:::. :: :istorted :::' Text File #1 :::. Spirit of Entropy ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ :: :igital ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ 8 February 1994 :::' Mongoloid Telecom :::: ::. rection :::: ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: 'Modem Wrestling Federation Returns!' by Spirit of Entropy In conjunction with Necropolis telecom enterprises ........... T H E M O D E M W R E S T L I N G F E D E R A T I O N It's here once again friends and neighbors, the 1994 edition of the Modem Wrestling Federation! It's sheer chaos here at the Akron Rubber Bowl! The stadium is filled to capacity with modem users from around the country to view this battle for possession of the coveted Modem Wrestling Federation Championship belt! Coming up the isle side to the music of Tom Petty's 'Rebel Without a Clue' ... it's the community's favorite modem rebel, Sorc! Sorc is sauntering down the isle accompanied by several Glenoak high school students. All of them seem less than completely 'here'. Sorc grabs the ring microphone. "Hey! Fuck society! The country is completely fucked! Lets tear it DOWN!!!!!" The Akron Bowl is filled with yells as the crowd goes wild. Burnouts flail their fists into the air to enact their cathardic ritual of rebellion. Next ... to the strains of the Doors 'People are Strange' ... it's that master of telechat, the Lord of Chat Sex ... LARRY SMITH! Yes, the sysop of The Canton Connection is HERE! Many members of the crowd look on in wonder, wondering about the many rumors surrounding this local Stark sysop. Larry goes to the mic. "I run a clean system. You don't have to pay if you don't want to. I don't encourage any kind of unwholesomeness". "Hey, you perverted loser!" screams someone from the crowd. "We've got CAPTURES of Ramsey and other losers from your BBS having CHAT SEX with young children! Ever heard of 'pandering pornographic materials to minors'!" "Fuck off Elminster," screams Larry. "I kicked you off my BBS, and now you'll NEVER get back on!" Guest Referee Virgin Sacrifice rings the bell... "Hey, Larry. I've got 5 fakes on your pathetic system! Go pound salt!", screams Elminster. "Why, you..." mutters Larry. Larry unfortunatly hasn't noticed that the match has begun! Sorc comes up behind Larry and slams him with capture buffers of chat sex on the Canton Connection! "Hey, let me introduce you to the county prosecutor after the match ... he's right over there!," screams Sorc. "I run the best BBS in the county!", yells Larry, smashing Sorc with a Canton Connection door program, written by his crony Chaos. Sorc smashes Larry with a forearm. Larry responds with a sharp kick to the groin, which drops Sorc sprawling to the matt. Larry then begins to kick Sorc while he's down ... of course! "Hey, what's going on there?" asks new modem user Dick Hertz. "That's illegal! Where's the referee?". The crowd starts to look around. Oh, no! Virgin Sacrifice has been cornered by horny modem males! Shaboo and Ironman have got her in a corner! "C'mon baby!", says Shaboo. "My wife will never know!" "This is fucking BULLSHIT!" screams Dick. "Well then, go do something about it!" yells Elminster. "If you want to be a sysop, do something memorable!" Dick looks at the disgusting scene, unsure of what he can do ... meanwhile, in the ring ... Larry has got Sorc in a choke hold! Sorc is starting to lose consciousness! What's this? Chaos and Ramsey from Canton Connection are in the ring! Ramsey is smashing Ryan with his 'Open Letter to the Canton Connection'! "If I want to molest children, i'll molest children!" hollers Ramsey. "You might be smarter than I am, better looking, and generally a superior human being ... but ... but ...". Ramsey looks confused. Chaos smacks Sorc with a text file on the donation structure of TCC. Meanwhile.... "Look, Dick..." says Elminster. "I don't dislike you or anything. You just wanted to run a BBS all of a sudden ... and i've seen too many rodent hole systems. I didn't mean to come down on you. Look. Lets go save VS. Maybe Sorc will give us higher access!" "Yeah!", says Dick Hertz. "I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. It just pissed me of. You don't even know me. Well ... lets kick some ass!" Dick and Elminster jump from their seats and