-------------------------------------- + Long Distance Companies! Ha! + + + + By: + + + + Phobos + + + + One of the Many Phringe Philes + + all located at The Same Place: + + + + The Lunatic Phringe BBS + + 312-965-3677 300/1200 Baud + +------------------------------------- Remember the good old days, when we all belonged to the same telephone company and phones were PHONES- black heavy objects that were routinely used in the movies as murder weapons [Try THAT with one of today's phones!] Also, they were permantly attatched to your house, and only trained Telephone Company Personnel could install them. This involved attaching four wires, but the Telephone Company always made it sound like brain surgery. It was part of the mistique. When you called for your installation appointment, the Telephone Company would say, "We will have an installer in your area between the hours of 9 a.m. Oct 3 and the following spring. Will someone be at home?" And you would say "Yes," if you wanted a phone. You would stay at home, the anxious hours ticking by, and you would wait for your Phone Man. It was as close as most people came to experiencing what heroin addicts go through, the difference being that heroin addicts have the option of going to another supplier. Phone customers didn't. They feared the Power of the Telephone Company. I remember, about 5 years ago, My dad obtained a Hot Phone. He hooked it up downstairs after running a wire from out legally wall mounted phone, to the basement. This gave my friends and I the capability of calling for a pizza without leaving the T.V. and couches downstairs. But we lived in fear because we knew we were breaking a rule, not a local, state or federal rule, but a Telephone Company rule. At any moment, agents of the Telephone Company, accompanied by heavy black dogs, might burst through the door and seize the Hot Phone and write our names down, and we would never be allowed to have phone service again. And the dogs would seize our pizza. So, the old Telephone Company could be tough, but at least you knew where you stood. You never had to think about your consumer long distance options. Wherees today you cannot turn on the television without seeing Cliff Robertson standing in some pathetic, rural community with a name like EYE SOCKET, or PIG SHIT, or DUST BOWL GULTCH, telling you that if you don't go with his phone company, you won't be able to call people in rural areas like this, (I'm sure you care) in case you ever had a reason to, such as you suddenly needed information about heifers. Which sounds reasonable, but then Burt Lancaster tells you what a jerk you are if you go with Cliff Because it costs more. But that's exactly what Joan Rivers says about Burt! And what about Liz? Surely Liz has a phone company! So, it is very confusing, and yet you are expected somehow to make the right consumer choice. They want you to fill out a BALLOT. And if you don't fill it out, they're going to ASSING YOU A RANDOM TELEPHONE COMPANY. Only God knoes what you could wind up with. You could wind up with the Soviet Union Telephone Company. You could wind up with one of those phone companies where you have to crank the phone, like on "Lassie,", or end up with your phone out on top of a 30 foot pole, like on "Green Acers", and the operator is always listening in, including when you call the doctor regarding intimate homorrhoidal matters. So you had better fill out your Ballot. I reccommend that you go with Jim & Ed's Telephone Co. & Radiator Repair. I say this because Jim and Ed feature a service contract whereby you pay a flat $15.00 a month, and if you have a problem, Jim or Ed will come out to your house (Jim is preferable because after 10 a.m. Ed likes to drink Night Train wine and shoot at religious lawn statuary) and have some coffe with you and tell you that he's darned if HE can locate the problem, but if he had to take a stab, he'd guess it was probbably somewhere in the wires.