_____________________________________________________________________________ ---------------------------- I Bleed for This? ------------------------------ ------04.07.96-----------------------------------------------------#041------ I'll Hit You Back! Issue #1 by IBFT/Syndicate Last thanksgiving, IBFT published a questionnaire and asked people to submit stories for a new group we claimed to be starting, called "IBFT/Syndicate". This was a total lie. We had planned all along to tear apart whatever bullshit applications were sent to us and try to humiliate the author, for the reading enjoyment of everyone smart enough not to apply. We scored big time. For some reason, a bunch of people wanted to see their names in tiny ascii lights, joining the ranks of the electronically published. They sent in the angst-ridden biography and dumb short stories and poems that you're about to read. Instead of dulling my razor-sharp wit on such soft, jelly-like pap, I'm just going to let the applications speak for themselves. They fall into 2 categories: Friends who sent in applications just for the fuck of it, and actual true-to-life morons who wanted to apply. E-mail addresses are left intact in the second case, so that you can start up an electronic friendship with these people and enter into a pathetic 90's cyber-relationship with them. --------------------------------------------------------------------- From: [sdkafhlkasjhl]@red-branch.MIT.EDU Subject: IBFT To: bleed@unix.amherst.edu Date: Sat, 26 Nov 1994 21:42:05 -0500 (EST) X-Mailer: ELM [version 2.4 PL23] Content-Type: text Content-Length: 2786 IBFT Syndicate questionnaire. 1. How many times were you beat up in high school? None.. I beat them up. (truly). I was known for being very calm, but after too much, I would basically blow up and insanely beat the hell out of them. Rules? fairness? I know no such thing. 2. How many hours per day would you expect to spend on IBFT/syndicate related projects? Hmm.. depends I guess. I've been known to come up with some wierd persfectives on things. Mainly depends on my mood.. but I have been dubbed 'The pervert' by a few known comrades. 3. List Internet services you have access to. (FTP, IRC, etc). Whatever I can get my hands on buster. 4. Please indicate any privileged status you have at your site. (example: superuser status could be used to set up FTP/WWW server newsadmin status could help push through IBFT newsgroup) I basically have root access to a few servers where I work, however the firewall prevents anyone from getting through. Which blows.. besides that.. i'm friends with the admin of the site, red-branch.. that I'm using now. I also have an account at Umass Amherst. The stupid bastards haven't disabled me even though I don't go there this semester. 5. How could she leave you, when you had so much love to give? Well, basically she was a fucking two (or more) timing whore, who didn't give a shit about love, and basically fucked me and left me naked in her bed. Besides that, she wasn't worth my time and deserves her disease and pot clouded existence, lying to her friends and herself. I was raped. 6. Why did you fuck Kennedy? Which one? 7. Why the hell should we let you join IBFT Syndicate? I'm cool, and I want to be in damnit! *cry* 8. Check here if you forgot to put Kennedy's diapers back on after you packed her colon full of rotten fruit: [*] 9. How many times did you try to commit suicide by running with scissors? I normally run with scissors, and see how many people I can run into. 10. If there's anything else you want to say, do it now. There's lots of idiots out there in our world giving their twisted perspectives on things, so I guess I should be able to voice mine too. Oh, I also love the literal value which this publication can provide to my library. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- >From jlawson@lynx.dac.neu.edu Mon Nov 28 02:26:08 1994 From: "John A. Lawson III" Message-Id: <199411280725.CAA16116@lynx.dac.neu.edu> Subject: questionaire To: bleed@unix.amherst.edu Date: Mon, 28 Nov 1994 02:25:40 -0500 (EST) X-Mailer: ELM [version 2.4 PL23] Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Content-Length: 4977 Status: RO IBFT questionaire 1. How many times were you bet up in high school? Do you wany total or daily figures? hell in high school even the nerds picked on me 2. How many hours per day would you expect to spend on IBFT/syndicate related projects? Hey, If I got the time I'll make the time. That ok with you? 3. List Internet services you have access to. (FTP, IRC, etc) well Mosaic, telnet, IRC, FTP, email....If I don't got it I'll get it :) 4. Please indicate any privileged status you have on your site. (example: superuser status could be used to set up FTP/WWW server newsadmin status could help push IBFT newsgroup) Well none really. I hope this doesn't mean I can't join.....If it does..give me a momment and I'll take this place over. 5. How could she leave you, when you had so much love to give? Yeah, I was willing to give all my heart to melody but she threw me away like old rubbish....well anyway I'm glad she did leave now , I;ve heard she's totally screwed up...definite National EnQuirer material. 6. Why did you fuck Kennedy? Who the fuck is Kennedy? if she's cute well then there's your answer. anyway now then I think of it is there anyone a kennedy hasn't fucked? 7. Why the hell should we let you join IBFT Syndicate? I have that confusion that you claim to be the outlet for... Confusion and Anger BUILT UP FOR YEARRS .....aand ABOUT To EXPLODE! 8. Check here if you forgot to put Kennedy's diapers back on after you packed her colon full of rotten fruit: [] *ponders these questions* ok whatever....ok I'll go along with this...Yeah I forgot....I forgot and I put the diapers on myself...DAMN they were comfortable. 9. How many times did you try to commit suicide by running with scissors? well not lately, but in high school about twice a week if not more,. 