"Shannon"
By Dirty Dawg


Semi-Standard Disclaimer : This story is basically romantic straight
male/female lovemaking. This story does NOT contain a naked teenage
nympho skydiver having midair relations with her six instructors
and then landing, still naked, in a cucumber patch. Sorry, folks.

Comments, questions, suggestions, flamage, etc. continue to be
welcome at drambo@cloud9.net or drambo@primenet.com.

 I hope you enjoy this! :)
========================================================================

	I love the TV show "Brisco County, Jr." A few weeks ago, there was
this episode where Brisco gets into a gunfight with his girlfriend's
ex-husband. They draw down on each other, Colt Peacemaker .45's held steady
in two hands. The ex-husband looks at Brisco across the divide between them
and wryly observes, "We're both in love with the same woman."
	Brisco nods, in that great-tradition of western heroes and
observes, just as wryly, "Life's funny that way." I remember thinking that
a more apt line had never been written concerning matters of the heart.
	Life is funny that way. I started thinking about all the trite
little phrases I'd heard applied to Life: Life is what's happening to you
while you make other plans. Life is a bitch, and then you marry one, and
then you die. None of them are true, and to an extent, they're all true.
	Life IS funny that way.
	Especially when it comes to Shannon. I never would have thought
that Shannon and I would end up where we are today. The road, for us at
least, has been uneven and bumpy, filled with twisting little paths and
unmarked turnoffs. Neither of us knew where we were going until we got
there, and you would be hard-pressed to find two people more surprised than
when we both realized what had actually happened between us.
	Shannon has been my best friend for more than ten years. We met in
college. She was a business major, eager to make her mark on the world and
take the biggest companies by storm. I, being a computer science major, was
more of a nerdly, geeky kind of guy than your average college stud, so it
was pretty incredible that Shannon and I not only met, but became friends
as well. It was almost beyond the pale of consideration that we would
become the best of friends, as we managed, somehow, to do.
	It all started when Shannon had to take a CS 101 level course,
Introduction to Computers. I was also taking that course, but more for an
easy "A" than anything else. I spent most of my time haunting the school's
computer lab, trying to snag as many cycles as I could for my own pet
projects. My private thrill has always been Prime Number Theory, and the
VAX system that the school ran finally gave me access to the kind of power
I needed to further my projects.
	I noticed Shannon on the first day of class. It would be hard not
to. She was the kind of girl that stood out in a crowd. Not because she had
the best body in the world, or because she was drop-dead model gorgeous.
She was very pretty, in an understated, fresh kind of way. The kind of
pretty that you know will last for the rest of her life. You know that when
she's sixty, she will still look very, very good, long after some of the
more temporarily gorgeous women have come and gone. Her body was fine, it
fit her well, but it just added to her overall effect. She looked...
comfortable. I know that's a stupid word to describe a woman's body, but it
was the kind of body that you knew you could press up against every night
for the rest of your life. Her legs weren't impossibly long, her breasts
weren't unbelievable huge. Everything was there, in good proportions. You
just knew that she'd also keep that body just the way it was through the
rest of her days. What was unique about Shannon was her smile and her eyes.
	Shannon had very dark black hair, and these piercing blue eyes that
seemed to twinkle whenever she looked at you. When Shannon focused that
gaze of hers on you, you felt like you were the only person on the planet.
The rest of the world ceased to exist. The only thing that mattered was
you, her eyes seemed to say. And when Shannon treated you to one of her
thousand-watt smiles, you felt something melt inside you.
	I noticed Shannon, but I didn't do anything about it. I knew my
limitations, and to be honest, I wasn't real comfortable dating anyway.
Women, unlike computers, were a mystery to me. I could program a computer
to tap dance if I put my mind to it, but the program running inside a
woman's brain was written in a language I could never decipher or
understand. Talk about GIGO! It was more like EIEO, as Emotions In,
Emotions out!
	About six weeks into the semester, the class was given their first
programming assignment. It was a prime-number program written in BASIC.
Now, for people that have never programmed a computer before, an assignment
like that can be quite daunting. I'd mastered BASIC at the age of 9, and
had since moved onto C++ and other high-level languages. I was in the lab,
cranking away on a Unix program that was going to deliver me some serious
bignums, when I saw Shannon walk in. She was biting her bottom lip and
looking around like a deer trapped in the headlights of an onrushing car.
	She sat down at a free terminal, and after several tries, managed
to log on to her student's account. As a system manager, I had the ability
to monitor her session. As a matter of fact, I'd completed a neat little
utility a few days ago that allowed any of the SysMgrs to watch what anyone
else was doing by running this little program that displayed their screen
on yours. So I ran the utility, called MYSPY, and watched on my screen as
Shannon tried to figure the program out. She was going off in a completely
wrong direction, and feeling a little sneaky, I decided to have some fun.
	WRONG IDEA, I typed, and the words appeared on her screen.
	I saw her sit up in shock and surprise. A second later, she typed,
slowly: WHO IS THIS?
	THIS IS THE COMPUTER, I typed back, trying not to laugh. YOU ARE
DOING THIS WRONG.
	I saw her sit back and stare at the screen for a good minute and a
half. Then she leaned forward and typed FINE. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?
	That's the only opening I needed. WATCH, I typed, and then took
control of her program. I moved the loop structures to the right place,
declared the variables before they were used, and then rewrote about
sixty percent of the program. The entire time, I gave Shannon a running
commentary across the bottom of the screen, explaining what I was doing and
why, using much more basic-sounding language than the BASIC computer
language. SEE HOW THE LOOP IS CLOSED? IF YOU DECLARE THE LOOP VARIABLE
RATHER THAN USING A NAKED "NEXT" STATEMENT, THE PROGRAM IS EASIER TO READ
AND UNDERSTAND. EXAMPLE:

10 FOR X = 1 TO 20
20  FOR Y = 1 TO 10
30   PRINT X,Y
40  NEXT Y
50 NEXT X
60 END

IS MUCH MORE CLEAR THAN:

10 FOR X = 1 TO 20 : FOR Y = 1 TO 10 : PRINT X,Y : NEXT : NEXT
20 END

UNDERSTAND?

	YES, she typed. CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?
	GA, I type, meaning "GO AHEAD."
	ARE YOU REALLY A COMPUTER? she asked.
	SOME PEOPLE THINK SO. WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M NOT A COMPUTER?
	BECAUSE I CAN HEAR YOU TYPING BEHIND ME, GREG. And then Shannon
stood and walked over to me, treating me to my first thousand-watt smile.
She sat down next to me and cupped her chin in one perfect hand. "So," she
said, "Why did you help me?"
	I just smiled at her. "You looked like you needed it," I said. "And
I was glad to do it. If you have any questions, please ask me. I'm really
good at this, and I like to help."
	"I will," she said softly. "You've made what could have been a
horrible assignment a little bit better. Thanks." And she stood, leaned
down and kissed me on the cheek. Then she left, leaving me stunned, and to
be honest, a little turned on.
	For the rest of the semester, I tutored Shannon in basic computer
theory. I explained the concepts of computer programming in English first,
and then demonstrated how to translate those ideas into something the
computer could understand and then execute. Shannon is very intelligent,
and I had little problem teaching her everything she needed to know to get
an "A" in CS 101. The semester brought to an end our association, and over
the break I got a little depressed. Most business majors tend to take the
minimum requirement in MIS courses, and I knew that she would probably be
concentrating on Management and Finance courses, and that I'd probably
never have a chance to help her again.
	Shannon and I had become sort-of-friends. I helped her study, and
she let me, and that was the end of it. We never went out, never had a
beer, never went to each other's dorm room. I was vaguely aware that
Shannon belonged to one of the sororities, but since that life had never
appealed to me, I made no attempt to investigate which one. ( I later found
out that she was a TriDelta. )
	When we got back to school for the new semester, it was about four
or five days before I saw Shannon. I was in the lab, working on another one
of my pet projects, when I sensed someone behind me. I turned and saw that
it was Shannon and I felt something in my heart lift and soar free. She
looked beautiful, standing there in a sweatshirt with our college's logo on
it, and wash-faded jeans and sneakers. Her long black hair was pulled back
in a ponytail, her freshly-scrubbed face free of any but the tiniest
makeup.
	"Hey, stranger, how was your break?" she asked, plopping down in
the chair next to mine. We laughed and talked about what we'd done over the
holidays.
	"So, " I asked, "You taking any MIS courses this semester?"
	"No," she said, and I thought that I detected a hint of something
in her voice. "Listen, Greg...I want to talk to you about something. When
are you going to be done here, anyway?" I glanced at my watch. "Well,
unless some time frees up on the Vax, I can leave anytime, really."
	"You want to go get something to eat?" I just looked at her for a
long, hard moment, and then I slowly nodded. I wasn't sure what the hell
was going on, but a little voice inside my head was screaming warnings.
	In the months and years to come, I would learn to heed that little
voice. But for now, it was a new experience to be having dinner with a
beautiful, sexy woman.
	We went to a burger place just off campus, and after we'd ordered,
Shannon took a big sip of her beer and leaned forward. "I never really
thanked you for all your help last semester...and...um...well, this is kind
of hard...Listen, Greg...we got to be kind of...friends last semester, and
just because you won't be helping me anymore with my work, I don't want to
...lose that. Do you know what I mean?"
	"Yeah," I said. "I kind of missed you, too." She smiled, and then
reached across to quickly squeeze my hand. "So, we'll hang out a little,
keep in touch, that sort of thing, right?" She nodded.
	"Yeah," Shannon said, "I still want you as a friend. A good
friend." I nodded, understanding my role in life. Friends.
	Life's funny that way. Even then, I knew that I wanted to be more
than friends with Shannon, and even then, I knew that it was probably not
going to be that way. I just... It just wasn't going to happen.
	The semester went on, and I saw Shannon on the average of about
twice a week. Usually for lunch at the caf, or in the library. We would
stop and talk and laugh and catch up on things. Towards the middle of the
semester, I spotted Shannon in the library with a young man. I knew him
from around campus; He was popular, a jock and big in the fraternity scene.
Watching them together, it wasn't hard to deduce that they were dating.
Shannon was all smiles, and she took every opportunity to touch him,
running her hands up and down his arms, across his back.
	I stayed away, not wanting her boyfriend to misinterpret my
attention towards Shannon. She...sensed what I was doing, and the smiles
she gave me made it all worthwhile. Back then, especially at that age,
friends, true 'friends' of the opposite sex are hard to explain to your
significant other. Shannon and I had never talked specifically about it,
but we both knew that we were, somehow, more than 'just friends,' yet less
than boyfriend-and-girlfriend. It was something unexplainable and
undefinable, but it existed, it was valid and true and one-of-a-kind. We
were comfortable with it, as it was, and didn't want to jeopardize it by
exploring it any further.
	Seeing her with her boyfriend made me realize something too.
Somewhere along the line, I'd fallen in love with Shannon. Quietly,
desperately in love with a girl that I could never have. And that presented
