F R A N K T A N G S E L L B E S T G O O D M U S H R O O M ! All type, big varieties, large and small kind, all grow by soothing harp playing. Down in deep cellar grow the best mushroom called Frank Tang. Mushroom like very cold very wet very dark. Frank Tang and Frank Tang wife live in moisty air to make very best mushroom to sound of harp bacharacket by Frank Tang Wife. People ask, How good mushrooms Frank Tang? Most people say very good like lobster mignon. Why so good? Not just because of cold moisty dark and bacharacket by Frank Tang Wife. Big secret is Frank Tang and Frank Tang wife nutrient! Best good mushroom need lots best good nutrient. Not cow nutrient, not pig, not dog. Dog, cow, pig give bad nutrient. Make bad mushroom. Frank Tang and Frank Tang wife nutrient make best kind fast growing. D O U B L E W A S H Frank Tang best good mushroom double wash so not smell. Some mushroom smell very badness like sock corpses before laundry, not Frank Tang mushroom because Frank Tang wife wash every best good mushroom two time with no machine. By hand, best-fashioned way! E A T T H E A L L Frank Tang and Frank Tang wife have tough time not eat the all! With best good mushroom grow right outside Frank Tang and Frank Tang wife bedroom Frank Tang have to order strict no midnight snack to Frank Tang wife! V I T A M I N G L O W Frank Tang best good mushroom glow at night because of good vitamin quantity. Health food person who have eaten Frank Tang best good mushroom all say, "Hey Frank, these crunchy with vitamin!" Vitamin very good, very strong in Frank Tang mushroom, so mushroom good for sick person, athlete person, scuba diving, jog, and fighting. Many disease run off when sick person eat Frank Tang mushroom. P E O P L E N O D I E Some people say big mushroom with spot make you die. No true of Frank Tang best good mushroom. Big spot green and red color not poisoning not make big hightmare alive in daytime like some mushroom. One man think a train eat him after he eat mushroom. This not Frank Tang best good mushroom, this other bad mushroom sold by enemy Frank Tang. C O N S T A N T G O O D N E S S Frank Tang wife eaten over 7,000 Frank Tang best good mushroom and never have vomit or nightmare or complaint. A S K A R E S T A U R A N T If you are in restaurant, be sure to ask, "Only Frank Tang mushroom for me and Mrs., please. Other's no good." If no Frank Tang mushroom, say, "Get Frank Tang best good mushroom quick or go out of my business." S P E C I A L B A R G A I N If you are opening mushroom fast takeout, cal Frank Tang to supply you best good mushroom at discount. Many Americans turning to mushroom as they as a best cheap food, and would enjoy the idea of takeout mushroom, especially Frank Tang best good mushroom! Get a heading start on this idea before you are out-jumped by savvy buisnessmen. P E R F E C T P R E S E N T S When a person unwrap a big variety Frank Tank mushroom on a birth anniversary they are joyed up completely. Buy lots of them and give them as present on most occasions, you will be amazed truly enough! [---------------------------------------------------------------------------] | | | P H O N E F R A N K T A N G H O U S E | | F R A N K T A N G W I F E B I C Y C L E - D E L I V E R | | 5 5 5 - 4 0 7 0 | | | [---------------------------------------------------------------------------] -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- - | FRANK TANG *** | BEST GOOD ***#*** Dept. Only | MUSHROOM * 45 Rock Street | ** Downtown | | Yes, Mr Frank Tang, have Frank Tang wife send, or | Bicycle over, _________ dozen big Frank Tang Best | Good Mushroom. I pay 10 cent each. | | Name____________________________________________ | Where live______________________________________ | What time send__________________________________ -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- - Copyright October 1982 National Lampoon ~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ The Utterly Monstrous, Mind Roasting Summer of O.C and Stiggs. X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X Another file downloaded from: NIRVANAnet(tm) & the Temple of the Screaming Electron Jeff Hunter 510-935-5845 Rat Head Ratsnatcher 510-524-3649 Burn This Flag Zardoz 408-363-9766 realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 415-567-7043 Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 415-583-4102 Specializing in conversations, obscure information, high explosives, arcane knowledge, political extremism, diversive sexuality, insane speculation, and wild rumours. ALL-TEXT BBS SYSTEMS. Full access for first-time callers. We don't want to know who you are, where you live, or what your phone number is. We are not Big Brother. "Raw Data for Raw Nerves" X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X