10 If there's anything else you want to say do it now. Oh no, You've created a monster with that invite oh well here it goes. My confusion started way back in second grade. I had recently fell in love for the first time going to class. And as the year progress I could think of nothing but Jennifer. Well one day in the playground she asked me to kiss her. I was so over whelmed that I started to laugh. I just want to slap that guy I was across the face now cause I never got my first real kiss...and have been at diffenrt levels of depresssion ever since then. During Junior High, High school and elementary I was the one that was picked on. The one who was always picked last ..the one who was picked on by bullies..etc.... And the one thing that got me because I was so skinny and weak and had other physical ailments and was shy i was thought to be gay. I later found out these ailments could have been caused by a slight case of MArfan's syndrome, which supposedly Abrham lincoln had. If you want to learn more about this ...read a Medical Book and leave me alone. And if You say the reason people say you are gay is because you are...SCREW YOU! And it got so intense that in the elevth grade I had to go into counselling for being suicidal....Jumping off a over pass into oncomoing traffic was my likely method. Luckily somone talked me out of it....or was it. Well ever since then I've been deathly afraid of asking any woman out or in matter of fact in trusting anyone for that matter....Thinking that a no would mean she belieives the lie. Well yearpast And I got into college and finnaly got another crush on this girl Melody...Hell I even changed my irc nick to harmony to go with her real name.... well after about a year or so I finnaly got the guts to try and ask her out...instead of saying no gently I was dumped real hard I had seen her often after that I never saw her ver much after that. I had been so scared of asking but desperated for companionship that I had turned to staring and other forms of harrasment looking fo a sign ... I've been talked to a dozen times at work and last weekend I lost my infinity mud charchter for harrasing this girl in real life , who I would later found out is a chracheter in the mud and lives with the Mud's administrator. I had been on that mud so long that losing my charchter put me in such a deep depression that I again felt like killing myself....hanging in a empty elevator shaft. well this time I found some people on irc and talked with them and sent out some email and got counseling that way. I had also been so desperate that I had turned to prostitutes...since If I had to pay for companionship so be it....And I'm not talking the cheap ugly street lady's either.. I'm talking the beautiful expensive escorts... I had gone to differnent girls so much that I'm currently in debt so deep I can't get out of it and not sure but possibly just short of going personally bankrupt. Well All I want to know is why is there only two kinds of women? Those who won't go out with ya. And Those who would.....but are going out with someone else at the time ARRRRRRRRRRGH! >From [aslkdfhlsdf]@netcom.com Wed Nov 30 19:14:40 1994 Date: Wed, 30 Nov 1994 16:15:10 -0800 (PST) From: [nobody you know] <[laskjdsdf]@netcom.com> Subject: Re: IBFT 23 To: bleed@unix.amherst.edu In-Reply-To: <199411261209.AA08414@amhux3.amherst.edu> Message-Id: Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Status: RO On Sat, 26 Nov 1994, Snarfblat wrote: > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > IBFT Syndicate questionnaire. > > 1. How many times were you beat up in high school? Never. I hate you. I had blocked it out. Too many times to mention. Psychological beatings occurred too frequently. And those were just from MYSELF. > 2. How many hours per day would you expect to spend on IBFT/syndicate > related projects? Who knows. If I ever become a real lawyer, probably only those necessary to keep goony bozos out of jail. And only if they get lucky enough to go to jail in NY. > > 3. List Internet services you have access to. (FTP, IRC, etc). Whatever Netcom gives me. Any of 'em if someone prods me enough to use them. Even though I can't figure out Farnon's simple commands to "go taco"--whatever that means. Some weird native ritual, I think. > > 4. Please indicate any privileged status you have at your site. > (example: superuser status could be used to set up FTP/WWW server > newsadmin status could help push through IBFT newsgroup) I'm just happy that each time I pay 'em, they let me stay on. (I TOLD you about those psychological beatings.) It does kind of remind me of a protection racket, though. > 5. How could she leave you, when you had so much love to give? Would have been inapplicable, actually probaby is inapplicable, 'cause she's neither left me, nor have I had much love to give. I consider myself lucky. Go figure. > > 6. Why did you fuck Kennedy? Because he said those mean things about my granny....Whoops. Oh. THAT Kennedy. Because she was a worthless two-timing whore of a porcupine! > 7. Why the hell should we let you join IBFT Syndicate? I don't know. Don't. I just like Sna and Farnon and even though I don't yet know where Farnon lives, I COULD FIND OUT. > 8. Check here if you forgot to put Kennedy's diapers back on after you > packed her colon full of rotten fruit: [ ] No. I refuse to conform to such arbitrary demands. > 9. How many times did you try to commit suicide by running with scissors? Never. But I did once try to drown myself in cool whip. > 10. If there's anything else you want to say, do it now. Leave me alone. Go away. ... Huh? Oh yeah, I forgot. I was the one who sent the email. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ >From [skfhaskdlkdf]@max.tiac.net Mon Nov 28 01:50:07 1994 From: [AShlkjf sadhlk] Message-Id: <199411280649.BAA19134@max.tiac.net> Subject: app To: bleed@unix.amherst.edu Date: Mon, 28 Nov 1994 01:49:35 -0500 (EST) X-Mailer: ELM [version 2.4 PL24alpha3] Content-Type: text Content-Length: 4631 Status: RO IBFT Syndicate questionnaire. 1. How many times were you beat up in high school? 0 2. How many hours per day would you expect to spend on IBFT/ syndicate related p rojects? 119 systolic, 76 diastolic. i don't know. fuck you. 3. List Internet services you have access to. (FTP, IRC, etc). all except WWW 4. Please indicate any privileged status you have at your site. (example: superuser status could be used to set up FTP/WWW server newsadmin status could help push through IBFT newsgroup) willing to sleep with tiac admins. or, willing to not sleep with tiac admins, if that would work better. 5. How could she leave you, when you had so much love to give? we thought sna's dad might find out. 6. Why did you fuck Kennedy? which kennedy? 