Don Pardo: "LIVE, FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "FIGHT THOSE GIGGLES," THE GAME SHOW WHERE CONTESTANTS COMPETE IN TICKLING COMPETITIONS TO SEE WHO CAN ENDURE THE MOST TICKLE TORTURE! AND NOW, HERE'S OUR HOST AND STAR OF THE SHOW, CHUCK BARRIS!!!!!!!!" Chuck: (SINGING)-"everybody calls me Chucky, though Chucky's really not my name! Then why do people call me Chucky..." suddenly, the curtain crashes down on Chuck. Enter Gene-Gene, the Dancing Machine.. Gene-"We'll be back with our contestants and more stuff, right after this message!" COMMERCIAL Chuck-"AHHH, welcome to our show! and now, let's meet our celebrity panelists. First, I won't say that this guy has a big nose, but he's the only guy I know of who goes into intensive care when he gets hay fever-JAMIE FARR! Second, comes the Mistress with the mostest, ELVIRA, MISTRESS OF THE DARK! Finally, last but not least, juicy JAYE P. MORGAN!!!!!" "And now, let's meet our contestants! First up is a sweet young thing from Marina Del Rey! Now, I won't say this blond haired, blue eyed beauty is sweet, but my blood sugar shot up 30 points just having a conversation with her! Her she is, a part time movie actress, former ice skating champ, Lynn! Lynn, what do you have to say to the studio audience?" Lynn-"Oh, Chuck, I think I can win at this game! As a former ice skating star and active athlete, I KNOW all about endurance! I think I can laugh forever!" "Thank you, Lynn! Our second vict-uh, contestent is from Houston, Texas. Now, I won't say that this gal is stuck up, but she sings "My Eyes Adored You" every morning-while looking in the mirror! Meet this red headed computer programmer and Stuck Up Rich Princess, Ashley! Ashley, what do you have to say?" Ashley-"OH MY GOD, YOU LITTLE GEEK GET AWAY BEFORE I FREAK I'M A BABE AND YOU ARE NOT, YOU CAN'T HANDLE WHAT I'VE GOT! refrain NYA, NYA, NYA, NYA, NYA, NYA, NYA NYA, NYA, NYA, NYA, NYA, NYA, NYA HAHAHA, DON'T ME ME LAUGH! I WANT A WHOLE AND NOT A HALF! YOU WET YOUR PANTS, I'M SO SURE! TO BAD WIMPITIS HAS NO CURE! I'M TOO HOT, TOO HOT, TOO HOT FOR YOU! (refrain) I'VE GOT A BITCHIN' BOD AND AWESOME FACE! I'M GOD'S GIFT TO THE MALE RACE! I'M THE QUEEN OF BABES SUPREME, BUT YOU'LL ONLY SEE ME IN YOUR DREAMS! YOU UGLY, STUPID, WIMPY SCUM! YOU ASKED ME OUT, YOU MUST BE DUMB! YOU CAN BEG UNTIL YOU'RE BLUE! BUT YOU'RE NOT EVEN FIT TO LICK MY SHOE! I'M TOO HOT, TOO HOT, TOO HOT FOR YOU! Ya know, I only go out with good looking guys, cause I'm a good looking girl and......" (IN THE BACKGROUND, A THUNDEROUS GONG RINGS OUT!) Chuck-"My God, Jay! Why did you gong Ashley?" Jay P Morgan-"I thing we should hang her by her feet and... (GIANT CARD FLASHES ON SCREEN-"WHOOPS!) Chuck-"Folks, that was no expletive deleted! It was to keep our contestants from finding out what they are in for! And, for our third prison-uh, contestant, meet the former manager of WWF wrestler Randy Savage, the Lovely Elizabeth, the beautiful brunette, and the First Lady of Wrestling! Tell me Elizabeth, how do you think you will do in our various tickling competitions?" Elizabeth-"To tell you the truth, Chuck, this is the first time that I'll be competing in anything without a prepared script by Vince McMahon! Not even Rich Mancuso knows who will win! By the way, shouldn't Jesse Ventura be here to provide color commentary?" Chuck-"uh, no, Elizabeth, I'm the star around here. Now, our final contestant is-uh, it appears she is a little apprehensive! Bring her in folks!" Elvira-"ooooh! I'll just wave my fingertips and POOF-she'll float over her, just like that! How's that for a laugh!" Chuck-"Here she is, our final captu-uh contestant! A 5' blond sprite from Dallas, Charlene! Charlene, what's wrong?" Charlene-"Chuck, I'm nervous! Tickle my feet and I'll tell you or do ANYTHING to make you stop!" Chuck-"That's right, Charlene! That is what is going to happen to all of you! And, of course, all four of our contestants have had their feet softened for the tickling to come! Jamie Farr, tell us what our mistresses have done to our contestants! Uh, Jamie?" (Jamie Farr is asleep.) Chuck-"Well, let's just go to our mistress in charge, Mistress Carla, a 6' tall black haired beauty! Carla?" Carla-"Hi, everyone! I'm