#: 41723 S9/[For Women Only] 22-Jul-85 21:58:35 Sb: #Is He Just *TOO* Kinky? Fm: * Cat * 70267,2177 To: ALL To All: Experimentation is a normal part of an *ongoing* sexual relationshio.... BUT ...what do you do when *HE* wants to try something and you sort of sit up and think ......... "HE'S JUST TOOO KINKY"!! I think we have all had this happen at some time or another. What do we do? a. NOT try it because you are uncomfortable with it. b. DO IT even though you are uneasy with it. c. ESTABLISH some guidelines. So.....what do *YOU* think??? If guidelines, what should they be??? Let's hear *EVERYONES* input on this!! Huggers...CAT Fm: * Marte * 70317,24 To: * Cat * 70267,2177 What I generally do is try it, once. There have been a lot of things that Jim has wanted to try, that I've felt uneasy about, but have gone along with it anyway. Some were fun, some we just laughed about and never tried again. I know that trying new things sexually is not easy for many women, but I try very hard to be accommodating--who knows when i might find a new favorite thing to do?? n Fm: * Cat * 70267,2177 To: * Marte * 70317,24 (X) Marte: I agree with the adage "try it you'll like it", sometimes.... but must admit in the past there have been things I have tried and did not like it ...... Do you think there is a dividing line?? Huggs...CAT Fm: * Marte * 70317,24 To: * Cat * 70267,2177 Well, I haven't liked everything we've tried; neither has Jim. If one of us finds something not to our liking after trying it, we say so, and that is that. It hasn't caused any problems yet . --M-- Fm: * Diane * 75236,1077 To: * Cat * 70267,2177 I guess I don't have any answers to this one..but I sure do have more questions! How do you explain to your man of the moment (or however long you've had him around) that sometimes you feel wildly inventive - want to try all the new and unusual things he has in mind - and at other times would only like to have a prim everyday missionary on top sort of experience. I find myself being at different levels of willingness at different times. The rhythms in my marriage don't seem to conincide very well. When I am a wanton woman...he has no need for experimentation. When I am on hold, so to speak, he has just read the lastest issue of Playboy. Sigh...how do you solve this one? Dina hehe..that is..Diane Fm: * Cat * 70267,2177 To: * Marte * 70317,24 Marte I think it sounds like you have an advantage over most couples in that you can talk about it openly. I think a lot of relationships dont have this ability!! Have you ever had anything that you were not able to talk about? Huggs...CAT Fm: * Cat * 70267,2177 To: * Diane * 75236,1077 Diane that unfortunately is really the truth... have you ever tried making a date ahead of time... say a week...and then just both building up to it!! Some people think making a "date" for sex in marriage is wrong, but isnt that what we did when we were single. I mean when we were getting ready for a date, we usually knew it would end up with sex.... and the thinking ahead of time about it was part of the fun!!! Just one suggestion..smile. Huggs...CAT Fm: * Marte * 70317,24 To: * Cat * 70267,2177 (X) There have been, on occasion, things that we have not talked about because the potential for hurting the other person was too high. In most cases, after sufficient time had passed, we were able to discuss it. But yes, there are some things that we don't talk about, mostly having to do with fantasies and other "things of the mind." --M-- Fm: * Karena * 74706,2777 To: * Cat * 70267,2177 (X) I don't know just what to say, because he thinks some of my preferences are *TOO* kinky. He goes along, but he doesn't enjoy, so I seldom persuade. I am going to try a new approach though: shave an area that wants attention. Maybe then he'll enjoy it too. If not, C'est la vie. Get it somewhere else if I must have it, I guess. Hugs Karena Fm: * Karena * 74706,2777 To: * Cat * 70267,2177 (X) OOOOOH Fantasy Inn, here we come! Hugs Karena Fm: * Cat * 70267,2177 To: * Karena * 74706,2777 (X) Karene Funny.... if we are a cross section, perhaps the title should have been "Am I Too Kinky!!". In the past (marriage) he really was *too* kinky, but current relationship luckily is equal. But how do you handle "setting ground rules or guidelines"? Huggs...CAT Fm: * Cat * 70267,2177 To: * Karena * 74706,2777 (X) Karena M to Fantasy Inn, what do you think about the following: l. Should deep fantasys be talked about or just kept to ones self. 2. Do you think there is a difference between what we would like to do and what we would only like to fantazice about. Huggs...CAT Fm: * Cathy * 70247,2557 To: * Cat * 70267,2177 What is kinky for one, may not be for another. So, I feel that establishing some guidelines should be considered. By that I mean the couple should discuss the matter in great detail, out of the bedroom, and as matter-as-fact