you and I, uh, we're just two professional women, trying to make it in a man's world. So, whattya say?" Her eyes pleaded with apparent sincerity. Just then, Scully remembered the glasses. Keeping her eyes fixated on the nervously smiling woman, Scully reached into her pocket with one hand and pulled out her sunglasses. Fumbling with the glasses in her fingers, she looked down briefly to unfold it, and then raised the glasses to her face. She focused back on the woman just in time to see that she was indeed one of the hideous creatures, and was now pulling out another gun from her desk drawer. Without a moment's hesitation, Scully instantly squeezed the trigger, and fired off a pair of 9mm rounds into the creature's chest. The woman reared back, and managed to let loose a single shot as she fell. Scully instantly ducked away, just as the bullet impacted on the wall, inches from her head. Meanwhile, a fierce firefight was raging in the hallways outside. Cliff's men were pinned down by the commandos, who had set up a crossfire zone in a hallway junction. Cliff turned and yelled, "Mulder, Scully! we're in a pretty hot spot right now. We can't get to Barney! We'll keep these guys occupied; you guys go around!" Mulder nodded in Cliff's direction, and started back. Scully joined him in the hallway, and they headed back towards the shattered entrance to the executive offices. Mulder saw Aliskye, who was pacing nervously, hoping to stay out of the mess. "Come on, Aliskye, you're with us", said Mulder motioning. "What? b-but, I'm not a fighter - I'm a lawyer", protested Aliskye. "Don't worry, Aliskye, we just need you to find us an alternate route to Barney's offices.", said Mulder. "well, okay.....", was Aliskye's tepid reply. The three of them dashed towards the side hallway, which led to the executive dining room. These corridors were normally locked after hours, but fortunately Aliskye had a key. They stepped gingerly through the halls, fearful that the firefight just yards away could spread to these corridors. As they turned the corner, they saw several shadows beyond a dark glass door, engaged in a flurry of activity. They approached closer, and assumed position on either side of the door, their backs to the wall. Aliskye stood beside Mulder, hoping another firefight would not break out here. Mulder motioned to Scully, gesturing with his hand. He held up three fingers, then two, then one. He spun around towards the door, fired two rounds at the lock, and kicked the door in. Scully dashed in through the open door, and Mulder followed right on her heels. "Allright, everybody, on the floor, NOW!", yelled Scully, motioning with her gun. Through her glasses, she saw nearly a dozen of the hideous creatures, sitting at various electronic consoles. The creatures sat dazed for a second, staring at the two agents. "I said, down on the floor, *NOW*!", shouted Scully, firing a shot into the air. The creatures reared back, and then dropped to the ground, cowering in fear. "Scully, *DOWN*!", cried Mulder, and she instinctively dropped to the ground, next to Mulder. Looking up, she saw several purple commandos running into the room from a door on the other side, spraying machine gun fire in their direction. Scully heard the torrent of bullets flying just above her head, and could feel the rumble as they impacted on the wall just behind her. Mulder rolled over on his back, and began shooting out the fluorescent lights in the ceiling. Scully realized what Mulder was doing, and shot out the rest of the lights. Moments later, they were lying in the dark. "Get them, you fools!", shouted someone from the side of the room. Mulder and Scully slid across the room, reloading along the way. Fumbling in the dark, Mulder accidentally dropped an empty magazine on the tiled floor, making an unmistakable sound. Instantly, bullets were flying again in their direction, ricocheting off objects and veering off in all directions. Barely able to see or hear, Mulder and Scully covered their heads and slid in behind a table. "What do we do now, Mulder? we're pinned down!", exclaimed Scully, terrified. "Just hold on, Scully - we'll work our way out of this - we always do", replied Mulder. Just then, another burst of shots rang out, accompanied this time by groans and muted cries. Mulder and Scully then heard the unmistakable voices of the Bowmen. "Mulder, Scully, are you guys okay?", yelled Cricket. Mulder and Scully looked up from behind the table, and noticed the Bowmen shining flashlights around the room. "Whew, that was close", muttered Scully. Getting up and looking around the room, Scully saw that the Bowmen had dropped all of the alien creatures in the room. A pretty good job for a ragged band, she thought. "Mulder, Scully, we believe we've located Barney's office. The creatures are making a last stand there. Come on.", motioned Cricket. Mulder looked back at the entrance to the room, and saw Aliskye peeking in to see what had happened. Mulder motioned to her, saying, "Come on, Aliskye, we're in the home stretch." Aliskye managed a nervous smile, wondering when this would all end. She