BTN: Birmingham Telecommunications News COPYRIGHT 1992 ISSN 1055-4548 February 1992 Volume 5, Issue 2 Table Of Contents ----------------- Article Title Author Policy Statement and Disclaimer................Staff Publisher's Corner.............................Mark Maisel Review: Speed 1.0.............................Eric Hunt The Reality of (my) Life.......................Shawn Trucks Review: Jabber 1.01...........................Patrick Grote Notes From The Trenches........................Dean Costello The Adventures of R.G. Strangemind & Herbert...Jeremy Lewis Special Interest Groups (SIGs).................Barry Bowden Known BBS Numbers..............................Staff ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Disclaimer and Statement of Policy for BTN We at BTN try our best to assure the accuracy of articles and information in our publication. We assume no responsibility for damage due to errors, omissions, etc. The liability, if any for BTN, its editors and writers, for damages relating to any errors or omissions, etc., shall be limited to the cost of a one year subscription to BTN, even if BTN, its editors or writers have been advised of the likelihood of such damages occurring. With the conclusion of that nasty business, we can get on with our policy for publication and reproduction of BTN articles. We publish monthly with a deadline of the fifteenth of the month prior to publication. If you wish to submit an article, you may do so at any time but bear in mind the deadline if you wish for your work to appear in a particular issue. It is not our purpose to slander or otherwise harm a person or reputation and we accept no responsibility for the content of the articles prepared by our writers. Our writers own their work and it is protected by copyright. We allow reprinting of articles from BTN with only a few restrictions. The author may object to a reprint, in which case he will specify in the content of his article. Otherwise, please feel free to reproduce any article from BTN as long as the source, BTN, is specified, and as long as the author's name and the article's original title are retained. If you use one of our articles, please forward a copy of your publication to: Mark Maisel Editor, BTN 221 Chestnut St. BHM, AL 35210-3219 (205)-956-0176 We thank you for taking the time to read our offering and we hope that you like it. We also reserve the right to have a good time while doing all of this and not get too serious about it. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- F R E E B I E : G E T I T W H I L E I T S H O T ! The following boards allow BTN to be downloaded freely, that is with no charge to any existing upload/download ratios. ADAnet One Alter-Ego Arkham Asylum Channel 8250 Little Kingdom Joker's Castle Crunchy Frog Myth Drannor Owl's Nest The MATRIX Abject Poverty The Bus The Outer Limits Bloom County The Round Table DC Info Exchange Radio Free Troad Owlabama BBS Amiga Alliance ][ DataLynx Martyrdom Again?! Safe Harbor Kiriath Arba If you are a sysop and you allow BTN to be downloaded freely, please let me know via EZNet so that I can post your board as a free BTN distributor. Thanks. MM ----------------------------------------------------------------------- N E W S F L A S H I don't have any earth shattering news right now. I would like to thank Bob and Doug for the roast. In all honesty, I had absolutely no idea how it would go over, and was a bit concerned that it might not work. I was very wrong. 45 people demonstrated it quite clearly. Everyone I've spoken to since has said that they had a grand time, myself included. Yes, I do speak to myself, and sometimes I say the darnedest things. Anyway, I'd like to congratulate them for coming up with an idea, planning and enacting it, and having it be an incredible success. MM The bbs list is as accurate as I can manage it, given my other obligations. If you observe any inaccuracy or missing information, please drop me a note in any EZNet conference. The message may take a few days to get to me, but I'll get it. Thanks. MM ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Publisher's Corner by Mark Maisel Have you ever noticed how some folks keep their PC's? What I mean is, the way they install, use, or not use software, and their configurations too. I've been sitting here, relaxing, and looking over the system of a friend; no, I won't say who it is as I don't want to embarrass anyone. I've nearly always been rather production minded in regards to my computers, especially the IBM compatibles. Way back when, when I had a VIC-20, and it was a fairly new fad for the average American to purchase a micro-computer, I, like most everyone I've ever known to get into it, grabbed every piece of software for my machine as I could locate. I kept it all too. Used the computer to inventory it, hahahaha! Most of it never got used, and was not in my line of interests anyway. Why did I hoard it and lust for it so? Good question, if I do say so myself. Others do the same thing. It continues to happen every day. As I was saying, this computer I'm checking out, has more "mess" on it than I can shake a stick at, as the saying goes. There are multiple copies/versions of nearly every piece of software on the poor thing. The HD is nearly full of redundant stuff, and the real pity of it is, that the owner never uses, at least regularly, 95% of the software on the machine. I was horrified to find out, naive me, that he didn't even know how to use the vast bulk of it. I was trying to help him fix some problems and we waded through stuff that has been on the HD for a year or more, and he hadn't the slightest idea how to use more than one or two replacement commands from a DOS