the Top Tickler around here, and my four little weaklings have had their feet pampered to soften and weaken them more than ever! The four little wenches had a powerful softening lotion rubbed into their feet-a combination of Vaseline, Keri Lotion, and lemon juice. After the concoction was rubbed into their feet, I covered their feet with cotton socks, and wrapped their feet in plastic bags, securing the plastic bags around each ankle with a rubber band. This was done last evening before they went to bed; they slept with their feet encased in the socks and plastic bags. The combination of the lotions and perspiration from the feet served to moisturize and soften their tootsies even more! Their feet were freed from this one hour ago, and their feet were washed and buffed with a pumice stone to remove ALL rough spots! After the clean up was finished, we adorned their feet with slippers with VERY thick fur lining!" Chuck-"Oh, Carla, you have everything taken care of!! Now, I'll turn the game over to your "sole" leadership!" Carla-"Thank you, Chuck! Now, our contestants will be put through THREE different tickle tortures! Lynn, Ashley, Elizabeth, and Charlene-step forward and have a seat!" All four sit in their chairs; their wrists are strapped to the chair. Four large buckets are brought out by assistants and secured to the floor, in front of each contestant. All four girls have their feet locked into each bucket. Carla-"Now, the first competition is the Foot Powder competition. The four of you will have your feet soaked in our special foot powder, which will make your feet itch FEROCIOUSLY! And, when you scratch an affected area, the itching gets worse! So, to assist you in your itching, will be my four assistants-Marcy, Marlene, Maria, and Mary. The have been trained well, and can take such torment! They will rub their feet against yours, compounding the itching even more! Each of you will win $1 for every second you can tolerate the itching. You will signify that you are ready to stop by saying, `uncle'. The MAXIMUM time the contest will last is 15 mintues, or 900 seconds! Since there is no laughter involved, this will be the easiest of the competitions. Your endurance will depend on your abilities to withstand the most nervewracking sensations of all! You'll need nerves of steel!" (the competiton begins) 1 minute Lynn-"oooh, that tickles! It feels so good though!" Ashley-"YOU'LL HAVE TO DO MORE THAN THIS TO MAKE ME CRACK!" Elizabeth-"This is NERVEWRACKING! I don't know how long I can hold out or if I'm supposed to last the whole 15 minutes; at least Vince McMahon gives me a script to follow when I'm a manager!" Charlene-"NOOOOOOOO! I'm going crazy; my feet itch too much!" 5 minutes Lynn-"tee hee, tee hee, this isn't torture, this is fun!" Ashley-(squirming violently against her binds) "EEEEEEHHHH, AHH, POUR IT ON-GOD, THIS IS DRIVING ME CRAZY-I'LL NEVER GIVE!" Elizabeth-(biting her lips uncomfortably)-"This is AWFUL-ooohh, I'm going out of my mind!" Charlene-"ooooh, hahaha, ahhhhh, this tickles too much; c-c-can't h-hold out much longer-aaaahhhhhh!" 10 minutes Lynn-"my feet f-f-feel like they have a terminal case poison ivy- this is-hahaha-starting to get to me! I have to hold out!" Ashley-(screaming in terror)-"C-c-can't take much more-NO! I'm not giving up-OH GOD, my feet-the itching-driving me crazy!" Elizabeth-"ooooooh, aaaaaahhhh, I never knew I was such a tenderfoot!-can't take much morrre!" Charlene-(trying to keep her composure)-"1001, 1002, 1003...have to keep my mind occupied-1004, OH GOD, this is tooooo much! Can't stand it anymore!" 