7. Why the hell should we let you join IBFT Syndicate? i will take a solemn oath not to worship you, other than that, you shouldn't. 8. Check here if you forgot to put Kennedy's diapers back on after you packed her colon full of rotten fruit: [ ] oh, her. 9. How many times did you try to commit suicide by running with scissors? suicide: 0 murder: twice for every teacher i had up through fourth grade, as we stopped doing arts and crafts around then.. 10. If there's anything else you want to say, do it now. sadly, no. i think it is sad. there's a lot of free speech these days, and noone has anything to be free with, much. that's the "goal." you're supposed to out grow it, let the new generations have their say. but i don't want to. i'm afraid to get old. i'm afraid that there will be people younger than me, and that my journal from when i was sixteen is inifitely more interesting than my journal from eighteen. why am i getting more boring as time goes on? you know what i think it is: fulfilling relationships. they fucking ruin you. course that's not even true when you're sixteen cause 1. all you really want when you're that young, is to be able to call someone else your boyfriend, as much as possible, and 2 it isn't really fulfilling in the first place. my boyfriend when i was sixteen, fifteen really, was such a jerk, i can't even tell you. he was a jerk in unique, unprecedented ways. he used to make me slow-dance with him in his living room and lip-sync Rush love songs, then i was supposed to let him feel me up.he used to call me and masturbate and go through this long corny phone-sex ritual, and eventually i'd just put the phone down and go read a magazine till i figured he'd be done. it was boring, and embarrassing but not because i was such a prude, but because i kept cringing thinking what a jerk he sounded like. and of course eventually i ditched him and was miserable for a while, but you know, you get to enjoyng your freedom. i had friends, at least. now i have a very nice boyfriend, and no friends, and i'm watching my life fritter itself away over the most trivial things, and it scares the shit out of me, because i don't seem to want to stop it. i watched a tv movie tonight. the most idiot tv movie i could find. i watched it with jeff, you know, the togetherness thing."she led two lives". this woman married two guys. neither of them were much of a catch. ugly fuckers, too. i thought this was going to tie in with my main point, but i guess not. i guess i don't have one. i will make one up:the biggest problem with seeking happiness is that occasionally you succeed. the moral of this story is, don't watch tv. i dont suppose a lot of college students do, or at least, i didn't till i moved in here, but it ruins you and connie seleca's is the last miserable actress face i intend to see. (i didn't mention that my jerk boyfriend was an actor, of the particularly snotty high school variety. he goes to emerson now. once he saw me across the street when i was coming out of berklee, and waved, and as the only good thing i have ever done in my whole life, i ignored him.) i was going to say, moral number 2, don't get too close to being happy, but now.. i'm rethinking it. i have promised every one of the four boyfriends i have ever had my hand in marriage. i knew every time that it would never happen, that it was a total joke, but they didn't think so and it made them happy and what were they going to do, sue? i was only a little nervous that someday someone might call me on it. but realistically, now. be as happy as you can, but don't expect it to last, and don't be too sad if it doesn't, because then you will have something noone else does and you can spend your time figuring out what. erin --------------------------------------------------------------------------- >From E.J.Barker@durham.ac.uk Tue Nov 29 21:35:26 1994 Date: Wed, 30 Nov 1994 02:34:39 +0000 Message-Id: <13545.9411300234@altair> Subject: Re: IBFT #023 Newsgroups: alt.angst In-Reply-To: <3bf4j3$ad3@narnia.ccs.neu.edu> Organization: University of Durham, Durham, UK Content-Length: 4151 Status: RO Responded to poster & address given. One never knows with these fly-by-night outfits, does one? In article <3bf4j3$ad3@narnia.ccs.neu.edu> you write: >To apply for membership in IBFT syndicate, fill out the following >questionnaire and mail it back along with as many writing submissions as you >want. If we select you as a member if IBFT Syndicate, we will let you know >before we publish the first issue of the zine. Fuck you, mateyboots. You can have my questionaire answers and some text, but I very much doubt that your little clique is either as exclusive or as desirable as you would have us think. >And please remember that being in the Syndicate does not mean you are in >IBFT. If you ever claim to be "in IBFT", I'll find out where you live and >stick my finger so far up your mom's ass that it will be way far up there. You've never met my mum. I'd like to see you try. >IBFT Syndicate questionnaire. > >1. How many times were you beat up in high school? Nil. >2. How many hours per day would you expect to spend on IBFT/syndicate > related projects? Nil. >3. List Internet services you have access to. (FTP, IRC, etc). All. FTP, IRC, Gopher, Telnet, UseNet, WWW, whatever. Public access Unix/X-workstations, don't you know. >4. Please indicate any privileged status you have at your site. > (example: superuser status could be used to set up FTP/WWW server > newsadmin status could help push through IBFT newsgroup) Nil. >5. How could she leave you, when you had so much love to give? She never did. He never did. No-one has ever wanted to. Or dared. >6. Why did you fuck Kennedy? N/A >7. Why the hell should we let you join IBFT Syndicate? I don't know. I don't think I want to. >8. Check here if you forgot to put Kennedy's diapers back on after you > packed her colon full of rotten fruit: [ ] N/A >9. How many times did you try to commit suicide by running with scissors? Nil. >10. If there's anything else you want to say, do it now. Nice boots... wanna fuck? >Remember: if you have anything of value to say, you have a chance at >being recognized as a member of IBFT/Syndicate, and being published in an >issue of I'll Hit You Back. Lucky old me. >Good luck. St. George and no quarter! > IBFT: If we hate you, you don't deserve to know why. That's alright dear. I don't give a monkey's anyway. -El- Included text files follow. -- Hate -E J Barker 14/5/94 Hate by all means; Hate what you will Hate with passion, hate without fear Hate is still strength. Hate is stronger than love Love is for others Hate is for the self Hate makes you strong Love makes you dependant Hate injustice, hate weakness Hate pathos, hate fatalism Hate fatally. Corectly allocated, hate will solve all problems Hate will overcome all hurdles Hate makes right. Love your hate, hate makes right. -- An organic achievement -Elena Barker 16/2/94 Coach-sick and restless I beheld