a problem. It wasn't the burning hormonal passion that marks 'love' at that
age. I'd be lying if I said I never thought of making love with Shannon.
But that wasn't all of it. The feelings I had for her ran true and long and
very, very deep. I knew, even then, that I'd have a special place in my
heart for that woman for the rest of my life. Everyone has a person like
Shannon in their life.
	Life's funny that way.
	The semester went on, and Shannon and her boyfriend (who I found
out had a name: Eric,) grew closer and closer. I attended a midnight movie
put on by one of the student committee, and spotted them in the back,
necking urgently. Shannon looked like she was in another world, and I
envied Eric at that moment more than I ever had envied another person in my
entire life.
	That's when I made a conscious decision to try and distance myself
from Shannon emotionally. I wanted to be her friend, I knew that, but the
feelings I was having for Shannon were just too painful. I decided then and
there to be just her friend, nothing more, and set about actively trying to
forget the fact that I was in love with her.
	That worked for all of a week.
	One Thursday night I was in my dorm room, studying for a calculus
test. The numbers and squiggles were beginning to blur when I heard a soft
knock on my door. Calling for whoever it was to come in, I shut the book
and turned to see Shannon standing there, looking very pensive.
	"What's up?" I asked.
	"Can I talk to you? You got a minute?" I nodded and indicated that
she should take a seat. My roommate and I had...performed some construction
on the room. The beds had been lifted off the floor onto specially
constructed lofts, and there was plenty of room underneath, which we'd
furnished with second-hand couches. An unused steamer trunk acted as a
combination coffee/card table. I took the couch opposite Shannon and looked
at her expectantly.
	"What's up?"
	"Eric and I..." she started, and I knew this was going to suck big
time. Shannon continued, "Eric...wants..." She sighed, looking around,
searching for the words, searching for a way to tell me what I already
knew.
	"Eric wants to make love to you." I suggested, and Shannon's head
snapped around.
	"He TOLD you?"
	"Of course not," I laughed.
	"Then how did you know?"
	"Because Eric and I are both men. And I know how men think."
	"Oh." Her voice was quiet. I knew that Shannon was a virgin, just
as she knew I was. "What do you think I should do?"
	If that wasn't a conversational, emotional and every other kind of
--otional land mine, I didn't know what was. I stalled for time,
thoughtfully stroking my chin.
	"What do you think?" I finally managed to ask, falling back on that
old therapist's trick of answering a question with a question.
	"Well...I do love him..." As she trailed off thinking about THAT
particular topic, I felt my guts knot up in agony. "...but," she continued,
"...I'm not sure I'm ready for this."
	"Is he pressuring you?"
	Shannon was silent for a long moment, and then she slowly nodded.
"Yeah. He keeps telling me that if I really love him..." She smiled
ruefully, knowing that I understood the position she was in.
	"So tell him you're not ready. If he loves you, then he'll
understand."
	"I tried that," she said softly. "It didn't work. Eric is...
insistent. I'm almost afraid to be alone with him. Every time we get
together, he starts...making moves, trying to get my clothes off...
touching me where I'm not sure I'm ready to be touched yet."
	At that moment, had Eric been in front of me, I could have
cheerfully strangled him. "Tell you what," I said slowly, "why don't I have
a little...talk with Eric? I'm sure that if I explain things to him, he'll
understand what's happening here."
	The hope and happiness on Shannon's face made any physical
discomfort I was sure to feel over getting the shit kicked out of my by her
boyfriend worthwhile. I found Eric the next day in the library. He was
hunched over a history book, his face a scowl of concentration as he tried
to figure out why Germany invaded Poland.
	I sat down across from him.
	He looked up. "Hey," he said, and then returned to his book,
studiously ignoring me.
	His hand was spread over the page, tracing the words as he read,
his lips moving. Without a second thought, I reached over and swiftly
slammed the book closed on Eric's hand.
	"Ow! HEY!" he said, starting to stand. I applied more pressure and
he sat back slowly, holding his wrist. I stood, leaning even more of my
weight down on the cover. Leaning close, I whispered, "If you ever, and I
mean ever, threaten or pressure Shannon to sleep with you again, you WILL
be sorry. Am I making myself clear?"
	"I...I didn't-" I gave him another little nudge with the book.
	"Stop talking and start listening. I mean it, Eric. Shannon is a
dear, sweet friend of mine, and if you don't stop screwing with her head,
you WILL be sorry. She loves you, you asshole. Let her work up to what you
want to do in her own sweet time." I slowly released a little of the
pressure, and then applied twice as much. Eric yelped and tried to pull his
hand out of the book. "If I have to talk to you again about this..." I
warned. He just nodded. "Don't put this hand where it isn't wanted, you
fucking jerk, or I'll be back." I lifted my hand and turned, leaving him
sitting there, massaging his fingers with his good hand.
	Shannon came to me two days later and threw her arms around my
neck. "Thank you," she said. "For whatever you did, for whatever you said,
THANK YOU!" And then she kissed me on the mouth for the first time. It was
a quick, chaste kiss, but it shook me to my toes.
	"Eric is completely changed. It's like he's a whole other person!
What did you say?"
	I grinned at her. "I think it was more how I said it than what I
said."
	"Well, whatever it was, thank you."

