ADVERTISEMENT THE PERFECT GIFT FOR THE HOT CHATTER ANNOUNCING THE ARRIVAL OF THE GREATEST GIFT FOR THE ONLINE HOT CHATTER! THE ONE AND ONLY GENUINE HOT CHAT RUBBER DOLLY Brought to you by: KINKS ARE US Inc. This toy is the ULTIMATE gift for your hot-chat lover/lovers. A perfect companion to the personal computers which you keep hidden in dark rooms for your hot chat specials. It comes with several options and peripherals. This depends on your preference, as with all personal computer peripherals. It needs no cus- tomization for those who have either no particular or constantly changing sexual preferences; it can be BI/GAY/HETERO without any special require- ments. For this short time only, and for those who wish to test this product for suitability, we are offering it as a special to you notable hot chatters! Come out of that dark closet and show your new toy to your friends! Come out and enjoy the freedom of the open hot chat and group grope chats! Let us describe the wonders of this new invention by KINKS ARE US Inc. These are just the main points of our new product. The new HOT CHAT RUBBER DOLLY comes complete with all the attachments necessary to start hot chatting immediately! Everything is activated by certain key phrases which the interface (provided for IBM/PC/AT, AMIGA 1000 & 2000, MAC II). As an example the key word "I am getting really hot" will immediately raise the temperature of the rubber dolly by approximately 5 degrees. A listing of other properties and sample commands are also listed following this short advertisement. This should bring a whole new dimension to the term "HOT CHAT" on any system, especially when both parties are using this new HOT CHAT RUBBER DOLLY. If nothing else it will serve as a good topic of conversation during those dull, ho-hum orgies that the very jaded are occasionally invited to! So liven up your online life with the NEW and EXCITING HOT CHAT RUBBER DOLLY. Order yours while supplies last! Orders can be sent to: KINKS ARE US Inc. The HOT CHAT RUBBER DOLLY (HCRD) is easily installed in any personal computer that supports both a serial and parallel port. Or, with an optional controller board which is dedicated to the HCRD. The HCRD itself either straddles or can be configured to cover the Video Display unit. Input/Output of the unit can be done through the keyboard or the feedback loop of the HCRD. For example, touching the TIT unit on the female HCRD will cause the words "I am fondling your tits" to be sent out to the remote unit. The same applies to touching the male genitalia on the male HCRD. There- fore, for the experienced mouse user, this should present no problem at all. A touch and feel can now be easily transmitted through the action, rather than the severely limiting "type and pretend" method. Certain key phrases, such as "I am horny", will automati- cally set the HCRD to exude pheromones (whatever the scientists call that hormone for sexual attraction) and, in the case of the female rubber dolly, to secrete Wesson Oil through the thin latex material that comprises its artificial vagina. For those females/males that will have the male model, it is advisable to wear the goggles upon the initial conversation, since the above-mentioned key phrase may cause an immediate reaction from the HCRD, making the male protuberance to pop out from the screen and hit the user who sits too close to the screen in the eyes. To ensure the continued quality of the parts of the HCRD we recommend that the owner only use Wesson Oil on the female and real cream for the male ejaculatory system. For cleaning, we suggest that the HCRD be inflated manually and taken to the shower/bath with the owner. (Batteries should be removed). As a service to those who log on too early or too late to find a hot chat, we have included free of charge the GENDER CHANGER/AUTOFEEDBACK option for a limited time. This option is normally a $9,000.00 option, but for the first 100 orders, they will be FREE!!! The following have given testimonials as to the effec- tiveness of the HCRD. These testimonials were in no way induced by the fact that we gave them stock for the use of their names on this advertisement. IT'S BETTER THAN NO DATE ON A FRIDAY NIGHT, AND UNLIKE WOODY ALLEN SAYS YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE BI TO INCREASE YOUR CHANCES. Dr. R.U. HONKER I never thought I would need one until I tested it. Dr. I.M. Blind HOT CHAT RUBBER DOLLY 1. Command Summary: a) "I am hot for you" - raises temperature of receiving HOT CHAT RUBBER DOLLY (HCRD) by 5 degree increments or until total system meltdown. (Please consult your computer users' manual for this figure). b) "I am a blonde" - Blonde hair piece automatically starts growing from HCRD's head. Hair length is controlled by other keywords too numerous to mention. c) "I am a female [height][weight][bust][waist][hip]" - immediately inflates/deflates optional area. Default set by receiving party. d) "I am so [wet]/[hard]" - causes Wesson Oil to seep out of HCRD's artificial female genitalia; in male HCRD causes to seep out of artificial genitalia. e) "I am getting [wet]/[hard]" - increases the lubrication or turgidity by increments of 10% until either blow up of male HCRD protuberance or drying up of Wesson Oil reservoir in female HCRD. f) "Play with my [bodily part]" - will immediately set