13-15 minutes Lynn-"Tee hee hee hee hee, hahahaha, I have to make it--hahahaha, it tickles sooooo much-worse and worse-(BELL RINGS-Lynn lasted the entire 15 minutes)-OH, it's over!!!!! That was fun!" Ashley-"NO MORE, NO MORE, NO MORE-I MEAN KEEP IT UP! U-U (bell rings and Ashley lasted 15 minutes)-UNCLE! Oh, I just barely beat the bell! Elizabeth-"eeeeeee, I have to hang on-this is too much--my feet- the itching--hahahaha-starting to crack-tee hee hee hee hee-tickles too much-OK, OK,-no don't stop-OH GOD-(bell rings-15 minutes)-I don't know how I did it!" Charlene-(shaking violently in her seat, in tears)-"I CAN'T ST- STAND IT! AAAAAAAAAHHHHH, EEEEEEEEEEE, NO MORRRRRRRE- WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?!?!?!????? CAN'T STAND-OKAY, OKAY, (BELL RINGS- END OF 15 MINUTES) UNCLE!!! oh God, I barely beat the bell!. The four girls are release from the chairs. Lynn jumps right up, none the worse for wear. Ashley jumps up, exhausted, but rejuvenated. Elizabeth is shaky, but manages to get to her feet. Charlene, in tear, collapses on the floor. Carla-"Well, somehow all four of you survived! Of course, many people do last through the entire time limit on the itching powder. However, there are other competitions to go! The next competition is one requiring much more endurance! The 15 minute soak in the powder have sensitized your feet even more! Now, here is our next competition: Make Me Laugh! The soles of your feet will be tickled with a feather; the object of the competition will be to keep from laughing as long as you possibly can! One dollar for each second that you don't laugh! Time limit will be 5 minutes! Lynn: That will be TOUGH! I can laugh forever, but I don't think I'll be able to keep myself from laughing! Ashley: GO AHEAD, TRY IT!!!!! YOU'LL NEVER MAKE ME CRACK! Elizabeth: My gosh! Me and my friends used to do each other when we were little girls-I NEVER could last! Charlene: (eyes wide with terror) NO! I'LL DIE!!!!!!!!!! All four contestent are strapped to their chairs, and their ankles are locked in the stocks. Carla's four assistants are armed, each with a big feather. Carla: Oh, by the way.....all 4 of you will be tickled for ENTIRE 5 minutes, so bursting out laughing will be of no relief to any of you! Again, the idea is to weaken your resistence! OK, assistants-MAKE THEM LAUGH! The tickling begins 30 seconds Lynn is biting her lips, her feet twitching and squirming Ashley is doing the same, but bucking violently against her binds Elizabeth's is somehow keeping relaxed, smiling gently, but keeping in her laughter Charlene's entire body is quivering, as she struggles not to laugh 1 Minute Lynn is fighting back a smile; her jaw starts to quiver Ashley is rolling her head, her eyes wide, fighting the sensations Elizabeth's lips start to quiver; she's struggling Charlene's entire body is still quivering; tears roll down her cheeks 1.5 Minutes Lynn is now smiling ear to ear; her head shakes as she fights the urge to laugh! Ashley-HAHAHAHAHAHA-I C-COULDN'T T-TAKE IT-HAHAHAHA-ANY LONGER! Elizabeth bites her lips and squirms against the binds that hold her; her eyes are wide with terror Charlene is sobbing; her lips are beginning to quiver, struggling to keep out the laugher 2 Minutes Lynn is now biting her lips through her smile; her eyes squint shut, she is fighting so hard not to laugh Ashley-HAHAHAH, TEEHEETEEHEE, S-STOP, IT T-T-TICKLES!!!!!! Elizabeth-same as before, but tears are rolling down her cheeks Charlene-AAAAAAAAUGH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NO MORE, PLEEEEEEASE! 3 Minutes Ashley and Charlene are in hysterics; Charlene is crying at the same time, Lynn and Elizabeth are in a battle to keep from laughing. Lynn seems to have weakened, as tears start to flow from her eyes. 4 Minutes Ashley and Charlene are laughing harder by the second. Carla approaches Lynn and Elizabeth: Are your little tootsies a little too ticklish? Lynn and Elizabeth nod in agreement, both in tears. Carla: Well, suppose that while the feathers tickle the bottoms of your feet, my long fingernails will scrape along your toes! (she goes to work on Lynn and Elizabeth) 4.5 Minutes Ashley, Charlene AND Elizabeth are in uncontrollable hysterics Lynn is in tears and shaking violently in the chair 5 Minutes Lynn bursts into tears and laughter when the 5 minute bell rings- "I almost passed out!!!!" she exclaims through her sobs. Carla: Well, let's see how you all have done. Lynn as lasted through both competitions: 20 minutes, or $1200. Elizabeth last 19.5 minutes: $1170. Charlene has 17 minutes credit, for $1020. Ashley, you aren't as tough as you say you are. You fell apart on the Make Me Laugh competition, and have lasted 16.5 minutes, for $990. However, here is the big competition: The Foot Tickling Endurance