[--------------------------------------------------------------------------] ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #623 `888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8 888 888 888 888 888 "Apocalyptica Plays Metallica 888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8 By Four Cellos" 888 888 888 888 888 " 888 888 `88b d88' 888 o by Phairgirl [5/9/99] o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8 [--------------------------------------------------------------------------] Wow. There's nothing else to be said, really, except for wow. My days online pass with constant downloading of mp3s from illegal sites, burning them to CD, trading with other interested parties, and wondering just how much trouble a person could really get into by doing this sort of thing. It's a lame sort of thrill, not really a thrill at all, just the illusion of something sneaky and anarchic. For some, that is a good enough reason to play the mp3 game. Then, for people like me who long to hear once more the strained beautiful melodies from bands like Wumpscut and The Cycle Sluts From Hell, it becomes a little bit more than that. All tangents aside, there's nothing more fun than finding a new ftp site and discovering sometimes hundreds of new sounds, new songs, new perspectives, new anything. It was upon such an adventure one day that I began massively leeching from some industrial-type music site when I found a gem among all the monotonous muck. There were two songs, "Nothing Else Matters" and "One," both by Apocalyptica. Obviously, Metallica cover tunes. Okay, well, considering there seemed to be a great number of Madonna cover tunes on industrial sites, I figured, why not see what kind of spin they put on such an old standard. It's not like I had any preconceived notions; anymore, I download anything that sits on a server alongside something else I even kind-of like. A day later, or a couple of days later, whenever I actually got around to listening to the previous night's conquested mp3s, I stumbled upon the songs again in my playlist. At first, I was kind of confused by the complete lack of an 808 or some German man growling rabidly. I continued to listen, and what I heard was utterly the most amazing music I had heard since I discovered Dream Theater back in 1992. I looked again. Yes, this really was Metallica's songs; however, they were being played completely by string instruments (which I would later come to narrow down as being cellos). It was kind of an odd shock; first was the shock that someone was playing "heavy metal" music on a cello. The second shock was simply how beautiful it was. However, the third shock was the best of all, where I truly discovered why it all worked: the songs themselves were beautifully and brilliantly written. I glanced again at the name. Apocalyptica. That night, I found myself at the wonderfully glorious Kennedy Mall in all of its 30 stores of splendor. I wandered through Musicland, coming up almost empty-handed trying to find something of value (although I did manage to pick up an old Morcheeba disc I was looking for, John Petrucci and Mike Portnoy's side project from Dream Theater, Liquid Tension Experiment, and the single for that annoying song "(Not the) Greatest Rapper" which I seem to find cute, but here I am on a tangent again. At the counter, I asked the cute little girl with the nosering and eyebrow ring if they could order Apocalyptica. (Okay, tangent time: That dumb bitch. She SWORE they had it, and spent 15 minutes of my fucking time looking through the same exact fucking racks I just finished looking through and didn't find SHIT. I hate stupid pseudo-cool piercings people who think they are so damn cool and know everything there is to know about anything when they don't know shit, especially, how incredibly retarded they look in bright orange tank tops. But I digress.) I wandered aimlessly through the mall, heading toward the other bastian of evil, Sam Goody. Lo and behold, I walk to the letter "A" and Apocalyptica is somehow out of order and sitting front and center... smiling at me... drawing me closer... forcing me to ignore the $17.99 corporate music store ripoff price. I snatched it up, along with its little friend--two happy discs of Apocalyptica, all for me! All for my happy ears to listen! All for just $35! Once I was home later that night, I gave them first spin. I was planning on only spending a half hour on the computer, as I had to work at the crack of dawn. Interestingly, there was absolutely nothing of interest or consequence happening on IRC. I couldn't find any new mp3s to download. Nobody was online to speak of. Yet somehow, I forced myself to find something to do for almost 2 hours as I finished listening to both of my new discs. The first, Inquisition Symphony, was actually the newer of the two discs, and contained the two songs I had downloaded. To my extreme joy and rapture, not only did they cover Metallica, but also Pantera, Sepultura, and Faith No More. I listened in utter amazement to what they had done to songs I had heard hundreds of times before while growing up watching Headbanger's Ball. It was all beyond comprehension. The second, Apocalyptica Plays Metallica By Four Cellos, was just that: a disc of Metallica cover tunes, spanning most of Metallica's music up to and including the black album. It included my favorite Metallica song also, "Welcome Home (Sanitarium)". Nothing I have ever heard before or since sounded so utterly amazing. Don't get me wrong; I'm not one of those obsessive classical music freaks. In fact, I took Music Appreciation in college and came out hating everything but Mozart and Beethoven. However, I do hold a special place in my heart for any one or any thing that will stand up for the music I grew up with and loved, and Apocalyptica has done it with such amazing clarity and symphonic beauty that it has become almost impossible to think of listening to anything else. Wow. Kill your local piercings inflicted corporate music store clerk for a copy today. [--------------------------------------------------------------------------] [ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #623 - WRITTEN BY: PHAIRGIRL - 5/9/99 ]