				      ***

	Three weeks later, it all came crashing down. I was again in my
room, studying chemistry this time, when Shannon showed up. She was crying,
her eyes red-rimmed and puffy.
	"Greg!" she wailed, running into my arms. Her face was against my
chest and I could feel her shaking, she was sobbing so hard.
	"What's wrong?"
	"Eric! I..I..." and then she lost it. She dissolved into wracking
sobs. I just held her, stroking her back, wondering what the fucking
bastard had done this time. If he'd hurt one fucking hair on her head!
	Finally, Shannon managed to get herself under control. She sat on
my couch, drying her eyes, sniffling as she tried to tell me the story.
Apparently, she'd gone to visit him unannounced, and found him fucking
another girl in his dorm room.
	I sat down next to her and knew better than to say anything. I just
wrapped her up in my arms and held her, rocking softly. She fell asleep
that way, and I held her for a few hours. Towards midnight, she woke up,
looked at me sleepily, and then stood, holding her hand out to me. I took
it and she pulled me upright, and then led me to the ladder to my bed. She
went first, and lay down. Not knowing exactly what was happening, I
followed her.
	What happened was that two friends slept together. Not in a sexual
way. We didn't even take our clothes off. I was on my back, and Shannon
nestled her body against mine, throwing one lean thigh across mine,
snuggling her head into my neck and shoulder. Her arm came across my chest,
and we slowly drifted off.
	As sleep slowly took me, I thought that I could get used to the
feeling of Shannon sleeping next to me. Life's funny that way.