To my right- A Marvel! An arial farm! A field of poles, growing slowly amid Their support-wires, lustrous and strong; What wondrous saplings mankind has sown! -- Our Charming Mania -Elena Barker 11/2/94 In joy, we bacame a childish assembly Singing Sylvian songs on a train, again And we flashed our eyes with a manic smile. Because nothing is so intimate as joking, laughing Being together alone in a public place. An elegant joke was played upon The glittering run of the endless track And the Harpenden Boy loves his Purple Girl. And they stared as we stared longingly at each other As we recklessly kissed for commuters to see. Harpenden Boy, bang your tin drum For a Purple Girl from another town Singing Sylvian songs on the Harpenden train. Commuters, lost, turn away to their papers Totally excluded from our charming mania Tired from work and ashamed of love, and Lost without intimacies that we share. -- | E.J.Barker@dur.ac.uk St. Aidan's College, Durham, UK | | Dead End Street http://www.dur.ac.uk/~d2190e/home.html | | 70 words per minute 0 thoughts per word | >From lithium@rci.ripco.com Thu Dec 1 21:36:52 1994 To: bleed@unix.amherst.edu Date: Thu, 1 Dec 1994 20:32:55 -0600 (CST) Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Content-Length: 3915 Status: RO ------------------------------------------------------------------------ IBFT Syndicate questionnaire. 1. How many times were you beat up in high school? none. people look at me funny though. they think i'm weird. too bad they're wrong. you see, everyone else is weird; i'm the only normal person in the whole fucking school. 2. How many hours per day would you expect to spend on IBFT/syndicate related projects? 2 per week. 3. List Internet services you have access to. (FTP, IRC, etc). ftp, irc, gopher, archie, mail, usenet. no html, though. 4. Please indicate any privileged status you have at your site. (example: superuser status could be used to set up FTP/WWW server newsadmin status could help push through IBFT newsgroup) none. and i slept with the guy. do you believe it? he couldn't even call me back, that son of a bitch... 5. How could she leave you, when you had so much love to give? sometimes it just make me want to scream and then say "sorry for screaming. it's just a little disorder, that's all." 6. Why did you fuck Kennedy? i was hungry and she looked like a big chicken leg. 7. Why the hell should we let you join IBFT Syndicate? cuz i'm pretty funny. huhuhuh. 8. Check here if you forgot to put Kennedy's diapers back on after you packed her colon full of rotten fruit: [ ] X 9. How many times did you try to commit suicide by running with scissors? once. after they let me out of the Ward, i tried more effective means of killing myself, like those gun thingees. 10. If there's anything else you want to say, do it now. no. i have nothing else to say. i am not being redundant. Here's a little article i am going to pop in the second issue of my multimedia zine for PC's as an example of my writing style: --- I recently came to a horrendous realization. Electronics manufacturers of our fine nation are all racists. Yes, it's true and very evident. To prove it, do this simple task: pick up any ordinary calculator. Notice its color. Black. But wait, there's more. Look at your personal computer, which you're most likely looking at right now. It's white. You see, most Amerikkkan electronics manufacturers see a great opportunity to degrade the Afro-American race when decided upon a color for their new machine. Calculators are simple devices. They mainly consist of a single chip with a simple matrix keypad with a finite number of functions all outputting to a simple 10-digit LCD screen. They are not the epitome of intelligence by any means. Even the most advanced of graphing calculators can perform nowhere near the magnitude of larger desktop computers. You will almost always find these machines in the color of black, representing the negro race. Personal Computers, on the other hand are more powerful on the electronic evolutionary scale. They can inevitably solve any problem and are deemed to be smarter than man. They are always found in the color of the Aryan race. Nowadays, they outnumber calculators because people believe that if you have the money, why not get the best? Yes, you sick perverts, why not get your self a piece of racism? So go fuck yourselves, all you ignorant consumers. Be blind to the fact that the corporations are slowly inflicting their ideas on our weak subconcious minds. Heed these words: they will take over. Nazism is not dead. Hitler is alive in your PC. The KKK lives in your floppy drive. Supremacists like to fuck around with your screen saver. Skinheads frequently frag your hard drive up. So in conclusion, I estimate that all computers by the year 2000 will have blond hair and tiny little blue eyes painted on them. The standard language will be german. Either that, or they will have tiny little pointy white hats and ride horses and hang out near bonfires. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- >From s766184@aix2.uottawa.ca Fri Dec 2 17:59:44 1994 Received: from amhux3.amherst.edu (root@amhux3.amherst.edu [148.85.1.53]) by amber.ccs.neu.edu (8.6.8/8.6.4) with SMTP id RAA00177 for ; Fri, 2 Dec 1994 17:59:42 -0500 Received: from aix2.uottawa.ca by amhux3.amherst.edu with SMTP id AA02739 (5.65c+/IDA-1.4.4 for ); Fri, 2 Dec 1994 17:59:38 -0500 Received: by aix2.uottawa.ca (AIX 3.2/UCB 5.64/4.03) id AA45578; Fri, 2 Dec 1994 17:58:26 -0500 Date: Fri, 2 Dec 1994 17:58:23 -0500 (EST) From: Sum Idjut Subject: To: bleed@unix.amherst.edu Message-Id: Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Status: RO IBFT Syndicate questionnaire. 1. How many times were you beat up in high school? None. I run fast. But I hope to get beat up a few times before I quit university. This one guy I know has been beaten so many times he's lost count. At this one party last year some guys beat him up and threw all his clothes in the fire. 2. How many hours per day would you expect to spend on IBFT/syndicate related projects? Lotsnlotsnlots cuz I have no life and I sit around my apartment all day listening to Fugazi and Fudgetunnel and Tool and Melvins and Jesus Lizard and Goats and KMFDM and my fucking neighbours getting busy on their fucking electric organ and my roommate whining at me to do the dishes or wash the bathroom or blah blah blah fucking blah. Or I read t-files or books about how fucked up society is or stare at JPEGs or get fried and watch AcidWarp or just wank or whatever. Sometimes I go to other peoples houses or to a concert to get fried and listen to music. But I don't have lots of friends so that wouldn't interfere with my possible IBFT career. Oh yeah, I go to class too sometimes. But that's not so important. 