enhancement package. I really shouldn't be surprised. I am a consultant, when need and the proper amount of $$$ arise. I see this sort of thing, and worse, all the time. Why does it sting me so to see it? Most people, at least Americans, don't like to be perceived as being ignorant of something as trendy and today as computers. You can't be an expert at everything, no matter how hard you try. Could Albert Einstein wrestle? Could Ghengis Khan solve the riddles of the universe? Of course not, and not everyone is going to be a computer user extraordinaire. Much of it can be forgiven, but I cannot understand the notion of collecting, hoarding, and trading software, even the good ole legally tradable shareware and public domain titles. I download or otherwise acquire new software from time to time. I check it out for reviews in BTN, for client recommendation, or for my own use. I have staples that I use for my daily computing needs; a text editor, word processor, terminal software, mail reader, compression utility, and DOS shell. I have database software and some other stuff, but they don't get used nearly as often as the former. I keep the few things I need infrequently either stowed in compressed format or on a floppy diskette, ready to be retrieved and used as need arises. Who, in their right mind, needs two versions of Word Perfect, two of Lotus 1-2-3, and a few copies of Quattro, several DOS shells, none of which are ever used, a handful of database programs, and two versions of Procomm, one of which that is so out of date, that it doesn't even properly support the modem this fellow owns??? I am confused. I am frustrated. This fellow is a known pack rat. He does this with everything of interest to him, be it hobby or job related. There are others who are not so bad in life except when it comes to software. Why have it around if you aren't going to use it? I know of a couple who have a room that is pretty much dedicated as their software collection. There are shelves of purchased commercial and shareware products, much to their credit, plus boxes and more boxes of disks, filled with every sort of software you can imagine. I asked, once, why they keep it all. I was told that you never know when someone may want a copy of some program from 1983, and by gum, they'll be ready with it when it happens. Its a life, I suppose. They have this complex cataloging system that would do the Library of Congress proud, and can find anything pretty quickly. I've tested them and know it to be true. Is there something to be said in the positive on software hoarding? I can't find it, save repositories such as those who sell disks with shareware and public domain stuff. They are excellent clearing houses who have an obvious business interest. Another reasonable excuse for this behavior is the bbs. Sysops often have huge collections of software for their users to peruse that act as an attractant to users. This is also understandable, especially if the sysop runs the bbs for profit. There are variations on hoarding. I know of many who only want the latest and greatest and become extremely insulted and insulting if you offer something else. There are also specialists. These folks collect all of a certain kind of software, sometimes they branch out to more than one kind, but limit themselves still, which separates them from the general collectors. Why only have one word processor when you can have twenty? Never mind that the time required to learn twenty different command sets would eat up any time and resolve to do any useful writing. Of course, who wants or needs to learn the packages. They are only objects to be collected. Digital butterflies to be collected and pinned to a board for display. Perhaps I'm the odd man out. I know many more folks who keep spareware around the house than don't, that is, among my computer owning acquaintances. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Review: SPEED Read 1.0 by Eric Hunt Offline mail readers have been around for several years now, and their novelty and newness is wearing off. From the original two or three readers to today's dozens of them, generally there has been room for improvement, room for distinct innovation. SPEED Read provides that improvement and innovation. Based upon what is commonly called the 'database style' mail reader, SPEED Read provides all the flexibility and power that one can expect from a traditional offline mail reader, while adding the capability to archive, or 'database,' entire message bases from reading session to reading session. One can now maintain an entire collection of messages from a particular conference and have them accessible at the touch of a key. SPEED Read has a proven capacity of between 3000 and 4000 messages, depending on local system configurations. That's a lot of messages, folks! Installing SPEED Read is very easy. After typing in the random 5 digit 'unregistered' code, you are presented with a short configuration screen that allows you to tell SPEED where to look for incoming .QWKs, where to place outgoing .REPs, what editor/command line combination to use, various utility programs you might wish to use, all the basics for getting any mail reader started. Opening and reading a packet is as simple as selecting the BBS with waiting mail in it and pressing From there, SPEED unzips the .QWK, and builds the new BBS database. That takes a short while, and SPEED even has logic to detect if you have multiple packets from the same BBS waiting on you (i.e. BBS.QWK BBS.QW0 BBS.QW1). Then you are presented with a list of conferences. At first I found the conference list quite daunting, as ALL conferences are displayed, regardless of whether they have mail or not. But a