				      ***

	When the morning came, there was no awkwardness, none at all.
Shannon woke shortly after I did and kissed my cheek again. "Thanks," she
said. "I just needed to be held...without any of that other stuff."
	"I'm glad you felt you could trust me," I said.
	"Of course I can trust you, silly! You're my best friend!" I felt a
wave of conflicting emotions. Glad she felt that way, and sad that she felt
only that way about me.
	She went on her way, and I got ready for classes. I was walking
across the quad when Eric found me.
	"Hey, asshole!" I heard him shout. I sighed and stopped. He came up
behind me. "Just couldn't wait, could you?" he asked. "Just couldn't wait
to get your hands on my girlfriend."
	I turned to face him. "First off, Eric, not that it's any of your
goddamned business, but nothing happened. We just slept together. She
needed someone she could trust. That obviously means you're left out.
Secondly," I said, taking a step forward, "I don't think that Shannon is
yours' or for that matter, anyone's girlfriend right now. We're just
friends, ok?"
	Eric took a couple of deep breaths. "I'm sorry," he finally
managed. "Look, ya gotta talk to her man, you just gotta! I love her! I
don't want to loose her!"
	"You should have thought of that before you cheated on her!"
	"C'mon, man...you know how it is. She wasn't giving me any...a man
has needs, you know! It didn't mean anything to me! It was just fucking!"
	I shook my head sadly. "I'll tell you what I'm going to do, Eric. I
won't talk to Shannon about you, and I mean that I won't say anything
either way, good or bad, unless she asks me. But you have to figure out
what is important to you. If you want to be with Shannon, then you're going
to have to respect her wishes and be faithful to her. If you don't, and you
need to...fuck...as you so eloquently put it, find someone else. Shannon's
just not ready for that yet."
	And with that, I left him to his devices.

				      ***

	Eric and Shannon broke up shortly after that. Shannon dated on and
off, a few different guys, never getting serious. That summer, I took two
classes and worked as a part-time systems manager for the school. Shannon
became a summer camp counselor somewhere near Boston. When she returned for
the fall semester, she was bursting with news.
	Apparently, during the summer, she'd met her True Love, a man who
waited until the moment was right, waited until Shannon was ready to give
him her most special gift. They'd made love under the stars in the woods
one night, and Shannon was sure that she was going to marry this man.
	I was happy for her, because she seemed to happy for herself. That
lasted until a three-day weekend, when Shannon conned me into driving her
to her boyfriend's school for a surprise visit. After seeing how Shannon's
last surprise visit to a boyfriend had turned out, I wasn't sure I wanted
to go along, but as always, Shannon knew that I could deny her nothing.
	The drive was about four hours, and I waited in the car while she
went up to his apartment. I wanted to make sure that he was home, and that
everything had turned out ok. Ten minutes later, Shannon came back
downstairs, got into the car and told me to drive back to school. Right
that minute.
	It had happened again. He'd had a girl in the apartment. They
weren't naked and fucking, but they were obviously headed in that direction
when Shannon had knocked on the door.
	We drove back to school in silence.

				      ***

	The rest of our college careers passed rather quickly. Shannon
dated off and on, but never allowed herself to develop any serious feelings
for any man. I'd started to date to, but could never get past the necking
stage. It wasn't that I was trying to, mind you, but I just got the feeling
from the girls that I was dating that they weren't looking to deepen the
relationship.
	So, I graduated college still a virgin. It wasn't a big deal for
me, but it was mildly annoying. Shannon and I started the process of
getting a job. Interviews, resumes, the whole works. My degree in computer
science helped a little, because back then computers were still a young
science.
	I interviewed about a dozen times, and then my break came. A rather
large computer company was expanding in our area, and was looking for
hardware technicians that had software experience. I covered both bases
pretty well, and was hired on the spot.
	I returned to my new apartment and immediately placed a call to my
best friend Shannon. The phone rang about six times and then a breathless
Shannon answered: "Hello?"
	"Hey! I got some great news!"
	"Greg! I have great news, too!" We both started talking at the same
time, and then I graciously said, "Go ahead. You first."
	"Well, a friend of mine got me an interview today for a sales and
marketing position. The job is really good, and the money's great! I killed
them in the interview, and I got hired! I've got a job!"
	"That's great! I got a job too!" I went on to talk about my new
job, and after I was finished, there was dead silence on the other end of
the phone.
	"Shannon?" I said.
	"CyberDyne? You're going to be working for CyberDyne?"
	"Yeah. In the business systems divisions, why?"
	"Because I'm the project manager for the business systems divisions
of CyberDyne. We're working for the same company!"
	We shared a moment of stunned silence, and then burst out laughing.
"You have GOT to stop following me around, Greg!" Shannon teased.