followed the group into the hallway entrance at the back of the room. As they approached a crossing in the hallway, the sound of gunfire grew closer. Turning a corner, they saw the Bowmen crouched in firing positions near a corridor junction, trading shots with commandos positioned somewhere out of view. Cliff was crouched down, barking directions into a radio to some of his men. "That's right; come east through the other offices. We'll flank them on both sides!", yelled Cliff, and then lowered the radio. He then turned to Mulder and Scully, saying, "Well, we managed to make pretty good progress while you guys were gone. The bad guys pulled back surprisingly quickly, and now a dozen purple guys are all that stand between us and Barney himself." Mulder looked over at the men firing their weapons, and turned back to Cliff. Trying to make himself heard above the gunfire, he yelled, "Are you sure Barney doesn't have an escape route?" Cliff turned to Mulder and said, "Nope, no escape - that is, unless he gets to the roof!" Mulder's eyes narrowed. He began to wonder if... Just then, one of the Bowmen yelled, "they're down! we're clear!", and the men charged forward. Cliff got up to join them, and Mulder, Scully, and Aliskye followed. Up at the front of the pack, Cricket stepped over a pile of purple bodies and approached the door to Barney's office. In reality, the door was now actually less of a door than a collection of bullet holes held together by tiny slivers of wood. With a single motion, Cricket kicked the door down, and jumped through the smoke, his submachine gun pointing the way. Mulder and Scully also jumped through the door, guns drawn, along with the rest of the Bowmen. As the smoke cleared, they noticed dead bodies on the floor - purple commandos and monster executives in Armani suits, but no Barney. "Damn it!", yelled Cliff. But as everyone was looking around at the bodies, Mulder caught sight of a door closing in the distance. "There!", he pointed, and the group turned and dashed towards the door, marked "Roof access". Mulder moved towards the door to open it, but Cricket pushed him aside, and pulled out his RPG. And before Aliskye could tell him that the door had no lock, Cricket yelled "Heads up! look out behind!", and blew the door to kingdom come, spewing pieces of wood and dust everywhere. After an extended moment of coughing and waving off the dust, Mulder gave Cricket a dirty look, and proceeded through the door and up the stairs. Cricket merely shrugged his shoulders in innocence, and reloaded his launcher. The others also proceeded up the stairs, following Mulder onto the roof. Opening the door to the roof area, Mulder was suddenly hit with a bright light and a blast of hot air. Turning away and raising his arm in front of his face, he looked over at the source of the wind. His jaw dropped, and he stood there, transfixed. Cliff, Scully, Aliskye, and the rest of the Bowmen came up behind him, but they also froze in awe. What they saw there was a gigantic spaceship, nearly four hundred feet in length. It was shaped like a blimp, with colored lights grouped in parallel bands ringing its exterior. It was hovering just above the roof, shining a bright light below it. The light was blinding, and illuminated the entire roof. Peering through his sunglasses, Mulder could see that the ship had several nozzles near the bottom, which were the apparent sources of the powerful gusts of hot air. Looking painfully through the bright light and intense heat, Mulder saw Barney running towards the entrance to the spacecraft. Mulder tried yelling out towards Barney to stop, but his voice was drowned out by the noise of the craft. Determined, Mulder raised his Glock to the big purple creature, but the wind was too much for him, and he could not maintain a steady aim. The Bowmen also attempted to fire their weapons, but none hit their mark. Through the blinding light, Mulder could make out a door opening on the bottom of the vehicle, and saw Barney climbing inside. The door then closed just as quickly as it had opened, and the craft began to lift off. The light and heat from the craft now became more intense than ever, and the group ran to seek cover behind some structures on the roof. Cricket aimed and fired an RPG at the departing craft, but the impact from the rocket did not even dent the ship. Mulder could hear Cricket cursing in the background. As the ship rose and ascended to the heavens, Mulder and the group got up to gaze at the departing craft. Looking up at the ship, Mulder began to appreciate the beauty of the vessel, with its glittering, mesmerizing lights, and its graceful flight profile. It was so... so beautiful, so gorgeous, so elegant in a way, Mulder thought. Just then, he was shaken out of his hypnotic state by the loud boom of a rocket exploding behind him. He turned around to see that Cricket had let loose an RPG on the transmitter dish, which now lay in pieces. "So much for that", uttered Scully. Turning his head and looking around, the reality of the past few minutes finally began to sink in for Mulder. It was now over - the