quick press of F1, and I'm introduced to one of SPEED Read's strongest points: Extensive context-sensitive online help. In fact, I am told that the entire written manual for SPEED was developed primarily from the online help screens, they're that good. Help tells me that there are various easy to use keystrokes that will move me around in the conference area listing. No more anxiety. Conferences can be added/dropped from the main conference area listing. However, the QMAIL 4.0 add/drop commands are not supported directly, you'll have to generate those messages by hand. While every reader has it's differences, the largest of all is the placement of keys to move around a message base. Every reader I've used has a different layout. With that said, SPEED Read has the standard controls for moving around a message base, with special keys to mark individual messages to either be KEPT no matter what, or KILLED no matter what in the message database. While reading messages, ANSI messages can be displayed on screen, but the ANSI support is NOT internal, ANSI.SYS or compatible device driver must be present in your config.sys. This is not a drawback, however, as internal ANSI support would unnecessarily bloat the code for SPEED. And messages can be saved to text files for use elsewhere. The message header is also included on messages saved to disk (outside of the database, in other words.) SPEED Read can be configured to bring up the reply information dialogue box before, after, or before and after you write the reply. I have mine setup to show the box after I reply, but you can change it to whatever you like. Another strong point of SPEED Read is evident in the reply info dialogue: Picklists. Picklists allow you to press a key, and have a listing of possible values for that particular entry field be displayed. Taglines, TO:, FROM:, CONF#, all have picklists. They are very powerful, and very handy. You can 'tell' the TO: picklist to keep a list of commonly used TO: names that are persistent from session to session. And moving a reply to a message from one conference to another is as easy as popping up the conference picklist and selecting the conference you wish to move the reply. Searching for taglines/conferences is also very easy using the picklists. The support for long messages in SPEED is mixed. Users can enter long messages, and SPEED will break them into neat, nice, 100 line chunks as multiple messages. If you need to re-edit a long message, the split messages are invisibly recombined behind the scenes, and you are presented with the original message again. However, if you download a message more than 100 lines, SPEED will only display the first 100. RIME routing in SPEED is present, and done very well. The default is to insert the routing code on ALL RIME replies, which is nice, since deleting it takes one keystroke in the editor. What's even better is that a LONG (100+ line) routed message has the routing code inserted on EACH INDIVIDUAL part of the message, a godsend for those sending long messages on RIME. Taglines are handled exceptionally well by SPEED Read. The user can have any number of different tagline 'files,' each containing 100 tags. Switching between tag files is painless. SPEED also fully supports the add-in tagline manager, John Hancock II. Stealing tags is a breeze. Hit 't' while reading a message, and SPEED looks in the proper place for the tag. If you like what it thinks the tag is, fine. If you don't, you can scroll through EACH LINE of the message, stealing any line in the message you wish. Extremely powerful for those people with lists of tags inside messages, or those that don't use standard style readers. Keeping the message base up to date has been a problem with other database .QWK readers. SPEED Read has taken steps to minimize this problem. First of all, you can tell the reader how many old messages to retain in a conference. The default is 50, but that can be changed to whatever number you wish. I have some of the technical conferences set to 500 old messages, some of the chitchat to 100, and some of the 'I'm just glancing at it' conferences to retain *0* messages. Yep, that's right, you can tell SPEED not to keep any messages in a conference from session to session. In fact, you can effectively turn SPEED Read into a '.QWK-at-a-time' reader by setting ALL the keep old's to Zero. Handy. And if you're so inclined, you can set all conference keep old messages to one number with one keystroke. Purging (deleting the oldest messages as they get moved past the keep old number) is done automatically each time a new packet is imported, but can be done manually. The auto-purge is nice, you never have to worry about the message base growing out of hand. Also, the message bases can be stored in either compressed or uncompressed state. This is VERY nice for those out there with smaller hard disks. The compression is done with PKZIP, and is automatic, just say the word, and SPEED does it. Finally, SPEED has detection routines to prevent you from losing unsaved replies in the even of a power failure, system crash, etc. This feature has saved me several times! While I could go on and on about the good things in SPEED Read, there are some little annoyances. First of them is ironically the name! SPEED is not a speed demon when compared to traditional QWK-at-a-time readers. HOWEVER, when you evaluate the fact that an entire message database is being kept, SPEED works pretty darn fast! The importing of new messages into the conferences at the start of a session can become slow, even on my 386sx, as the number of old messages retained increases. Another minor annoyance is the lack of huge tagline support. Instead of unlimited numbers