				      ***

	The next year passed relatively quickly. Although Shannon and I
worked for the same company, we really didn't work together. I was on the
customer service and technical side, and she was in sales and marketing.
Technically, she was in a higher position than I was, but she never held it
over me. On the two or three occasions we had to work together, Shannon
always treated me as an equal, a member of the team, rather than as an
underling.
	And something else cool happened; I finally got a girlfriend. Her
name was Molly, and she was a techie like me. The only thing rarer than a
hardware engineer that was also a programmer was a FEMALE hardware engineer
and programmer. Molly was smart, scary smart, and we got along great. A
friend of mine told me after she and I had been working together for about
six months that Molly had a crush on me, and had been looking for a way to
let me know how she felt and that she wanted to go out with me.
	We started dating, and settled into a comfortable existence.
Shannon was dating off and on, too, and the four of us double dated a few
times. I wasn't sure that I wanted Molly and Shannon to get together,
seeing as how a little piece of my heart still belonged to Shannon.
Shannon, if she knew, handled it perfectly. I was just an old college
friend of hers, and we took great pains not to share private jokes or tell
old war stories around either of our dates.
	Molly and I finally slept together. It happened after the company
picnic when we were both drunk. It was clumsy and awkward, but loving.
Neither of us really knew what we were doing, but we managed somehow to get
it done.
	Afterwards, we fell asleep, and in the morning, Molly told me that
she thought we needed to do a little...research on the subject. She went
out and got some books and we taught each other everything about sex.
	Which brings me to that topic. I had a lot of affection for Molly,
but no passion. I liked her, a lot, but I didn't love her, and I knew that
I wasn't <in love> with her. Maybe it wasn't fair of me to lead Molly on,
but as I look back on it now, I realize that we were using each other. Not
in a bad, cold way, but using each other nonetheless. She wanted someone to
sleep with and snuggle with, and I wanted the same thing. Neither of us
were fooled; this wasn't the world's great romance by anyone's standards.
It was basically satisfying, comfortable, familiar sex.
	But there was no passion. I missed that. I wanted some passion in
my life. About the only thing I could feel passionate about was the fact
that I knew I still loved Shannon.