3. List Internet services you have access to. (FTP, IRC, etc). FTP IRC telnet gopher www Usenetnews blah blah blah. . . 4. Please indicate any privileged status you have at your site. I'm top downloader from alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.* 5. How could she leave you, when you had so much love to give? I left HER before she could leave me. Bitch. Oh well. 6. Why did you fuck Kennedy? Marilyn said he was a good lay, for a US President, so I figured what the hell? His sphincter was kind of tight at first (anal virgin, you know) and he wouldn't stop squirming, but after a while he sort of got into it more. Afterwards he said he had a really good time. He gave me his phone number and stuff, and I meant to call him, but someone blew his head off the next day so that was sort of the end of it. Yeah, yeah, Fuck MTV. I'm Canadian; we don't get it, we don't want it. 7. Why the hell should we let you join IBFT Syndicate? Because I suck. Maybe worse than you. Actually, I'm a fucking loser. I really fucking felch the dead dog's maggotty corn hole. This is my only chance. If you reject me I'll just have to drink one of those hundred-hit vials of liquid and take a high-dive off some downtown skyscraper. 8. Check here if you forgot to put Kennedy's diapers back on after you packed her colon full of rotten fruit: [ x ] Anything you say, bub. 9. How many times did you try to commit suicide by running with scissors? Fuck off, you can't kill yourself by running with scissors. The worst thing about trying to kill yourself with tools is that you usually just end up giving yourself a non-fatal mutilation. Sometimes you can give yourself a fatal wound, but it takes the rest of the day for you to die. Read your suicide file. Poison is IT, man. 10. If there's anything else you want to say, do it now. Gotta have it. Pepsi. 11. Do you like citrus fruits? Yeah. And then some. 12. Who's your favourite muppet? The girl with the droopy eyes and the deep voice who plays in Animal's band. Oh, what the fuck is her name... Janet, Joan, something like that? She's hot. Wheww. Pzzt. Furrp. 13. What about grapefruits? I already said I like citrus. Fuck off. 14. But don't you think they're really sour? Fuck off, I like them. Try putting sugar on yours. Personally, I hate really sweet things, but some people like eating grapefruits with sugar. 15. Don't you think Sugar sounds way too much like Husker Du? What did you expect? Anyway, all that jangly pop-punk sounds the same to me. It's all shit. 16. Do you have any good acid stories? Yeah, one time my buddy and me and his girlfriend and my mom dropped about a billion hits and went to this nine-week rave in the Grand Canyon--Fuck, no; I'm so tired of peoples' tripping stories. 17. Do you have red hair? No. But I can dye it if you want me too. I crave acceptance above all else. Personal integrity? Fuck it. I'll renounce all my beliefs if you'll be seen in public with me. It's a cruel and lonely world, punk; start molding yourself to others' specifications. If you accept me, I'll send you some of my stuff. I can't think of a good handle right now. I'll make one up later. Nothing wanker like "DeathMaster" or "Darklord" or "Eggheaded Fucktwerp of Doom", I promise. Thanks for your time. Praise Allah. Have a nice day. >From casey@jones.synapse.net Fri Dec 2 20:59:18 1994 Received: from sentinel.synapse.net (sentinel.synapse.net [192.197.166.1]) by amber.ccs.neu.edu (8.6.8/8.6.4) with ESMTP id UAA05639 for ; Fri, 2 Dec 1994 20:59:13 -0500 Received: from jones.synapse.net (jones.synapse.net [198.53.190.177]) by sentinel.synapse.net (8.6.9/8.6.9) with SMTP id UAA24493 for ; Fri, 2 Dec 1994 20:59:02 -0500 To: mikeb@ccs.neu.edu (Mike Bukhin) From: casey@jones.synapse.net (Casey Jones) Subject: Re: Syndicate Date: Fri, 2 Dec 1994 20:55:53 LOCAL Message-ID: Status: RO In article <3bgb18$es3@narnia.ccs.neu.edu> mikeb@ccs.neu.edu (Mike Bukhin) writes: >_____________________________________________________________________________ >---------------------------- I Bleed for This? ------------------------------ >------11.26.94-----------------------------------------------------#023------ >So... Cut along the line and mail this shit back now! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >IBFT Syndicate questionnaire. >1. How many times were you beat up in high school? Never. >2. How many hours per day would you expect to spend on IBFT/syndicate > related projects? Maybe 1 or 2. >3. List Internet services you have access to. (FTP, IRC, etc). PPP connection (USENET, ftp, irc, www, gopher, telnet, etc) >4. Please indicate any privileged status you have at your site. > (example: superuser status could be used to set up FTP/WWW server > newsadmin status could help push through IBFT newsgroup) No priviledged status, but I could probably push through an IBFT newsgroup if nobody else can. >5. How could she leave you, when you had so much love to give? She left because she was hungry. I wish I had fed her better.. >6. Why did you fuck Kennedy? Kennedy deserved to be fucked. >7. Why the hell should we let you join IBFT Syndicate? Why the hell am I even thinking about helping you? If you don't, I'll just set up some competition! :) >8. Check here if you forgot to put Kennedy's diapers back on after you > packed her colon full of rotten fruit: [ ] >9. How many times did you try to commit suicide by running with scissors? Not even once! >10. If there's anything else you want to say, do it now. No. I'll tell you if you make me a member. > IBFT: If we hate you, you don't deserve to know why. -- Please direct any comments, criticisms, flames, etc to casey@jones.synapse.net -- My opinions are not necessarily those of any company I am or am not affiliated with. It is quite possible, however, that my opinions *are* shared by someone else, and I hope that anyone who agrees with me is not offended by this disclaimer. :) >From techs@lucifer.ankle.com Fri Dec 2 17:02:47 1994 Received: from amhux3.amherst.edu (root@amhux3.amherst.edu [148.85.1.53]) by amber.ccs.neu.edu (8.6.8/8.6.4) with SMTP id RAA27785 for ; Fri, 2 Dec 1994 17:02:45 -0500 Received: from NMSU.Edu (dns1.NMSU.Edu) by amhux3.amherst.edu with SMTP id AA27996 (5.65c+/IDA-1.4.4 for ); Fri, 2 Dec 1994 17:02:39 -0500 Received: from freedom.nmsu.edu by NMSU.Edu (8.6.8.1/NMSU-1.18) id PAA24594; Fri, 