Test. There is NO time limit on this, and you get a dollar for each second of tickling you endure. That last competition has taken a lot out of all of you; we should make quick work of all four of you in no time! This time, it will be more than a feather tickling the soles of your feet! Each of you will slip into the Magic Sandals! Notice that the numerous rubber prongs on sandles will lift your feet up. Between the rubber prongs will be small electrodes, which send vibrating stimulation on your soles, which tickle even MORE than the feathers or long fingernails! Heightening the tortue even more is the fact that all four of you will be standing the whole time, increasing the tickling sensations even more! Also notice that there will be feathers placed between your toes, and that those feathers are attached to very powerful vibraters! To give, just cry "Uncle!" (All four girls look in horror. All 4 step into the sandals, and are locked in. Each girl is tied to a pole coming up from the floor, forcing them to stand. A switch is thrown) 5 Seconds L-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-THAT FEELS WONDERFUL! A-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-I'LL OUTLAST EVRYONE THIS TIME E-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-NOT EVEN RANDY SAVAGE WAS EVER THIS MEAN TO ME C-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-STOOOOOOOOOOOOP! MY F-FEET T-TICKLE TOO MUCH! The studio is filled with the sound of the hysterical laughter of the 4 helpless, ticklish girls. 10 minutes into the torture: L: M-MY B-BRAINS ARE RATTLING! A: I'LL NEVER CRACK! E: P-PLEASSSSSSSS! NO MORE!!!!!! I DON'T MEAN THAT-HAVE TO LAST! C: MY SIDES ARE GONNA EXPLODE! 20 MINUTES L-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH! A-OH GOD, CAN'T STAND THIS-TOO MUUUUUUCH! E-F-FEELS L-LIKE A T-T-TERMINAL CASE OF ATHLETE'S FOOT! C-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA-CAN'T BREATH-UNCLLLLLLLEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Charlene is out of the competition. Final total: 37 minutes, $2220 won-she is release and collapses) 30 MINUTES L-ALL THOSE SKATING COMPETITIONS-JOGGING-NEVER WAS THIS BAD! A-(IN TEARS-IS BITING LIPS TO KEEP FROM LAUGHING-DOESN'T EXCEED!) E-(IN TEARS)-NO MORE! UNCLE!!!!! Elizabeth finishes with 49.5 minutes-$2,970 Upon being release, she falls asleep on the floor At the 45 minute mark, Ashley cries: "I'M GONNA WET MY PANTS! UNCLE!!!!!!!!! She finishes with 64.5 minutes and $3840. Upon release, she runs in tears to the bathroom! 60 minutes Carla to Lynn-"Well, you have won! Shall we turn the Magic Sandals off? Lynn-"NOOOOOO!" Carla-"My, aren't we stubborn! Suppose we add to your torture?" Lynn-"GO A-AHEAD! I-I HAVE MY S-SECOND WIND! MY FEET FEEL WONDERFUL-HAHAHAHAHA!" Carla-"Well, while you have been occupied, our 3 other contestants have been refreshed with a full body massage. They are quite rejuvenated, and are prepared to add to your torment!" Ashley, Elizabeth, and Charlene walk up to Lynn. Carla removes Lynn's halter top, exposing her underarms, breasts and ribs! Carla-"LET HER HAVE IT!" Ashley comes up behind Lynn and tickles her underarms Charlene goes to work on Lynn's ribs, while Elizabeth titilates Lynn's breasts! 80 Minutes Lynn- "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUUUUUUUUCH! AAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGH! UNCLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE!" Lynn lasts a total of 100 minutes: $6000! As she is release, she collapses, in tears, into the waiting arms of Ashley, Elizabeth, and Charlene. Ashley wipes the tears away. Elizabeth assures Lynn that "we'll take care of you!" Charlene adds, "Hey, you beat us fair and square!" Carla-"Indeed, Lynn has beaten all of you! The three of you will be punished.....(Ashley, Charlene and Elizabeth get frightened looks!) by pampering Lynn, with a bubble bath, and a massage, and anything else she needs to help her recover!" The 3 girls sighed with relief-this would be one punishment they would be grateful for-one without tickle torture! Lynn was treated to a bubble bath and a neck, shoulder, and back rub by all three girls, along with having dinner in bed....a very deserved bonus!