				      ***

	Things with Molly and Shannon came to a head when Shannon's father
died. He had a heart attack and died in his sleep. Shannon's mother tried
to wake him, and then realized what had happened. The phone call came at
about four in the morning.
	A ringing phone after midnight is never cause for celebration. As
soon as the phone started ringing, I knew something was wrong. Molly was
spending the night, and the phone was on her side of the bed. Before I
could get to it, she'd answered it.
	"'Lo?...oh, hi Shannon. What? Sure, just a minute." Wordlessly, her
face still buried in the pillow, Molly handed me the phone.
	"Hmmm?" I managed to grunt.
	"Greg, it's me. Can you come over? I know this is a bad time and
that you...have company, but I really need you."
	"What's wrong?"
	"My father died. I need you, Greg."
	I was instantly awake and sitting up in bed. "I'm on my way." I got
up and tried to dress as quietly as possible. I didn't even tell Molly what
was going on. In retrospect, that was a pretty shitty thing to do. But at
the time, my thoughts were focused on Shannon.
	I made it over to her apartment in about ten minutes flat. And then
I spent the next six days there. Not once did I call Molly. I found out
later that she heard about Shannon's father through the company grapevine.
But at that time, it didn't matter to Molly why I was gone. She only knew
that I was, and that I'd left to be with another woman. Molly knew that
there was nothing sexual going on between Shannon and I, but it didn't take
her very long to figure out where my heart and head were.
	When we got back from burying Shannon's father, Molly was waiting
for me in my apartment. She had that We Have To Talk look on her face, and
until the moment I'd walked through the door and seen her sitting on the
couch, I had completely forgotten about Molly's role in all this. I
immediately felt like a shitheel, and thought about apologizing. Then I
realized that apologizing would only make matters worse.
	I simply walked over to the couch and sat down, ready and eager to
talk.
	With no preamble, Molly asked, "You love her, don't you?"
	I had no answer that would satisfy. I simply nodded.
	Slower now, with more emotion: "Are you in love with her?"
	"I think so," I said thickly. It was hard to talk. My tongue was
swollen and dry.
	"So...if I stay with you, if I stay with us...we'll always have
this between us. This wall, this...person. Between you and I ever being
truly happy." She was getting close to crying, but I knew the worse thing
in the world I could do would be to move to take her into my arms. I just
sat and let her have her moment. She was due this, if not a hell of a lot
more. I'd acted like an asshole, had treated her poorly. She'd done nothing
to me but love me. And to my eternal shame, I would never be able to return
that love. Not the way she wanted. Molly, too, would have an affectionate
place in my heart. But not the same kind of place that Shannon could claim
as her own. It sucked, it really sucked.
	But life is funny that way.
	"I didn't mean to hurt you," I offered lamely.
	"I know," Molly said, and there was more resignation than
bitterness in her voice. "That only makes this harder. I knew you didn't do
it on purpose. I know you didn't mean to hurt me. I want to hate you, Greg,
but God help me, I can't. You just followed your heart, that's all." She
paused. "The only saving grace...the only reason that I'm not mad as hell
is because Shannon was in your heart long before you met me. I couldn't
take it if you'd left me for another woman you'd met after me. That would
have killed me. But Shannon...she was a part of your life long before we
ever met."
	I didn't say anything. There was nothing to say.
	Molly got up and moved closer to me. She reached out a hand and
found my face, her fingers lightly caressing my cheek. Her friendly, almost
sensual touch surprised me. "Listen to me, Greg. I love you, but I'll get
over it. I'll go on with my life. We can still work together, you and I. I
know that you're man enough to understand what's going on here. But... and
I mean this sincerely, as a friend...you have got to do something about
Shannon. Either get something started with this woman, or get her out of
your life. Living in this constant state of want is going to eat you alive
unless you do something about it.
	"If you need me, if you need to talk to someone about it, I'll
always be here for you. I know that we're still going to be friends, Greg.
I know that about you. You're the type that doesn't want anyone to think
badly of you. And I want to be your friend. Talk to her, Greg. Go and see
her and tell her how you feel. The worst she can say is that she doesn't
want to be with you. But then at least you'll know, and you can deal with
it and get on with your life.
	"Who knows?" she said ruefully. "Maybe, if things don't work out
between you and her, we'll get back together." She looked at me for a long
moment and then slowly, sadly shook her head. "No...that won't happen.
She'll always be between us. I'll always know that you left my side for
hers, even when she needed it. We won't get back together.
	"But," Molly added as a final note, echoing my own thoughts, "I'll
always have a special place for you in my life, Greg. You were my first
lover, and so far, my best lover!" Her weak joke made me smile, and Molly
leaned forward and kissed me one last time. Then she got up and left my
apartment.
	Two days later, despite what she had said, Molly resigned.