2 Dec 1994 15:02:35 -0700 Received: from lucifer.ankle.com (freedom) by (5.65c/emf-1.1b) id AA17214; Fri, 2 Dec 1994 15:02:07 -0700 Received: by lucifer.ankle.com (Smail3.1.28.1 #6) id m0rDb33-00007LC; Fri, 2 Dec 94 16:41 Message-Id: From: techs@lucifer.ankle.com (Knife Richter) Subject: ibft/syndicate appykation. To: bleed@unix.amherst.edu Date: Fri, 2 Dec 94 16:41:26 Reply-To: lucifer!techs@freedom.NMSU.Edu X-Mailer: ELM [version 2.3 PL11] X-Status: Status: RO 1. How many times were you beat up in high school? Uhm... ONly a few times. I wasn't very social at all during high school, so there wasn't much chance of me actualyl running into all the people that wanted to beat the shit out of me. I think I learned this as a defensive skill from being beating up so many fucking times in middle school. of course, the one little toad that kept beating me up in middle school got his revenge.. weeks before we moved away, I saw him walking along down the street (shortly after having had my ass whipped by him) and I hopped on my little bicycle and hauled as much ass down the street as a 12 year old can haul, and rode down the hill towards him. I'm not surprsed he was so stupid as to NOT hear the soft purr of knobby BMX tires on pavement travelling at what I would now estimate as a good 15 miles an hour. He noticed it when I plowed directly into his back and transferred all my momentum into him causing him to fall on the ground and slide a long way, tearing the hell out of his face. I laughed and rode away very very fast and spent the next few weeks avoiding his retaliation that never came. 2. How many hours per day would you expect to spend on IBFT/syndicate related projects? Depends on how many hours i'm not jerking off. i dunno. maybe an hour. feel priveledged, even my classes dont get that much of my time. 3. List Internet services you have access to. (FTP, IRC, etc). uh.. all of them... and what I dont have, I compile for my system anyway. 4. Please indicate any privileged status you have at your site. I am the sysadmin. not that that's terribly special, considering we're only a student organization, and we still have to kow tow to the assholes in networking, but it ain't bad. 5. How could she leave you, when you had so much love to give? How the fuck should I know? I assume that this is some defect in their miserable little psyche's that makes them assume that the following line of thought is logical: "I love him so much that I am going to just leave him and never tell him why I left, because I don't want to hurt him, I'm just not into his shit.' Or at least that's the tripe i got. 6. Why did you fuck Kennedy? Because I always end up fucking dog ugly people who have no self-esteem because it's the only kind I can get ahold of. the rest are smart enough to know they can't change me into a nice person so they dont come around and try to be motherly. Kennedy is a bullshit MTV whore. I bet she fucked LL Cool J back when he was popular. Unless you meant JFK, and then I wasssn't old enough to fuck him, but I bet the warm soppy mess of his head would have been a good lay. 7. Why the hell should we let you join IBFT Syndicate? I dont give a fuck.. I'm just doing this for my own self image.` 8. Check here if you forgot to put Kennedy's diapers back on after you packed her colon full of rotten fruit: [ ] Golf balls and wine spritzer. 9. How many times did you try to commit suicide by running with scissors? Zero. I only run when chased, and then I'd rather kill them instead of me. I save the suicidal thoughts for when I'm sitting around my house trying to poison myself with rum. alone. in the dark. with extremely whiney music playing. like the cure. and sobbing about how much I suck. 10. If there's anything else you want to say, do it now. Beadworld. Next come the submissions. I didnt write these. I only claim to have enjoyed them. ----------------------------------- erotic toaster poem by jeff vogel in masturbatory glee the other night i put my penis in everything in sight banana peels were fun but to my dismay in the disk drive my cock would just not stay drains were good the keyhole better and the ice tray kept getting wetter and wetter and not to seem and awful boaster but then i had sex with the toaster down went the plunger and in went my meat it felt really groovy when i turned up the heat i thrust even deeper and pressed my attack i pushed in a bagel for a post-coital snack but in case you think this poem is to amuse as my toes started curling well, out blew a fuse the shock singed my penis and forced out my breath i write this while i pray for sweet and kind death the end - Jeff Vogel Copyright 1993 All rights reserved. No public readings of this poem permitted, without prior written permission of the poet. BTW, GE toasters have great springs. ---------------------------------------- This gem was written by my best friend. Dent L'Dir. a long time ago. Let me tell you the story of Happy Bunny and Happy Squirrel. Happy Bunny and Happy Squirrel were very very good friends. They knew each other for a very very long time and did everything together. Anything Happy Bunny found, he shared with Happy Squirrel. Anything Happy Squirrel found, he shared with Happy Bunny. They were friends forever. Until one day : Happy Bunny was walking very hapily along when he came across a pot of gold. "Ive found a pot of gold!!" exclaimed Happy Bunny. The first thing he wanted to do was show Happy Squirrel his new found treasure. So he ran, and he ran, and he ran all the way to The Happy Hideout where Happy Bunny and Happy Squirrel spent all of their secret time. "Hello Happy Bunny, " said Happy Squirrel. "Hello Happy Squirrel, " said Happy Bunny, "do you know what I found?" "No, no, what did you find?" asked Happy Squirrel. "Its a surprise! I have to show it to you!" said Happy Bunny "Well lets go, lets go!" shouted Happy Squirrel excitedly. So the two friends left their secret hideout to go find the pot of gold. Happy Squirrel was so excited and wanted so badly to find out what Happy Bunny's secret was. He could not wait. Happy Bunny on the other hand was now thinking twice about showing Happy Squirrel the pot of gold. Happy Bunny now wanted to keep the whole pot of gold to himself. Even though Happy Bunny and Happy Squirrel always shared everything, Happy Bunny did not want to show Happy Squirrel the treasure anymore. "We have to cross the road to get to the surprise, " said Happy Bunny "Thats okay, we do it all the time, " said Happy Squirrel, "all we have to do is look both ways and make sure