Actual bumper stickers found on actual cars:


* Horn broken. Watch for finger.

* Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.

* All generalizations are false.

* Cover me.  I'm changing lanes.

* I brake for no apparent reason.

* Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.

* I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

* Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal.

* We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?

* He who laughs last thinks slowest.

* It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

* Auntie Em,  Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog.  Dorothy.

* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

* Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

* I love cats...they taste just like chicken.

* Out of my mind.  Back in five minutes.

* Forget the Joneses, I keep us up with the Simpsons.

* Born free...Taxed to death.

* The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

* Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

* Rehab is for quitters.

* I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

* Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep.

* All men are idiots, and I married their King.

* Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.

* Work is for people who don't know how to fish.

* Montana-At least our cows are sane!

* I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

* Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

* If you don't like the news, go out and make some.

* When you do a good deed, get a receipt-in case heaven is like the IRS..

* Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

* No radio - Already stolen.

* Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

* Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.

* I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

* Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

* OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?

* Few women admit their age;  Fewer men act it.

* I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

* Hard work has a future payoff.  Laziness pays off NOW.

* Tell me to 'stuff it' - I'm a taxidermist.

* IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

* Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.

* It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

* According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.

* Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.

* Pride is what we have.  Vanity is what others have.

* A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

* Reality?  Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?

* How can I miss you if you won't go away?

* Warning:  Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

* Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

* We are born naked, wet, and hungry.  Then things get worse.

* Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.

* Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

* Friends help you move.  Real friends help you move bodies.

* Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.

* Puritanism:  The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

* Consciousness:  That annoying time between naps.

* i souport publik edekashun.

* Be nice to your kids.  They'll choose your nursing home.

* Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

* There are 3 kinds of people:  those who can count & those who can't.

* Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

* Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

* Keep honking...I'm reloading.

* Caution:  I drive like you do.