of 100 tag tagline files, 1 file containing unlimited tags would be better. QMAIL 4.0 ADD/DROP would be nice, in addition to the current MarkMail style add/drop. SPEED Read does not allow anyone, not even registered users, to completely suppress the generation of taglines, including the SPEED stamp. This primarily prevents users with registration numbers from posting in conferences where their identity is best left unknown, such as the 12-step, or Recovery conferences. Threading and sorting in this release is also a bit weak, but I personally prefer to read messages in a straight line, like the old days, so that doesn't bother me much. And finally, an option for including the message header in the text of a reply is needed, so that absentminded people like me can still remember who they are writing a reply to! The author of SPEED Read, Jim Smith, has directly addressed every concern I have above except the complete removal of all traces of a tagline and stated that the rest are slated to be fixed/added in a 'future version.' In addition, Jim has gone above and beyond the call of duty in providing product support for this offline mail reader. He has his own product support conference on the U'NI-net/US echomail network, and is active in the SHAREWARE and OFFLINE conferences of many other nets, including RIME, ILINK, U'NI, and soon FidoNet. Product Support is another gem SPEED Read can add to its hat. Another kudo for Jim is his decision to allow give ALL REGISTERED USERS of SPEED the chance to beta test new releases of the software as he writes them. Currently, version 1.10 is being pounded out of the compiler, and registered users now have access to fixes of some of the problems I detailed above, and additional features, like auto-import of .QWKs from the command line (great for batch files), enhanced threading and sorting options, and more. In short, SPEED Read is an innovative product in a sometimes stagnant shareware marketplace, and has an extremely bright future ahead of it. SPEED is easy enough for beginners and powerful enough for the old pro's. The database of messages can prove invaluable to many people, and makes life easier for those on erratic schedules. Registration for SPEED Read is $25, a *very* competitive price in light of an extensive feature list. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- The Reality of (my) Life An Equally Hopeless Sequel by Shawn Trucks I don't know exactly what it is, but I seem to be coming to some as of yet undisclosed point in my life and if things don't change drastically, and soon, I feel it will be a point from which I don't return. As melodramatic as that sounds, I honestly believe it to be the truth. And more so now than ever before, due to the warm response I received from certain individuals because of my previous article, (See BTN043) even though nothing I said in that article was the least bit untrue. I don't even really know why (small fib) that I feel this way. I don't seem to be any more depressed (bigger fib) than I normally would be, and I honestly believe everything will work out okay. (Blatant lie!) Depression is a sneaky thing. Maybe after a time it just builds and builds until it is either resolved through some sort of release, which I have yet to find, or eventually culminates in a self destructive act of desperation. My emotions are in a maelstrom of turmoil; At times I seem to be almost apathetic. Other times I just start to cry with seemingly no provocation whatsoever. Which is not to imply that I don't know the *reasons* for the tears. I know them all too well. They weigh on my heart like a ton of lead, and anything I do or say to try and resolve them only seems to add more weight. But there's no point in going into the reasons, that was the previous article. And then of course there are the very brief moments of semi-happiness that only serve to make the moments of despair all the more painful when they've returned. Semi-happiness is probably too strong a word also. It would probably be more truthful to say that sometimes my mind is temporarily occupied with something else, so I don't think about how hopeless everything is. Then seconds later when I come to my senses, as it were, it all washes back down on me like a tidal wave. And so the cycle continues. Instability is the foundation of my life, it would seem. What makes it all the more worse is the fact that I always seem to alienate and turn the people I care about against me. I can't even talk to some of my friends on the phone without inadvertently saying something to either make them angry or hurt their feelings. It's no wonder they don't call as often as at one time. One of my good friends, Crystal has called a lot lately, but she recently separated from her boyfriend so I imagine it's because she's depressed and needs to talk. Another friend, who usually calls several times every day, hasn't called for quite awhile, but I would guess that's because she's pissed off because I refused to call this guy for her with whom she's been cheating on her husband. What a fucking soap opera huh? So occasionally I hurt someone's feelings, but it's never on purpose. I've never wanted to hurt anyone in the least, but it seems that's the only thing I'm really good at. Too bad there aren't any good career opportunities in it. So many times I have wanted to do them all and myself a big favor and just disappear from their lives forever. I guess an excellent case in point would be the way I've turned the one person I ever truly loved against me. During the times we spent together, I never would have believed I could have caused her to feel about me the way she apparently does now. But I guess I should never underestimate my