run down to the emergency exit, where Virgin Sacrifice is being molested. "C'mon baby ... you KNOW you want it!" says Ironman, stroking VS's upper arm. "You modem geeks! I'd rather gargle with broken glass then TOUCH you! I have a life! I have a MIND! I'm going to be SOMEONE, unlike YOU!". Suddenly, Ironman is DOWN! Dick Hertz is smashing him with his high school text books! Next, Dick rips him with a capture of his various angry messages to Elminster! "I'm going to make you sorry you messed with me Elminster!" says Shaboo. Elminster looks unconcerned. "The Goddess hagave me a gift. Want to see it?" Elminster pulls out a diskette of some sort... it's GOLD! It's GLOWING! "This represents the sum total of my experience as a modem user." says Elminster. "8 years ... 3 BBS systems ... you're screwed!". The disk pulses with light, and Shaboo is down on the floor ... out cold! "What the hell was that?" asks Hertz, wiping blood from his hands. "Just make sure to disinfect that hand. TCC user and all ... you know what they say ... 'An ounce of prevention, because there is no cure!'" "Thanks for the assist." says VS. "I always knew you didn't hide under a bed Elminster!" Back in the ring .... Sorc is on his last legs. He manages with his last strength to knock Ramsey and Chaos out of the ring with a copy of his system activity log! "See ... I have ACTIVE users!" says Sorc to Larry. Larry is angry. He smashes Sorc with a copy of all of his xxx pervert-special text files. Sorc is about to go down when .... WHO IS THIS? A man has leaped into the ring! He smashes Larry with a copy of the Christian Bible! Larry is stuned! "Your BBS is a den of perversion! It is an abomination to the Lord, thy God! Prepare for DOOM!". The man assaults Larry with a crucifix. Larry tries to protect himself with some photos of one of his various TCC picnics. The stranger counters with a 'Man O War' CD. Sorc staggers to his feet. "Go ahead and finish him, neighbor!" yells the unknown man. "Hey!" screams Azathoth. "That's Duuk Tsarith!" The crowd gasps in amazement, surprised to see the infameous modem evangelist in the ring! Sorc grabs Larry by the shirt front, and clobbers him with his SAT/ACT scores. He then wacks Larry with various debate researcch. "Fininsh him, baby!" screams Virgin Sacrifice. "We'll go back to your house, and .... " Sorc wastes no time. He looks the almost comatose Larry in the eye. "You have many phone lines. You mave many megs. You have net mail. You can hook your BBS to a Cray, and it will ALWAYS be what it is ... a sink hole of rodentism. A place for the idiotic and perverted. I will ALWAYS run the most innovative, creative, and interesting BBS in the COUNTY!". Sorc winds up .... and smashed Larry with a copy of his own idiotic, pathetic user registry! Larry is out COLD! He ain't getting up! "The winner of tonight's attraction ... the rebirth of the MWF.... Sorc!". Virgin Sacrifice raises Socr's arm into the air, and gives him a quick kiss to boot! The crown is on its feet! Cheering is like a wave, rolling over the Akron Bowl." "Wait!" yells Sorc, pointing to Duuk Tsarith. "Why did you help me tonight Duuk? We never agree. We always argue. Why?" "A spirit of perversion hangs above Larry". Duuk says. "Besides, no matter what we say to each other ... no matter how often we disagree .. i'll still pray for you, still try to help you out all I can." "Well", says Sorc. "I don't believe in this Jesus stuff ... but, what the hell. You're ok with me!" The crowd gives three cheetrs for Duuk! Even ELMINSTER! "What the heck." says Elmmy. "It could be worse. He could be a MORMON!". Watch for another EXCITING episode of ........... THE MODEM WRESTLING FEDERATION!!!!!!!! `'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`' Distorted Digital Erection February 1994 Text File #1 DDE is fully supported on the Necropolis BBS 216.966.8970 - subterranean telecom - All TEXT! vaginal yeast infections are worse, much worse.. Submissions are accepted. Send your t-file submission to Sorc, on the Necropolis. If using a new account, (I)nclude the file with the New User Application. CHECK for MORE Distorted Digital Erection in the NEAR future! TCC in CHECK! ... and assorted tales of erect rodentia!... `'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`' -eof-