no cars are coming. Then we can walk across the street just like our parents showed us." "Thats right, we'll make sure to look both ways. You look one way, Ill look the other," Said Happy Bunny. They came upon the road and each looked their seperate ways to check for cars. Happy Bunny looked left. And Happy Squirrel stared right. But Happy Bunny did not look left for very long. Happy Bunny pushed Happy Squirrel out into the road and Happy Squirrels skull was crushed. Little Happy Squirrel brains were squished out all over the road and looked like a bloody lump of Happy rotting flesh. The smell was not very happy either. Happy Squirrel smelled real bad because Happy Squirrel was dead. Happy Bunny had a large evil grin on his face as he stuck his Happy Bunny foot in the blood red squashed remains of his Happy friend. His teeth were shining like sharp razors and he had a crazed look in his eye. "Now you will never get any of my gold you worthless squirrel!!! Happy Bunny laughed and laughed and laughed. But this is not the end of our story. This is only the beginning. Happy Squirrel's spirit was rising from his dead squirrel body. It was going to heaven becuase Happy Squirrel was a good Squirrel. But a large gust of wind blew Happy Squirrel's soul back down to the ground. Now he was stuck on the earth because he did not have wings yet. So Happy Squirrel was now trapped between two worlds. He was not in heaven, but he was not on earth. "What am I to do as a ghost?" asked Happy Squirrel. Happy Squirrel cried and cried and cried until a little bird who saw Happy Squirrel crying landed next to him. "Hello, My name is Happy Pigeon, why are you crying?" asked the bird. "Im crying because my friend Happy Bunny pushed me into the road " cried Happy Squirrel. "Im sorry. What a mean friend you have." replied the Happy Pigeon. "He's not my friend anymore, NO ONE IS MY FRIEND ANY MORE!!!" Screamed Happy Squirrel. Happy Squirrel grabbed Happy Pigeon and choked him to death. Happy Pigeons useless body fell limp to the ground as Happy Squirrel laughed and laughed and laughed. For some reason Happy Squirrel felt very good about himself now. "Im going to get that Bunny and pay him back!" exclaimed Happy Squirrel. So Happy Squirrel ran all around looking for Happy Bunny. When he did find Happy Bunny, Happy Bunny was playing with his pot of gold. "The squirrel is dead! The gold is mine! Im glad hes gone! The gold is all mine," sang Happy Bunny. "IM GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU WORTHLESS RABBIT!!!" shouted Happy Squirrel. Happy Bunny looked up to see the grotesque face of a hellish like demon hovering above him. The creature he saw had fangs and crooked teeth to match. His hair was on fire and his eyes bulged out of their sockets. The monster had dirty claws that dripped blood. You could see his ribs through his pale and gaunt skin. Happy Squirrel was not so happy any more. "Oh no! Its the devil!" screamed Happy Bunny. And so it was. Not So Happy Squirrel had been possessed by satan Happy Squirrel was now a walking manifestation of the evil and hatred found in the past, present, and future. Happy Squirrel was now a demon. Happy Bunny was too scared to move. His little shaking rabbit body could not even twitch. The claws and fangs of Not So Happy Squirrel were slowly tearing apart the once happy body of Happy Bunny. First he gouched out Happy Bunny's eyes. Then tore off Happy Bunny's happy little ears. Then he tore off Happy Bunny's little tail. Then all four legs were ripped off the dying carcass of a once very rich and happy rabbit. This was not the end of it all though. Not So Happy Squirrel then cut open the body of Happy Bunny and dug out with his claws Happy Bunny's guts. He slowly shoved them in his mouth savoring the sweet delicacies of blood and guts. Happy Bunny was now dead. Dead Happy Bunny's spirit did not rise from his body. It fell into hell to burn in torture for eternity. For the rest of time Happy Bunny was trapped in hellish flames that engulfed him forever. Happy Squirrel was now stuck on earth as a ghost and spent the rest of eternity killing rabbits. So the next time you see a squirrel and a rabbit playing in the forest, remember the story of Happy Bunny and Happy Squirrel. For you now know that cute little furry animals are the devil in disguise. ------------------------------ (I have a videotape of me reading that to my speech class I should make an .au out of. they did say 'tell us a story') ------------------------------ Thats about it for today. all of these (and other stuff like it) are accessable thru http://scf.nmsu.edu:4280/ then hit the Public Text link. -- Erik "Techs" Fichtner [Web Me! -- http://freedom.nmsu.edu/~emf] (emf@freedom.nmsu.edu || lucifer!techs@scf.nmsu.edu) ________ Physics and Astronomy, New Mexico State University. /\ Systems Adminstrator, NMSU Student Computing Foundation /--\ _/__\_\_ "Any clod can have the facts, aNk1e ByT0rz but having opinions is an art" -Charles McCabe >From kevyn@ksu.ksu.edu Sun Dec 4 10:48:38 1994 Received: from amhux3.amherst.edu (root@amhux3.amherst.edu [148.85.1.53]) by amber.ccs.neu.edu (8.6.8/8.6.4) with SMTP id KAA17208 for ; Sun, 4 Dec 1994 10:48:37 -0500 Received: from grunt.ksu.ksu.edu by amhux3.amherst.edu with SMTP id AA01415 (5.65c+/IDA-1.4.4 for ); Sun, 4 Dec 1994 10:48:33 -0500 Received: from matt.ksu.ksu.edu by grunt.ksu.ksu.edu (8.6.8/1.34) id JAA27406; Sun, 4 Dec 1994 09:48:29 -0600 Received: by matt.ksu.ksu.edu (8.6.8/1.34) id JAA25499; Sun, 4 Dec 1994 09:48:27 -0600 Date: Sun, 4 Dec 1994 09:48:25 -0600 (CST) From: Kevyn Jacobs Subject: IBFT Questionnaire To: bleed@unix.amherst.edu Message-Id: Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Status: RO IBFT Syndicate questionnaire. 1. How many times were you beat up in high school? More times than I can count. 2. How many hours per day would you expect to spend on IBFT/syndicate related projects? 0.00000000000000000000000000000002 3. List Internet services you have access to. (FTP, IRC, etc). The works. At least my tuition goes for SOMETHING useful! 4. Please indicate any privileged status you have at your site. (example: superuser status could be used to set up FTP/WWW server newsadmin status could help push through IBFT newsgroup) Hey, I am a total peon. 5. How could she leave you, when you had so much love to give? Actually, I told her to get the fuck out - I'd much rather give my love to him than to her. 6. Why did you fuck Kennedy? He BEGGED me to! He kept telling me that Marilyn just couldn't make him feel like a man the way I could. 