blinking LED's on the affected part of the body. The LED's can only be turned off by the remote Hot Chat person. These are only a sampling of the commands of your HCRD. Commands can be threaded to afford a series of actions to be demonstrated by the remote HCRD. Commands to request a hot chat such as "I AM REALLY SUPER HOT AND GETTING HOTTER IF YOU TOUCH MY [CENSORED] WHILE I NIBBLE ON YOUR [CENSORED] AND I CAN FEEL YOU GETTING [WET/HARD] AS I FEEL YOUR [CENSORED] WHEN YOU WIGGLE MY [CENSORED] AND THINGS ARE GETTING SUPER HARD AS YOU [CENSORED]" can overload an HCRD immediately, hence practice is called for before attempting a request online. OPTIONS: 1. COLD WATER DOUSER: required to cool down the opposite side. Also starts the refrigeration unit to ensure cool running of the computer during lengthy hot chat ses- sions. If used improperly, this command can cause the HCRD to collapse completely, as if given a total put down. 2. LATEX KEYBOARD COVER: a covering of pure LATEX for the keyboard. This ensures that the PC keyboard remains high and dry so that the user can log off the computer system therefore saving money for future hot chats. 3. BATTERY BACKUP UNIT: a heavy duty battery backup unit to run both the PC and HCRD during periods of unreliable power for up to 4 hours which is time enough for even the marathon hot chatter. 4. SHEEP SKIN COMPUTER SEAT COVER: To soak up all those juices that may pour forth during a session. Plus (only on initial 199 orders) a free mount for the fake sexual organ of your choice. This can also be controlled by the remote sender/chatter. As an added PLUS, the attached units can be varied in size for the dainty and the gross. So, mount your chair and HOT CHAT! ORDER YOURS NOW WHILE INITIAL SUPPLIES LAST. KINKS ARE US Inc. Not sold at K-MART or any other store. for $9.95 _______________________________________________________________ ADVERTISEMENT #2 A New Product has been brought into being by the research staff of KRU Inc. ... a product that is so revolutionary and specific-market-oriented that it will take the public by storm. ANNOUNCING the arrival of the: WESTERN HOT CHAT RUBBER DOLLY KIT Brought to you by: KINKS ARE US Inc. It has been brought to our attention that we have been ignoring a certain market area which, up to this time, has been sorely neglected. For this reason, we bring you the one and only WESTERN HOT CHAT RUBBER DOLLY KIT (WHCRD). This is a companion kit to our HOT CHAT RUBBER DOLLY (HCRD). The WHCRD not only incorporates the HCRD but adds some extra features our western fanciers may like. This new product line consists of the Basic HCRD and some added extra features which, for a limited time, will be available without the HCRD unit for those that may wish to upgrade their HCRD's. The new product consists of the following: 1. Patent leather saddle with velvet underlining, complete with all the utilities for riding a horse in patent leather. The bit is made of genuine India rubber of the highest quality (as with the HCRD chair this will also incorporate a sexual organ adapter for those who ride alone) 2. Patent leather cowboy boots with 6-inch spiked heels 3. Silk lasso rope and tassels 4. Chinchilla fur vest with western motif embroidery 5. Rubber-tipped spurs (silver or gold on request) 6. Mink-covered bullwhip tipped with ermine tail. 7. Sheepskin horse blanket 8. The new HOT CHAT RUBBER HORSE (HCRH) (optional) 9. Crotch-less suede cowboy pants (cod-piece for males optional) 10. Velvet chaps. We have improved the software for the HCRD units to incorporate control of the Saddle. For those of you who have bought the HCRH option an elongated cable plus additional software is also added. Some of the added features now include: Fully functional speed control of the Saddle and attached sexual organs; fur lining on all saddle and tack equipment. The HCRH also contains fully functional sexual organs for those who are interested in such amenities. Speed can be adjusted from a mild canter to a full gallop. However, we urge the beginners to try no faster than a walk. So now all you western fans can play western love scenes with your favorite hot chat partners without leaving the confines of your suburbia homes. Just imagine the feel and comfort of riding without any of the nasty bugs and dirty fallen leaves getting into your most intimate places. This is the Western HOT CHAT dream come true. Included with the kit are safety features as required by OSHA and by Surgeon General Koop. Hence, we have added seat belts to ensure that our beloved customers do not fall out of the saddle during a heated exchange. Air bags are optional and are only available with the HCRH unit. In keeping with the spirit of "SAFE SEX" as outlined by the Surgeon General, we have added a special pouch in the saddle to accommodate two dozen prophylactics of your favorite brand. For the beginner we have added a WHCRD tutorial to prevent mishaps. These include such things as: how to mount your saddle and how to ride double with the HCRD unit. As with today's society we ensure that safety comes first. So now, our western customers can now enjoy such true to life expres- sions as "Ride me hard, oh babeeee" and "Back in the saddle again" or "Riding off into hot chat sunset". This advertisement has been brought to you by the kinky folks of the KINKS ARE US Inc.