				      ***

	I brooded over what Molly had told me for the same two days. She
was right, she had a good point, but I couldn't bring myself to confront
Shannon. Over the next couple of weeks, the need to get it out in the open
slowly faded, and Shannon and I faded back into our comfortable
relationship. I was basically happy with the way things were, and in the
back of my head I guess I was afraid that if I pushed the issue, that
Shannon wouldn't be in my life anymore. And that I couldn't bear.
	I went over to Shannon's house for dinner the next Friday. She was
still on bereavement leave and hadn't returned to work. She answered the
door wearing jeans, a man's white T-shirt and a flannel shirt over that.
She looked warm and comfy.
	Her greeting caught me off-guard. "I heard about you and Molly, I'm
sorry." I just nodded and hoped Shannon would leave it at that. But of
course she didn't. I followed Shannon into the kitchen and watched as she
finished preparing our meal.
	"So," she asked after a few tense moments, "What happened?"
	I chose my words carefully. "Molly was not pleased that I got out
of bed the instant you called," I started.
	"I thought it might be that."
	Now or never.
	"But that's not all," I said.
	"Oh?" Shannon was still distracted, buzzing around the kitchen. I
hoped she was listening closely enough for what I had to say next.
	"She thinks...rightly so, I might add...that our relationship
was...doomed. Because...um...I have feelings for someone...else."
	There. I'd said it. And Shannon heard it, because she froze. She
had been chopping tomatoes for the salad. Her hands went still on the
cutting block, her back to me.
	"Oh really? Who?"
	I took a seat at the table, my elbows on my knees, looking at the
floor. I heard Shannon turn and walk over to the table. Holding the cutting
board in one hand, she used the edge of the knife to scrape the tomato
chunks into the salad bowl.
	She was standing next to me. She was less than a foot away. I could
smell her hair, and underneath that, her clean, pure scent. Almost as if it
had a mind of its own, my hand reached up and slowly stroked her stomach
through the shirt. I heard Shannon's sharp gasp, but she didn't step back
or move my hand away.
	My hand moved slowly, gently stroking Shannon through the shirt.
Her tummy was flat and firm, and this was a whole new experience for me.
This first touch, this first electric, sexual touch between us was
incredible. I started breathing deeper, my eyes getting heavy with passion.
My hand moved slowly up, a single finger tracing between Shannon's breasts.
I moved it over the top of one breast, just tracing the edge. I chanced a
look up. Shannon's eyes were closed, and she was biting her bottom lip.
	My fingers trailed down and over her left breast. I felt the subtle
bump of her nipple under my fingers, and as I touched it, Shannon gasped
and pushed her breast harder against my hand. One of her own came up to
capture mine, and she pressed it still harder against her.
	Still not a word had been spoken.
	My hand left her breast and moved down again, finding her belly and
stroking it softly. Shannon opened her eyes but didn't look at me. There
was something behind them, something I couldn't describe or identify.
	Slowly, I tugged the t-shirt out of her waistband. As soon as there
was room, my hand slipped underneath. The feel of her warm skin was
incredible. She felt warm and alive, different than Molly ever had. I
repeated my actions, this time on her bare skin. As my finger ascended
between her breasts, I felt her bra. My palm captured her breast again, and
Shannon moaned loudly.
	I stood, turning her to face me. My free hand came up and found her
face, stroking her cheek with my fingers as I slowly approached her with my
lips. Shannon and I had kissed a thousand times as friends. This would be
the first kiss as man and woman.
	Our lips touched, softly at first, and then harder as the passion
and hunger grew. I heard a moan, more of a whimper really, come from
Shannon, and then her lips opened against mine. Sucking and kissing my
lips, her arms came around my neck, lifting the t-shirt, giving me freer
access to her body.
	My hand massaged her breast, feeling the nipple stiffen under my
loving touch. The dam all but burst then. We were finally doing, finally
kissing and gasping and feeling all over each other's body. One of
Shannon's hands dropped from my neck and found my asscheek. She squeezed it
with her hand, making me moan as she pulled me harder against her.
	"Make love to me, Greg! Please!" Her plaintive cry drove me crazy.
I scooped Shannon up into my arms and carried her into the bedroom. She
stared into my eyes as I carried her, and a small smile played at the
corner of her mouth.
	"You're my best friend," she said softly. "There isn't anything I
wouldn't do for you. You've been there for me when no one else would.
You've never hurt me, and I know you never would. I love you, Greg. I've
loved you for so, so long."
	"Why didn't you say anything?" I whispered, setting her down on the
bed.
	"Because I didn't want to take the chance you didn't feel the same
way. I mean, I knew you loved me...but I didn't know if you wanted me."
	I stood back a little and crossed my arms, removing my sweatshirt.
"I've wanted you for so long...I've loved you forever. "
	My jeans and underwear were gone in a heartbeat, and I fell to the
bed, naked, ready for love. Shannon helped me undress her, and then I was
discovering all the secrets of her body one by one, learning that she loved
to have the small of her back kissed and lightly stroked, discovering that
the inside of her left knee drove her insane. I finally tasted the woman I
love at her very center, and found that the taste was ambrosia itself. I
found God in the temple of her body, and I promised myself that I would
worship every single day for the rest of my life.
	And then we were one on the bed together, our bodies moving in
sweaty, urgent harmony, her sex wetly, moistly clutching at me, making me
groan into the hollow of her neck as she convulsed around me, her legs
around my waist, her hands on my ass, pulling me against her harder.
	The night went on and on and on. All those years of repressed
desire had finally found an outlet, and we surprised each other with the
depth of our love, passion and hunger for each other. The sights and the
sounds and the scents in that room will remain with me always. And one more
sound, the sound of gentle, comfortable laughter, a sound that should be
heard in more bedrooms. Shannon and I snuggled against each other in the
wolf hours of the night, softly teasing each other's bodies, telling
secrets, giggling at each other, drunk and intoxicated with the knowledge
that we'd each found our perfect soul mate, a person that had been under our
noses the entire time.
	Life's funny that way.