7. Why the hell should we let you join IBFT Syndicate? You shouldn't. But I suspect you probably will anyway.... 8. Check here if you forgot to put Kennedy's diapers back on after you packed her colon full of rotten fruit: [ ] 9. How many times did you try to commit suicide by running with scissors? Do you mean BEFORE or AFTER I lost my virginity? It was MUCh more common before..... 10. If there's anything else you want to say, do it now. Fuck you. Fuck Me. Fuck Jesse Helms. (No, on second thought, YOU fuck Jesse Helms!) >From gregk@borneo.ucsd.edu Fri Dec 16 05:33:57 1994 Received: from amhux3.amherst.edu (root@amhux3.amherst.edu [148.85.1.53]) by amber.ccs.neu.edu (8.6.8/8.6.4) with SMTP id FAA23090 for ; Fri, 16 Dec 1994 05:33:56 -0500 Received: from ucsd.edu by amhux3.amherst.edu with SMTP id AA05980 (5.65c+/IDA-1.4.4 for ); Fri, 16 Dec 1994 05:33:51 -0500 Received: from gkogut.extern.ucsd.edu by ucsd.edu; id CAA29101 sendmail 8.6.9/UCSD-2.2-sun via SMTP Fri, 16 Dec 1994 02:33:44 -0800 for Message-Id: <199412161033.CAA29101@ucsd.edu> From: Greg Date: Fri, 16 Dec 94 02:28:32 -800 To: bleed@unix.amherst.edu Mime-Version: 1.0 X-Mailer: Mozilla/0.94 Beta (Windows) Content-Type: text/plain; charset=iso-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit Subject: take it, or fuck you Status: RO > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > IBFT Syndicate questionnaire. > > > > 1. How many times were you beat up in high school? > > The beatimgs were nothing. It was the anal rape that really got to me. Everyday after gym class, > guys from the football team would trap me in the showers, bend me over the towel rack, and take > turns on my sphinctor while all the cheerleaders watched. I usually passed out after the fourth or > fifth guy, and I would wake up hours later, my ass caked with blood and semen, and practically > drowning in vomit. It would take me hours to pull the quarterback's mouthpiece out of my colon. > To this day, whenever I take a shower, I can still the hear the "ka-thump, ka-thump" of those guys > driving their long rods hard into my ass. > > 2. How many hours per day would you expect to spend on IBFT/syndicate > related projects? > > I'm so busy, with all the exciting, important things going on in my life, I could only fit, say, > between 12-14 hours per day in. > > 3. List Internet services you have access to. (FTP, IRC, etc). > > All of 'em, baby. > > 4. Please indicate any privileged status you have at your site. > (example: superuser status could be used to set up FTP/WWW server > newsadmin status could help push through IBFT newsgroup) > > I have SU status on my Silicon Graphics Indy at work. I run a WWW site on it. It's at > http://borneo.ucsd.edu. It's oceanographic data, for global warming research, or something like > that. I would be happy to make an IBFT WWW page. It would make me feel good, being > associated with such Generation-X poets as yourselves. > > 5. How could she leave you, when you had so much love to give? > > She did it twice. The last time being yesterday. She's not answering the phone, all I get is the > machine. To prove my love, I'm going to take a whole bottle of Darvocet, wait till I'm about to > pass out, then call her and let her machine record the sound of me trying to say, "I still love you" > as I drown in a pool of my own vomit. She'll pick up the phone just as I go unconscious and beg > for me to forgive her, but it'll be too late. > > She fucked the guy she dumped me for while on an acid trip. How the fuck can I compete with > acid? Fucking impossible. My personality is boring enough in the first place. Acid is better than > personality. > > 6. Why did you fuck Kennedy? > > Who's Kennedy? Does not knowing make me un-cool? Not that I don't want to fuck him/her. I > will if it's required. > > 7. Why the hell should we let you join IBFT Syndicate? > > Becuase I have so much love to give. > > 8. Check here if you forgot to put Kennedy's diapers back on after you > packed her colon full of rotten fruit: [ ] > > 9. How many times did you try to commit suicide by running with scissors? > > That's pretty funny. You make me laugh. > > 10. If there's anything else you want to say, do it now. > > My Soul Was Destroyed At Banana Republic > by Greg K. > > I was living in the athletic apartments before the classes started in order to make pre-season > cross-country practice. I was living with two girl runners. One of them was beautiful. I fell in > love with her. But she was cool, and bought clothes at Banana Republic, so I knew I didn't have > a chance. I didn't even have a car. So I just sat in bed reading "Zen And The Art of Motorcycle > Maintenance" all day, like the pathetic pseudo-intellectual that I am. > > She came into my room. > > "What are you reading?" she asked perkily. > > "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance," I replied, coolly. > > "Ooooh, Zen, that's sooo cool!!" she replied perkily. "I've been meditating all summer. It really > helps me relax and stuff. I think that's so cool that you're reading that. Does it have any > meditation in it?" > > "Um, no. It's about a guy who goes fucking nuts. But if you want to read it sometime, I'll lend it > to you. I think you'd like it," I lied, trying valiantly to make some kind of real social contact with > the goddess. > > And then she smiled at me. Not a fake, patronizing smile, either, but one with such spontaneous > warmth that it instantly destroyed my defensive walls of sarcasm and bitterness. She had me. > > I felt a rare confidence. I felt like a man, not the pathetic loser I'd been all my life. I asked her > out, without thinking. > > She accepted, and suggested we go to the mall. > > All my bitter resolve to never again approach the temple of conformity was destroyed. I went. > We went to Banana Republic. Once inside, we saw two other girls from the team. They walked > up to us, and asked what we were doing. She said, "I'm just getting some clothes," turned to me, > and asked, "What are you doing here?" > > I played along for her sake, went home, and picked up my book my book where I left off. > > I don't know what a real smile is anymore. > ============================================================================== IBFT: No matter how hard you laugh with or at it, you'll NEVER get it. http://www.amherst.edu/~mcspinks/ibft/ibfthome.html email: mcspinks@unix.amherst.edu ftp://ftp.etext.org/pub/Zines/IBFT The Eleventh Hour (617)696-3146 ==============================================================================