ability to take a good thing and turn it to shit. It's pretty damned funny actually, that the one thing she could do that would really hurt me would simply be to dislike me. She holds the key. All she has to do now is turn it. Maybe if she's reading this it will make her happy to know that, but I don't think so. I don't believe it was ever her intention to hurt me, just as it was never my intention to hurt her. Sometimes things just get out of hand. And now things have escalated to the point where I can't even remember when everything first started to go downhill. But I guess it doesn't really matter how things come to be. It doesn't matter how much two people once cared for each other. All that matters is the end product. The past exists only in memories... And how soon we seem to forget. Unfortunately, this article is not going to end on a somewhat optimistic note like the last one did. Try as I might, I just couldn't think of any last minute sugar-coated message of hope to close with this time. As far as I can see right now, there *is* no light at the end of the tunnel and the dark just keeps getting darker. Of course I can't blame anyone but myself for the way things have turned out. I've tried to reconcile the situation, but it always ends up back-firing. It would seem then that the obvious solution would be: Stop trying! Nothing I say or do is ever good enough for anyone anyway. Just give up and chalk the whole thing up as a lesson in futility. And who knows? Maybe if I'm lucky, this article will stir up a little more controversy and perhaps even some more hate mail like the last one did. Although hopefully it will be a little more original this time, and a lot less anonymous also. Trust me people, insults are a lot more effective if they come with a NAME. All those interested in joining in the fun, get your tickets now; I'm sure the Dante Bash-Wagon will be comin' round again soon enough. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Review: Jabber 1.01 (offline mail reader) by Patrick Grote PROGRAM: Jabber Version 1.01 AUTHOR: Marcos Della and Shad Muegge Della and Muegge Enterprises Post Office Box 4251 Santa Rosa, CA 95402 RELEASED: November 25, 1991 REGISTRATION: $15.00 ($10.00 for students and seniors) RESTRICTIONS: None RATING: 6.9 out of 10 NAME/SIZE: JABR101.ZIP, 101k The evolution of the QWK standard for mail reading has been amazing. We have witnessed the market exploding from two reader (Qmail Deluxe and EZ Reader) to over 10 (SLIMER, KingQWK, and Speed among others.) The typical shareware rule of thumb has taken over when applied to each category of software it has affected. Mail readers are no different. One of the later entries into the race was a reader called Babble. Babble has been renamed to Jabber, which is the subject of this review. Jabber is written by two people who are members of the "Association of Babble Fish Programmers." The documentation is roughly 30 pages in length and is extremely general. Without the aid of previous experience in the shareware market, users may be confused as to the purpose and scope of the configuration file setup, specifically the color selection. When you first run Jabber, you are placed in the internal editor to modify the configuration file. Straight out of the {COMMO} school of configuration, the file contains variables scattered about between {}s that may have to be changed by the user. {COMMO} users will feel right at home, but people who have no experience with the {} method of configuration may shy away. When you are editing the configuration file, you become pretty good friends with the internal editor. As with most internal editors, Jabber's is quick and efficient, but lacks any advanced commands. A good example concerns the Control Q, Control A keystrokes which allow you to search and replace a phrase. Upon finding and changing the first phrase, the editor stops looking until you hit Control L to continue. Throughout the message reading, though, the editor does a decent job of allowing you to reply. Standard WordStar keystrokes are used. The second screen you will see is the QWK file control screen. Jabber renames your QWK packets to CHANNEL1.111 where it used to be CHANNEL1.QWK. There is no information available on the packet past the filename. You cannot see the date, time or size of the file, nor what archive method was used. This could definitely lead to problems if you are trying to sort through 10 or so packets. When you select a file to read, Jabber kicks into full force. It will unarchive your packet and start you off reading mail with your personal messages. The first thing you notice about the reader screen is that the colors appear to have been picked by a blind, color blind fish. Luckily, these can be toned down in the configuration file. Jabber never really follows the path of other readers. When you start reading mail, the familiar I or INSERT command now enters a new message. In most readers it allows you to view a thumbnail sketch of the conference. Likewise, Jabber only lets you see the conferences that you have mail in. Others, with no mail, are not shown. This can hamper offline configuration of your mail packets. As you read mail, you can try out several of the more useful features of Jabber. The first to catch your eye should be the LOGGING function. By invoking this the messages that you tag are logged to a disk file, in addition to the replies you send. The next useful feature is the ability to view the News, Welcome, Goodbye and Files files from inside the message base. You can tell which of these files are included in the mail packet via a display. The last pleasantry that you will notice is the amazing control you will have over ANSI