monstrous beings had been destroyed, and Barney's grip on the populace had been lifted. It was too bad Barney had gotten away, but his empire was destroyed nonetheless, thought Mulder. Aliskye walked up next to Mulder, shaking her head. "Well, I guess I'm out of a job now", she lamented. Mulder smiled, and turned to her. "Don't worry, Aliskye", he reassured. "My father is a bigshot at Fox Corporation. In fact, my father named me after the company." "Your first name is Twentieth-Century?", asked Aliskye. "No, no - it's Fox", said Mulder, smiling. He went on. "And I believe he has a opening in their TV broadcasting division, in the legal department. They need someone to make sure their programming doesn't tick anybody off. Do you feel up to the assignment?", Mulder asked. "No problem, Fox - I believe that's right up my alley", cheered Aliskye. Scully approached the pair, holstering her pistol. "Well, looks like everything's wrapped up here, Mulder", she said. "With the evil transmitter gone, I think everyone will see things in a new light now." "Yup, Scully, our job here is done", remarked Mulder. He looked up at the stars, and paused. He then looked back down at Scully and Aliskye, and went on. "But we must remain ever vigilant, lest Barney or someone of his ilk return to pollute our airwaves again. We must ensure that our minds never again be clouded with such subversive filth. I'm only watching Mystery Science Theater 3000 from now on.", said Mulder, looking off in the distance. "Me too, Mulder", replied Scully, gazing at the beautiful nighttime sky. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 1:55 a.m. Descending to the bottom of Barney's building in the executive elevator, Mulder and Scully began to breathe freely for the first time in hours. It was finally over, all of it. Or so it seemed. It had only been about twenty minutes since they had destroyed the evil transmitter and sent Barney scurrying off in his spaceship. In addition, it was still the middle of the night. As a result, they didn't expect that people would have awoken from their dreamlike state yet. But they were wrong. As he stepped out of the elevator and entered the foyer, Mulder noticed a buzz of activity outside the building. Through the glass expanses of the lobby walls, he could see and hear activity in all directions. Police sirens, ambulances, cars speeding off - it seemed like the aftermath of an earthquake. "Mulder, I don't like this. What do you think is going on?", wondered Scully. Just then, Cliff and some of his men descended from the next elevator, and walked up to Mulder and Scully. Cliff looked at the two of them, and began. "I have bad news, guys. It looks like Barney had a contingency plan for just this kind of a situation. Our contacts report that all of his secret operatives are pulling out, leaving destruction in their wake." Cliff paused to wipe some sweat from his brow, and began to elaborate. "Reports are coming in from all sectors that Barney's creatures, now having been fully exposed, are wreaking havoc everywhere. Apparently, as they're retreating, they're blowing up key points of communication. It appears that they're planning to regroup at an as-yet unknown location." "Mulder, we can't let that happen! if they manage to regroup, they could strike back at any time!", yelled Scully in fear. "Don't worry, Scully. Now that Barney's agents are running with their tails between their legs, so to speak, we should finally be able to get some help from the Bureau and law enforcement agencies. Come on, we have to go wake up some agents.", said Mulder, heading towards the front door. FBI Headquarters 2:45 a.m. Fortunately, the creatures had been unable to sabotage the bureau headquarters building, at least not yet. After calling and waking up numerous agents on the drive over, Mulder and Scully dashed into the building and alerted security. The building was placed on full alert, and no one was allowed to enter or leave the building without a thorough security check. Heading into his office, Mulder wondered who in the top reaches of the government had actually been Barney's agents. He thought of a few officials in the White house whose policies and judgment he had seriously questioned, and... but there no time for that, he realized, and shrugged off the thought. The important task now was to figure out where Barney and his band would be meeting to regroup. Scully, for her part, hurried over to her desk and began dialing up the home of the D.C. police commissioner. No answer. Strange, she thought, that the police commissioner would not be home at nearly three in the morning. She tried his office number, also with no luck. But then she realized her mistake. She flipped the pages in her personal phone directory to find someone lower down in the chain of command. Scully finally got through to police commander Roberts, who had returned to his office an hour ago in response to all the heightened criminal activity. Speaking rapidly, Scully was able to convey the magnitude of the situation. Commander Roberts found the story of the alien creatures difficult to believe at first, but Scully's accounts were backed up by reports from his men in the field. Roberts pledged his full support, which was easy since he was no big fan of Barney himself. He also told Scully that there was heavy activity reported out near the western edge of the city. Mulder got a call on his cellular phone, and heard Cliff's voice on the other end of the line. "Hurry, Mulder, we found out where Barney's crew are meeting. They're gathering in a park on the western edge of town. We'll meet you there." Mulder got up and turned towards Scully. "Come on, Scully, we're needed in a park..." Scully cut him off. "Yes, on the western edge of town. I'll drive." 