hogs of entropy corporation special report 114 __________________________________________________ / --------------/__--------__--------__------------- / ) / ) /___) ____________/___/_____(___/_____(___ _____________ >> "the boy who seeks happiness meets darkthrone" << by -> murmur --------------------------------------------------------------------------- "they call me fitzsimmons but i'm not quite sure why i just seek eternal happiness do you know where it lies?" such is the song of fitzsimmons, the boy who seeks happiness. my, if he hasn't had one hell of a time finding that darned happiness. he keeps going around and singing his song and annoying the shit out of people just because he wants to be happy - as if the dumb fucker wasn't happy enough! one day fitzsimmons was racing around some green hills somewhere and he came upon some unusually toad shaped people and he sang his song. "they call me fitzsimmons, but i'm not quite sure why. i just seek eternal happiness, do you know where it lies?" the toad people directed fitzsimmons to the large area of land known vaguely as the "scandinavian peninsula". little did fitzsimmons know that happiness does not exist in scandinavia, all that exist in scandinavia are higher tax rates, advanced welfare states, & fjords. well, fitzsimmons got to that scandinavia place and he found this charming place called helsinki and he sang his song to some people on the street. "they call me fitzsimmons, but i'm not quite sure why. i just seek eternal happiness, do you know where it lies?" the poor finns didn't know what the hell the idiot north american was talking about, but someone thought he might be talking about whales. they told him to go to norway. fitzsimmons found the mythical norway, although he took a very ridiculous path to get there. i mean, helsinki isn't that far from norway, but i'll be damned if he didn't somehow go through al's meats. well, there he was in norway and he sang his song for somebody who paid too much in taxes. "they call me fitzsimmons, but i'm not quite sure why. i just seek eternal happiness, do you know where it lies?" the conservative norseman didn't really care to deal with him so he muttered something about eronymous and left. thinking this was a clue, fitzsimmons asked people about the mysterious "eronymous" until a youth informed him that it was not eronymous, but in fact the mythical lord grishnackh that he should seek. eronymous was dead. so fitzsimmons searched for lord grishnach and was subsequently informed that darkthrone was on the abandoned apple hill. there are no abandoned apple hills in norway, of course, but fitzsimmons rummaged his way there and encountered the members of the real norwegian black metal band darkthrone, fronted by lord grishnackh. "they call me fitzsimmons, but i'm not quite sure why. i just seek eternal happiness, do you know where it lies?" lord grishnackh feasted on fitzsimmons's soul that night and the editor was too lazy to go back and change any verb tenses to make that apparent. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- * (c) HoE publications. HoE #114 -- written by murmur -- 6/11/97 *