screens. Jabber allows you to play the screens back slowly, like you were logged onto a BBS, or as if you were TYPING them out. You can even enter a millisecond delay in the configuration file. Replying to mail is fairly straight forward. I was disappointed by the lack of an easy facility for modifying your replies before they are archived. You can configure the reader to reply in the PCRelayNet or Fido format, if necessary. Auto routing is not supported, nor is the ability to bulk mark messages for saving. As you draw your replies to a close, you may come across a neat idea in mail sending: semi-private mail on a public network. How is this accomplished? Hit the / key to invoke the ROT13 encryption method. This is an extremely simple method of switching the first thirteen characters of the alphabet with the last 13. This is not fool proof, but a very nice way of keeping messages to Jabber users. In summary, Jabber is a good start to a untypical reader. It has alot of features that are needed in other readers, but then again it lacks very basic features such as bulk marking and packet information. In the late 70s/early 80s, 7Up was referred to as the "uncola." We can define Jabber as the "unreader." ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Notes from the Trenches by Dean Costello "Home? Why, It's Holiday Inn, Of Course" "You know, after a long day of selling widgets, nothing's better than stopping in at a Hotel 6..." -Tom Bodet Some of you probably know by now that I have been on the road for the last nine weeks. Kind of intriguing, but there are bad parts to not having a home to call your own. As a result, this month's column is about the trials and tribulations of being on the road. There are some bad things about the road, including: -Waking up in the middle of the night, and not knowing what city you are in. Or, for that matter, why the bed is weird. Very disconcerting... -Coming home to mounds of mail. -As a function of the above, the editing by either the U.S.P.S. or by the management of the apartments of the backed-up mail, so I lose bills, and a goodly part of my mail. I haven't seen a "Newsweek" in 2 months, or a "Rolling Stone" since July. -As a function of the above, finding your phone and cable cut off when you get home since you never received the bills that they are cutting you off for. -Discovering that you forgot to empty the garbage before you left. -Discovering that you forgot to start the dishwasher before you left. -Discovering that you forgot to turn off the air conditioner before you left. -Thinking about just leaving the damned cable disconnected since you ain't around to use it anyway, or at least that's what you think on Monday when you leave, but on Friday when you return you discover that cable is very essential; even though it costs $45 a month, thus working out to about $12.00 a day for being home. -Wondering why a U.S. Secret Service agent came by to leave a "Please Call Us" note on your door. -Restaurants in a town with few restaurants, especially Chinese places. -Having to call long distance for anything. -Lack of computer when hands are hurting from arthritis. -Having to fill out expense reports. -Having to fax time sheets to the head office. -No entertainment in this town. But being on the road isn't a complete bite in the bag. There are a few good things, including: -Per diem. This is a very cool concept. Depending on what city you are in, you get a specific amount of money per day to handle food, tips, etc., and the town I'm in allows me to charge $26/day. But I can eat comfortably here for $10-15 a day, so I get to keep the difference. No shit, perfectly legal, its the way my company handles this. Its great. -Away from office. Being in the office is nice, for about 6 hours, but then it becomes yucky. -Away from home. You can duck the bill collectors. -Get a rental car. No Fiero for me, by God. Oh well, these things happen. But the important thing is that I feel like I am making a difference, which is good, I guess. It keeps me warm at night, which due to my being high in the Blue Ridge Mountains is pretty bloody important. "Those that know what's best for us, Must try and save us from ourselves..." -Neil Peart "Religion is the opiate of the masses." -Karl Marx "Uh-OH! I smells trubba! CHRISTIANS comin' up!" -Frank Zappa And this leads me to something else, as I think of it. Remember that friend of mine that turned Christian a couple of months ago, the one that had the same background as I did, yet became One Of Them, and I was very concerned, since if it could happen to Brian, it could happen to me? You don't? Oh well, pay attention then. I was talking to him a couple of nights ago, and I noticed something interesting, in that he is using several different tactics to try and convert me to his brand of icon worship. One of the tactics is: How Can You Not Believe in Jesus? Very simply put, he attacked my, well, disbelief. He assumed that my unbelief was fairly spurious, and was then surprised to find out that I really spent time on determining my beliefs. Poor child discovered that I was, as I express it, an educated heathen when it comes to things eschatological. Yes, there was a person who was probably cruicified on a cross (along with several thousand other terrorists of the time. Remember, crucifixtion was not the way Rome executed any criminal, but was the way that one took care of terrorists and such (remember "Spartacus"?)), but was he a messiah? Who can say. The original meaning of 'messiah' was "Annointed One". There have been many Messiahs, including David and his successors (Solomon, etc.). Messiah means a SECULAR king, no more. Oh well. Anyway, the next attempt was: Flattery Can Get You