4:30 a.m. As they sped towards the western edge of the city, Mulder and Scully saw pockets of fighting breaking out in the streets between police and well-dressed lizard creatures. A number of cars were overturned, and others were engulfed in flames, lighting up the nighttime sky. Through her driver's side window, Scully briefly glanced at several creatures poised behind a station wagon, exchanging gunfire with policemen arched behind cars on the other side of the street. One of the female creatures was wearing a Bob Mackie original and bright red heels, which unfortunately clashed with her AK-47, Scully noticed. As they neared the park, they saw an all-out war breaking out in the distance. Police cruisers, state trooper cars, and SWAT trucks ringed the eastern perimeter of the park, and huge spotlights and floodlights lit up the park's interior. The lawmen stood perched behind their vehicles, furiously firing their weapons towards shadowy figures lurking in the distant grass. Scully pulled the Taurus up behind some police vans and got out. Peering between the vehicles, she saw hundreds of the creatures off in the distance, positioned behind overturned park benches, trees, and trash cans. They were putting up a determined resistance, firing back furiously with automatic weapons. Scully walked around to the back of the Taurus, and pulled out a couple of bulletproof vests. She wondered how much good they would do against automatic rifle fire, but she removed her coat and put the vest on anyway. Mulder came up next to her and began putting on a vest himself. "Mulder, Scully! Glad you guys made it!", yelled Cliff from a distance, motioning them to come in his direction. Mulder and Scully walked over to Cliff and the Lone Bowmen, who were being restrained by several D.C. police officers. "Mulder, can you please tell these guys we're not kooks?", asked Cliff impatiently. Mulder smiled and flashed his badge to the policemen. "It's okay, officers - these men are um, contractors to the FBI. They're assisting us on this case.", said Mulder. As Mulder and the Lone Bowmen walked away from the police guards, Cliff snorted, "Pretty good line there, Mulder." He glanced back at the policemen, and seeing that they had turned away, gave them a dirty look. Cliff turned back to Mulder and said, "Mulder, good thing you're here. It's imperative that we stop these creatures here, before they escape. Otherwise, they'll return before we know it, and next time, they'll be back in force." Mulder responded flatly, "Well then, we'll just have to stop them here, won't we." The group snuck up and approached the front lines of the battle, hunching over to avoid the flying bullets. Mulder walked up behind the SWAT commander and tapped his shoulder. Flashing his badge, Mulder asked him, "Tell me, officer - what's the situation?" The officer turned his head, and seeing the badge, filled Mulder in. "Agent Mulder, we've had these guys pinned down for the past twenty minutes. We think they're going to cave in; it's just a matter of time!" Just then, they were startled by a set of bright multicolored lights flashing all around them. Looking up, Mulder saw a giant craft approaching from the heavens, apparently the same craft that Barney had escaped in just a few hours ago. It descended swiftly, and set down on the park grass behind the creatures' front lines. Mulder borrowed a pair of binoculars from the SWAT officer, and peered out at the landing craft. Through the lenses, Mulder saw a door opening on the bottom of the craft, and surprise surprise, a purple creature stepped out. It was Barney! He must have come to preside over the final battle, Mulder figured. It seemed strange, though, that Barney still appeared in his dinosaur form, even after his transmitter had been destroyed. Mulder surmised that Barney must be using his personal psychokinetic beam transmitter to project his dino form. Once a goofy dinosaur, always a goofy dinosaur, Mulder figured. As Barney descended from the craft, legions of purple soldiers poured out from the doorway behind him. And as soon as the last of the commandos stepped out, the craft lifted off, departing as quickly as it had arrived. The purple commandos dashed forward, moving towards the front lines. They took up positions alongside the yuppie creatures, and began firing back at the police with high-powered plasma weapons. Stunned, the police force ducked under their vehicles for cover. The