$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #163 $$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt. $$$$P $$$$ x$$$$ $$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$. $$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$ $$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$' $$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P' $$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %% $$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %% >> "The Dead Hippo" << by -> Kraftwerk ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- [ Traveling through the mystical woods, we come across to young men arguing over the carcass of a hippopotamus. ] Phil: I was here first! Mike: Hell no! Phil: Then why was I standing here before you even arrived??? Huh???? Mike: Because. Phil: Oh, thats a great excuse. Because. Hmph. Mike: It's a big hippo, why don't we just share it? Phil: NO! IT'S MY HIPPO MOTHER FUCKER! Mike: You can at least be civil about it. Phil: Hippo thief! Mike: Why would I try and steal your mother? Phil: I'll kill you mother fucker! Mike: Go ahead and try, you ignorant pus bag. Phil: GRRRR!!!! (pulls a knife out of his pocket) [ At this point Mike quickly pulls a Tri-lithium Alloy Laser out of his pocket and vaporizes Phils knife. ] Mike: The tides of turned haven't they, Phil? Phil: (on the ground whimpering) Please don't kill Please don't kill me! Mike: Do you concede the hippo carcass to me? Phil: Yes, yes! I'll do anything, just please don't kill me! Mike: All right then. [ While Mike turns his back to start lifting the hippo so he can take it home, Phil pulls yet *another* dagger out of his pocket and throws it at Mike, hitting him in the shoulder. ] Mike: You threw a knife at me! Phil: Obviously. Mike: (doubled over from the pain) You're a dead man. Phil: Really? [ Mike then proceeds to whistle, and we hear a commotion from the nearby bushes. Suddenly, out springs a gnome! ] Gnome: M-O-O-N, that spells poop. Mike: (smacking his forehead) Oh god, of all the things they could have sent me, I get a retarded Gnome. Get the hell out of here, you retard. [ The Gnome, with a desolate scream, crawls back to the bushes. ] Mike: All right, let's try this again. (Whistle) [ We hear yet another commotion in the bushes, and out pops Jesus. ] Mike: Oh boy, another defect. Back you go, crucifuck. [ Jesus scurries back into the bushes. ] Phil: You sure have some neat friends. Mike: Fuck you, you sarcastic mo-fo. Phil: Oh go to hell, bitch. Mike: What were we fighting over in the first place? Phil: The hippo carcass, dumb ass. (gesturing to the now bare ground) Mike: Gasp! It's gone! Phil: Where'd you put it, thief? Mike: I didn't take it. Suddenly, the retarded Gnome jumps back out of the bushes. Gnome: Never insult a gnome! I have taken your hippo carcass and eaten it! Phil: You fuckhead!@!!#%@!$#@! Gnome: Now you will all die. [ The two young men, sensing their fates, try to run away. All of a sudden, the gnome is 200 feet tall! ] GNOME!: YOUU AREEEE DEADDDDDD!@!!!!! [ With a quick movement, GNOME!, lifts his feet and squashes them both. ] --- The moral of the story: Never argue over a hippo carcass in a Mystical Forest when there are any gnomes around, for they are all powerful and will take away the hippo carcass and kill you. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- * (c) HoE publications. HoE #163 -- written by Kraftwerk -- 12/18/97 *