as possible. That way, each person's feelings could be presented, without having one of them soooo turned on, that a arguement would ensue. Nothing worse than try to discuss a problem with sex, while the other person is breathing heavily . Cathy Fm: * Karena * 74706,2777 To: * Cat * 70267,2177 Cat, For me, it's really quite easy, if he doesn't enjoy something, I get eery little pleasure from it, so I simply don't insist. Now and then I ply him with a glass or two of wine (we're cheap drunks) and then he doesn't seen to mind, but much of the time I settle for less in both what I want and how much I want, and I know he gives a little more than he really wants. If I really need more or something he doesn't like, I am free to get it elsewhere, but I seldom use that freedom. If it were him, rather than me that had different needs, I would probably draw the line a something that could be physically painful or damaging, but would indulge him occasionally, unless it was something I simply could not do, in which case, I would let him get it elsewhere. He has the same perogatives and freedoms, but has indulged them even more rarely than I have. We've simply adjusted. HUGs...Karena Fm: * Karena * 74706,2777 To: * Cat * 70267,2177 We always discuss our fantasies, but then I guess we are a bit strange, so we do all sorts of things that don't work for others. We never lie, or fail to inform the other on more than trivial matters (like surprizes). We have a truly open marriage. I have always felt equal to my husband (and other men as well), and he has always accepted that. We have NEVER seperated the roles into male/female. Discussing fantasies if fun, and often leads to mutual satisfaction, as we decide to try them out. As for the fantasies that we really don't want to indulge, it is often titillating to talk about them too. HUgs Karena 42043 FmR~ Diane * 75236,1077 To: * Cat * 70267,2177 (X) Let me butt in here to say that I think there are at least *some* guys here on HSX that are doing things in compusex that they would LOVE to do in real life, but for whatever reason, they can't do in real life. I sort of feel sorry for them, and for all of us who can only experience in fantasy what we would love to experience for real! Diane Fm: * Diane * 75236,1077 To: * Cat * 70267,2177 (X) Not all bark and no bite.....but mind play!!! And isn't it fun? And doesn't it lead to more adventuresome things....after you give voice to it????? Diane Fm: * Marte * 70317,24 To: * Cat * 70267,2177 (X) I know that some men are....the ones who are *heavily* married in real life and see this as an opportunity to fool around without guilt or "sin." They build walls between the computer life and real life to justify this behavior. What puzzles me is, do they think the people on the other end of the line are not real? Do they think that the feelings they arouse are just electronic figments of someone's imagination? --M-- Fm: * Karena * 74706,2777 To: * Cat * 70267,2177 (X) Cat, like what for instance? I have tried most of my realistic fantasies. The only one I haven't tried has too high a risk factor: I fantasise about being loved by my husband, and his younger brother simultaneousely, and John and I both agree that even if it were possible, we would not want to take the chance of alienating his brother. I don't really know if John would mind, as his brother and he are practically look-alikes, and there is a great deal of love between them. In fact, if I lost John, he would predict (rightly) that I would set my cap for his brother, who is divorced. Fantasies that we simply MUST indulge, probably. As for the men on here and compusex, I think it is indeed another outlet. Hugs Karena Fm: * Karena * 74706,2777 To: * Cat * 70267,2177 (X) Cat, As I mentioned in the previous note, sometimes indulgence carries too high a risk, and sharing it is a good substitute. Hugs Karena Fm: * Cat * 70267,2177 To: * Cathy * 70247,2557 Cathy Communication is probably a lot of the key to the variance to what is "c5 ortable" and what is not. Funny how we can be so very open with one person and yet so closed with others. Huggs...CAT Fm: * Cat * 70267,2177 To: * Diane * 75236,1077 Diane and All your message really is an entire subject in itself. But do you wonder if sometimes Fantasys just are better off being left as fantasys. Do you think that the *some* men on here who would LOVE to experience the things they do here in real life, would be happier if they did??? Do you sometimes wonder if being on here (cis) is sort of like having the "interactive fantasy". Huggs...CAT Fm: * Cat * 70267,2177 To: * Diane * 75236,1077 Diand Sometimes I agree that the talking about it is really part of the fun and even though we might not *really* want topo experience all that we talk about, at least by opening the communication, we can more fully express what we would really like to do! Huggs.....CAT