creatures' powerful particle beams punched through the steel in the police cars as if it were paper. Mulder, Scully, and the Bowmen dropped down behind the street curb, wondering what to do next. "Mulder, we can't fight back against weapons like that!", yelled Scully. Mulder realized she was right, and looked over at the SWAT commander. He was hunched down on the ground, shouting into a radio. "Commander! when are we going to get some reinforcements?", Mulder yelled. Turning in Mulder's direction, the commander lowered his radio and responded confidently, "Not to worry, agent Mulder! help is on the way!" Moments later, Scully felt a thumping, beating noise from the ground. The noise grew louder, and she realized the sound was actually emanating from the air. Soon, she recognized the distinctive sounds of helicopter rotors beating through the heavy nighttime sky. Looking up, she saw four choppers approaching from the south. But she noticed that they were not ordinary police copters. The roar of their powerful twin turbines was deafening, drowning out all other sounds in the area. As they approached closer, Scully identified them as National Guard helicopter gunships. Approaching low at high speed, the cobra gunships opened fire on the alien creatures. Flames leapt forth from their 30mm gatling guns, and bright tracers cut through the nighttime sky. Scully looked up and saw the white traces erupting from the guns and connecting with the creatures poised in the park. Sharp noises accompanied the traces, followed quickly by horrible alien screams of agony. As the choppers passed overhead, Scully saw bright streaks of flame erupting from the backs of the rocket pods attached to the choppers' stubby wings. The pods spat out scores of long, cylindrical rockets, which blazed a path towards the barricades set up by the evil creatures. The rockets impacted on the trees and park benches, blowing them up into thousands of tiny shards. The evil alien bodies hiding behind them were thrown about in the ensuing explosions, landing moments later in tiny bits and pieces. The copters zoomed past the creatures' front lines, and turned back towards the friendly side. The remaining alien soldiers took potshots at the turning choppers, hitting one of them. The chopper began spewing smoke, and split off from the pack to return to base. The remaining force turned around for a second pass. Coming at the band of evil aliens from the east this time, the gunships let loose their remaining rockets in a torrent of destructive fury. The rockets exploded in the midst of the enemy's crack commando forces, creating thundering explosions and spewing body parts in all directions. Passing over the enemy, the copters' gunners used their helmet-mounted sights to target individual aliens with their turret-mounted 30mm guns. A short burst from the mighty cannon was enough to turn each creature into a cloud of fine green mist. Sweeping over the enemy band, the copters turned around and made a third pass, and then a fourth. Finally, with their ammunition spent, they turned back to return to base. Turning to look at the departing choppers, Scully saw the pilots waving at the friendly forces. She thought she briefly saw one of them winking at her, but she shrugged off the thought. Looking back through his binoculars, Mulder could see Barney off in the distance, frantically looking about and barking orders in frustration. His forces had been decimated by the air assault, and what was left of his band was now in full retreat. Mulder saw Barney jumping up and down, shaking his tiny dinosaur fists in frustration. Mulder realized that their opportunity was now at hand. Getting up, he yelled to his colleagues, "They're in disarray! Let's move in!" Bolstered by the success of the air attack and by Mulder's cheer, the force of policemen and Bowmen vigilantes rushed up and charged the creatures' front line in mass. They ran forward at full speed, yelling cheers at the top of their lungs. "Die, you alien scum!", was one police sergeant's cry; "Go to hell, you Barney bastard!", was a Virginia state trooper's yell. Dashing towards the enemy positions, Mulder saw the creatures up ahead, running away at full speed. They were pushing and shoving each other aside, trying to get away from the charging masses behind them. But it was all to no avail; they were being mowed down left and right by police gunfire. Soon, only Barney and a few of his soldiers were left standing. Suddenly, the charging band was stopped in their tracks by a powerful gust of hot air, accompanied by a flash of blinding light. Oh no, the craft has returned to retrieve Barney, thought Mulder. The police force stopped and hesitated, fearful of the gigantic craft. Mulder and Scully, however, pressed onward, accompanied by the Lone Bowmen. There, not more than a hundred feet in front of them, were Barney and his minions, running furiously towards the descending craft. Mulder and Scully weren't about to stop now, after all they had been through to get to this purple monstrosity. "Barney! stop!", Mulder yelled out, still running in the