Anywhere! This was an evilly seductive method, at least towards me. You see, I crave flattery. Anyone that says the simplest words of praise will have me for a slave for an awful long time. I was taught as I was growing up to drive any good comments away with a stick. "Good speach, Dean." No it wasn't. I talked too long, and didn't even know what was going on towards the end. I fidgeted too much, and was awfully boring. "Good job, Dean". I could have done a lot better. It was slipshod, and I didn't take much care in its completion. You should have had someone else that knew what they were doing take care of the project. Besides, I don't want flattery, I want worship. Screw the "Thank you", I want to say, "No, my subjects, arise and look your Sun God in the face". Anyway, he leads off with, "You know, as intelligent as you are, and with the amount of facts and such, plus your analytical ability, you would be one of the finest Christians around, especially with teaching the Word to others, answering questions, things like that." Ooooh, this was a low blow. Fortunately, though, I was intelligent enough to see through the praise to spot Evil Intents. Not to mention that he had the subtlety of a Panzer division going through the Ardennes. The final one that I have run into is: Why Aren't You Dead? Yes, why aren't I dead. This one was a strange method, I felt. It opened up with "How can you be happy without God?" and ran the gauntlet to "With the despair that you must feel without God, why haven't you killed yourself?" to "What's it like not having any meaning to your life?" I'm not really sure how to respond to such questions. I would argue it is a lot like going up to, say, Sir Alec Guiness and asking him what its like to be a knight. Kind of a pointless question, when all is said and done. Or saying, "What's beyond the universe?" to Stephen Hawking. I have noticed that Christians like asking questions that cannot be answered, and using it to substantiate the presence of God. Alas, we each have our own delusions. I just like to think that my delusions at least have a basis in rationale thought. One last thing. For those of you that have been tracking my will, it is all done. I have decided that instead of specifying to specific people what I would like them to have, we are instead going to have gladitorial combat. The winner gets her/his choice of stuff/bux/posters/whatever. Second place gets second choice, etc., etc. So, if you want to be considered for The Games, please let me, or my executor Chris Mohney, know so you can be placed in the combat listings. "I have noticed that whenever people get in Trouble, they oftentimes turn to religion, usually in order to get a reduced sentence from the jury. That's how you can tell that I am having real problems..." - Hunter S. Thompson ----------------------------------------------------------------------- The Adventures of R.G. Strangemind and Herbert by Jeremy Lewis Copyright 1991,92 by Jeremy Lewis no reprints without the permission of the author Part XI "Eh," mumbled Emperor Splort, shaken out of his delirium by the intercomm. "WHAT?!?!?" "Sir," stammered the voice on the intercomm,"You keep killing all the stewards we send to your cabin." "So!" Splort bellowed back, not seeing the relevancy of the voice's statement. "How do you expect us to deliver a message that doesn't anger you if you kill the messangers and ignore our comm messages?" Comes to think of it, realized The Emperor, he hadn't been paying attention to the steward's pitiful pleas and until now he hadn't paid any attention to the intercomm whatsoever. "What do you have to report?" "Well, sir, As I've been trying to explain, we've spotted Slob's ship." The Emperor was happy. "R.G.?" called Herbert, "Where are you? I'm getting tired of looking for you." Herbert was in a terrible fix he couldn't find R.G. and no matter how he tried, he could find no one to help him. "Oh, please" yelled Herbert,"won't somebody help me?" "Yes?" responded a pleasant, but artificial male voice,"How may I aid you, Herbert?" "Huh?" "Elegant to the last, sir." spoke the computer,"I see you are getting the hang of astral travel." "Who are you?", herbert finally thought to ask. "I am the Ship's Computer. I stated that if I was needed all one had to do was call my name and I would reactivate, obviously you are aware of this and that is why you called me. Since, however you don't seem to need my help...Oh yes, and R.G. Strangemind is lying senseless of deck five while an alien ship is approaching on the starboard bow. Good day." Herbert shrugged and began looking for R.G. again. He passed a flight of stairs marked "Level Six", but not having much a feel for reading ignored it as gibberish and began walking up the stairs to level seven. "WHERE IS TOATUS????" yelled and irrational voice. "As I told you, sir", responded a much more sensible voice,"I can no longer sense him." "BUT HE WAS JUST THERE!!!!" "Maybe he is asleep, sir." suggested the reasonable voice. "SUPER-BEINGS DO NOT SLEEP!!!" "Of course, sir.", responded the calm voice. "Perhaps you have a better explanation." "YES! He's obviously gone to sleep. Look for him." "Of course, sir." ----------------------------------------------------------------------- SIG's (Special Interest Groups), Computer Related ------------------------------------------------- BEPCUG CCS Birmingham East PC Users Group Commodore Club South Jefferson Sate Jr. College Springville Road Library Ruby Carson Hall, Rm 114 2nd & 4th Tuesday (C64/C128) 3rd Friday, 7-9 PM 3rd Monday (Amiga) Paula Ballard 251-6058 (after 5PM) 7:30-10 PM BCCC BIPUG Birmingham Commodore Computer Club Birmingham IBM-PC Users Group POB 59564 UAB Nutrition Science Blg Birmingham, Al 35259 RM 535/541 UAB School of Education, Rm 153 1st Sunday (delayed one week 2nd and 4th Sundays, 2 PM if meeting is a holiday) Rusty Hargett 854-5172 Marty Schulman 967-5883 BACE FAOUG Birmingham Atari Computer First Alabama Osborne Users Enthusiast Group Vestavia Library, downstairs Homewood Library 2nd Monday, 7 PM 1st Saturday, 1PM Benny Brown 822-5059 Ed Purquez 669-5200 CADUB CAD Users of Birmingham Homewood Library 3rd Tuesday, 6:30PM-8:30PM Bobby Benson 791-0426 SIG's, Non-Computer Related --------------------------- BBC Birmingham Astronomy Club Blue Box Companions Subject: Astronomy Subject: Dr. Who Red Mountain Museum Annex Hoover Library 4th Tuesday, 7:30PM 1st Saturday, 2PM-5PM If you belong to or know of a user group that is not listed, please let us know by sending E-Mail to Barry Bowden on The Matrix BBS. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Known BBS Numbers For The Birmingham Area NAME NUMBER BAUD RATES MODEM BBS SOFTWARE SUPPORTED TYPE 29 ADAnet One Node 1 854-9074 1200-2400 PCBoard 14.5 29 ADAnet One Node 2 854-2308 1200-2400 PCBoard 14.5 29 ADAnet One Node 3 854-0698 1200-2400 PCBoard 14.5 29 ADAnet One Node 4 854-5863 9600 USR DS PCBoard 14.5 1 Alter-Ego BBS 744-7733 300-9600 USR HST PCBoard 14.5 1 Amiga Alliance ][ 631-0262 300-2400 PCBoard 14.5 4 Arkham Asylum 853-7422 300-9600 USR DS WWIV 4.12 Asgard 663-9171 300-2400 WWIV 4.11 Baudville Node 1 640-4593 300-2400 Oracomm Plus Baudville Node 2 640-4639 300-2400 Oracomm Plus 10-=! Bloom County 856-0587 300-9600 USR DS PCBoard 14.5 13 Bus System 595-1627 300-2400 PCBoard 14.2 17 Byte Me! 979-BYTE! 2400-9600 USR HST WWIV 4.12 CM(ee) BBS Node 1 655-4059 300-2400 Oracomm Plus CM(ee) BBS Node 2 655-4065 300-1200 Oracomm Plus Camelot BBS 856-0679 300-2400 Telegard 2.5 136 Channel 8250 Node 1 744-8546 300-9600 USR DS PCBoard 14.5 136 Channel 8250 Node 2 744-5166 300-9600 USR HST PCBoard 14.5 1 Crunchy Frog Node 1 956-1755 300-9600 USR DS PCBoard 14.5 1 Crunchy Frog Node 2 956-0073 300-9600 USR DS PCBoard 14.5 DataLynx 322-3425 300-2400 WWIV 4.12 Disktop Publishing BBS 854-1660 300-9600 V.32 Wildcat! 3.01 Empire 428-6074 300-2400 Image 1.2 F/X BBS Node 1 823-5777 300-2400 PC Board 14.5 F/X BBS Node 2 822-4570 300-2400 PC Board 14.5 F/X BBS Node 3 822-4526 300-2400 PC Board 14.5 12{ Family Smorgas-Board 744-0943 300-2400 PCBoard 14.5 Graphics Zone Node 1 870-5306 300-9600 MNP4 TBBS 2.1(16) Graphics Zone Node 2 870-5329 300-9600 MNP4 TBBS 2.1(16) Hacker's Corner 674-5449 1200-2400 PCBoard 14.5 Hardeman's BBS 640-6436 1200-2400 Wildcat! 2.55s 13 Hard Disk BBS 987-0794 300-2400 PC Board 14.5 2 I.S.A. BBS 995-6590 300-9600 USR HST Remote Access Infinite Probability 791-0421 2400 PC Board 14.5 13 Joker's Castle 664-5589 300-2400 USR HST PC Board 14.5 Kiriath Arba 681-8374 300-2400 WWIV 4.20 15 Little Kingdom Node 1 969-0007 300-9600 USR DS PCBoard 14.5 15 Little Kingdom Node 2 969-0008 300-2400 MNP4 PCBoard 14.5 1- Magnolia BBS 854-6407 300-9600 USR HST PCBoard 14.2 # Medicine Man BBS 664-5662 300-2400 GTPower 16.00 29 MetaBoard 254-3344 300-2400 Opus Missing Link 853-1257 300-2400 C-Net Night Watch 841-2790 1200-2400 TriTel 2.0 Optical Illusion 853-8062 300-1200 C-Net # Owlabama BBS 833-7176 300-2400 GTPower 15.00 1 Owl's Nest 680-0851 300-9600 PCBoard 14.5 Paradise City 853-1439 1200-2400 PCBoard 14.5 Pooh's Korner 980-8710 300-2400 # Safe Harbor Node 1 665-4332 300-2400 GTPower 15.00 # Safe Harbor Node 2 665-4355 300-9600 USR DS GTPower 15.00 Sperry BBS 853-6144 300-9600 Hayes PCBoard 14.5 1 ST BBS 836-9311 300-2400 PCBoard 14.2 Strawberry Fields 856-0267 300-2400 Telegard 2.7 Teasers 987-0122 300-2400 WWIV 4.20 2 The Bone Yard 631-6023 300-9600 USR HST PCBoard 14.5 The Castle 841-7618 300-2400 C-Base 2.0 The Commodore Zone 856-3783 300-2400 Image1.2 The Den 925-0707 300-9600 USR HST ProLogon/ProDoor 4 The Dragon's Hoard 833-3790 300-2400 WWIV 4.12 12378 The MATRIX Nodes 1-4 323-2016 300-2400 PCBoard 14.5 12378 The MATRIX Nodes 5-7 323-6016 2400-9600 USR DS PCBoard 14.5 The Monster 967-4839 300-2400 Telegard 2.5i 2 The Outer Limits 985-1725 1200-9600 USR HST Wildcat! 3.01 The Quiet Zone 833-2066 300-2400 ExpressNET 2@ The Round Table 938-2145 300-2400 Telegard 2.5i The Safety BBS 581-2866 300-2400 RBBS-PC The Word 833-2831 300-2400 WWIV 4.12 Wildfire 1 942-9576 300-2400 Telegard 2.7 Wild Side 631-0184 300-1200 WWIV 4.20 Willie's DYM Node 1 979-1629 300-2400 Oracomm Plus Willie's DYM Node 2 979-7739 300-2400 Oracomm Plus Willie's DYM Node 3 979-7743 300-1200 Oracomm Plus Willie's DYM Node 4 979-8156 300-1200 Oracomm Plus Wonderland Avenue 699-5811 1200-2400 MNP4 PCBoard 14.5 Ziggy Unaxess 991-5696 300-1200 Unaxess The many symbols you see prior to the names of many of the bbs' in the list signify that they are members of one or more networks that exchange or echo mail to each other in some organized fashion. 1 = EzNet, a local IBM compatible network 2 = FidoNet, an international network, multi-topic 3 = Metrolink, an international network, multi-topic 4 = WWIV-Net, an international network, multi-topic 5 = Intellec, an international network, multi-topic 6 = Uni'Net, an international network, multi-topic 7 = ThrobNet, an international network, adult oriented 8 = ILink, an international network, multi-topic 9 = ADAnet, an international network dedicated to the handicapped 0 = USNetMail, a national network, multi-topic - = RIME, an international network, multi-topic = = TcNet, not certain at publication time ! = RF-Net, a national network, dedicated to amateur radio @ = 93Net, a national network, dedicated to the occult # = GTNet, a national network, multi-topic If you have any corrections, additions, deletions, etc., please let us know via EzNet.