purple creature's direction. Barney heard Mulder's yell, and turned briefly to look at the pursuing agent. He stood there for a second, gazing curiously at Mulder, while his troops ran by him towards the ship. Barney tilted his head left and right, then shrugged his shoulders. He turned back and continued his dash towards the ship, taking his big, arcing dinosaur hops. As Barney approached the spaceship, the door opened on the bottom of the craft, and his troops started pouring in. As the last of Barney's minions made their way inside the craft, Mulder saw several of them turning and standing inside the doorway, urging Barney towards them. With the chasing band now just fifty feet behind him, Barney approached the edge of the entrance, but stopped and turned to the crowd. Apparently unable to resist one last act of defiance, Barney looked at them and yelled in his dopey voice, "Duh, by-eee, kidz! I wuvv yeu aww! I'll bwe bwack!" Infuriated, Mulder knew he would never get another chance at this. He knelt down on his right knee, poised with grim determination and precision, and balanced himself with his other foot. Fighting the powerful gust from the ship, he carefully lined up his pistol in front of him, his right arm fully extended, elbow locked in position. His pulled his left hand over to brace his right wrist, forming a solid delivery platform for his weapon. He closed his left eye and lined up the purple dinosaur in his sights, momentarily pausing his breath. His body and his weapon became one, an entity whose sole purpose was to rid the earth of this most heinous of all evil creatures. The newly created being reveled in its purpose, and ever-so joyfully squeezed the thin metal trigger. "Like hell you'll back", muttered Mulder. The group saw Barney reeling backwards, stunned. The single round had impacted in Barney's ample belly, leaving him in a state of momentary shock. Mulder now definitely had Barney's attention, and the creature paused to stare at the audacious gunman. Without hesitation, Mulder squeezed off another round, and then another. Scully joined in, emptying her Walther in a matter of seconds. Both reached into their jackets to reload. The Lone Bowmen also seized upon the opportunity, and took up the firing position. They carefully aimed their submachine guns, and poured out 9mm shells in a cacophony of glee. The torrent of gunfire continued on in an orgy of madness and destruction. The purple dinosaur was pounded left and right, battered to and fro by the unending deluge of fiery pellets. He was doing the dance of death, stepping in time to the glorious symphony of bullets, and the audience was loving every moment of it. Several minutes and thousands of rounds later, all that was left of Barney was mere a shell of his former self, a hideous, bullet-ridden piece of purple swiss cheese. Green blobs were oozing out of the countless holes in his furry purple hide, and he could barely balance himself on his two gigantic feet. "Time to finish this thing", said Cricket, pulling his RPG launcher over his shoulder. Seconds later, a grenade was on its way towards the purple menace, carried aloft by a plume of fluffy smoke. It drew closer and closer to the purple demon, as the crowd watched with bated breath. The moment seemed to last forever, as they tracked the projectile with wide, eager eyes, as if following a tennis ball in a match from hell. Finally, after what seemed like hours, but which were really just milliseconds, the rocket met its target. The grenade exploded in a fantastic display of pyrotechnics, sprouting up an orgasmic flash of yellow and orange flame. The tongues of fire danced their magnificent waltz of joy around Barney's scorching body, as if to celebrate their brief and tragic existence in this universe. The audience could almost reach out and feel the eroticism and ecstasy embodied in the wondrous medley of dancing, searing flames. The moment seemed to last forever, as the crowd watched the licks of flame frolicking in their enchanting dance of death. As Mulder and Scully looked on, the joyful blaze grew into a spectacular inferno of madness, consuming the purple monstrosity in a conflagration of devastation. The flames reveled in their banquet of destruction, sizzling and crisping every last bit of the round, rotund reptile. Barney's immolation was truly a marvel to behold. The delightful performance finally concluded, putting an end to the spectacle in a puff of enveloping gray smoke. All that remained of the brilliant performance was a smoldering black carcass that soon crumpled to the ground. Seeing what had happened, the spacecraft quickly closed its doors and lifted off, soon disappearing into the heavens. Mulder stood and stared at the departing craft for a moment, and then noticed the crowd gathering around the smoldering heap that had been Barney. Scully walked back from the smoking pile of Barney parts, shaking her head. "Well, I guess that takes care of this case. Just another day at the office, eh, Mulder?" "Yup, Scully, just another day at the office.", said Mulder, squinting into the rising sun. THE END