
                 ,,ggddY"""Ybbgg,,             subversive literature
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   `8,                    888888888888'      ,8'
    `8a                   "8888888888I      a8'   Writers:
     `Yba                  `Y8888888P'    adP'    Melatonin
       "Yba                 `888888P'   adY"      Gnarly Wayne
         `"Yba,             d8888P" ,adP"'        BMC
            `"Y8baa,      ,d888P,ad8P"'    
 -    -   -  - -``""YYba8888P""''===================------- -- -  -   -    -
   MARCH 9, 2003                INSTALLMENT 229        BMC, EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
 -    -   -  - -- -------===========================------- -- -  -   -    -


                         FEATURED IN THIS INSTALLMENT:

                        SAPPHIRE TUXEDO - Gnarly Wayne
                            Clicker 65 - Melatonin
        The Adventures of Super Brecken and Joel Tha Magnificent - BMC


 -    -   -  - -- -------===========================------- -- -  -   -    -

                                EDITOR'S NOTE

 -    -   -  - -- -------===========================------- -- -  -   -    -


  this issue tears up the track like an all-gold mercades.

  as our solid gold tires crack and crumble off, you'll want to follow close
  behind, picking up every priceless nugget.  we may be putting ourselves in
  danger as we do with every issue, yes, but every car we sideswipe and
  every median we bank against will leave a trail of quality, and quality is
  what you're looking for.

  and as we run headfirst into an oncoming firetruck, or are sandwiched
  between two flaming semis full of kerosene, or take a sharp right while
  we're halfway across the brooklyn bridge, you can honour us for being so
  brave as to drive in a car with solid gold windows.

  or, you can just point and laugh at our dead bodies, ground to a golden
  paste.  just to let us know you care.


 -    -   -  - -- -------===========================------- -- -  -   -    -

                        SAPPHIRE TUXEDO - Gnarly Wayne

 -    -   -  - -- -------===========================------- -- -  -   -    -

  For the third day in a row I was sent home from work early.  The reason
  why apparently isn't all that important.  I grumbled as I fumbled with
  my keys and bumbled into my house.  I immediately froze upon entering
  the foyer.  Something was wrong.  Something was........ amiss.  My eyes
  scanned slowly from one side of the room to the other.  I imagined that if
  I was in a movie, there would be some high-pitched string instruments
  playing some chilling music right now.

  I found what was different from this morning when I had left the house.
  Now there was a 7 foot tall crate in the middle of my living room.  This
  must be my special order that I special ordered.  As I hacked the wooden
  beast open with my crowbar, my brow became damp.  Not because of the
  physical excertion of opening the crate, but because of the sheer
  anxiety.  As the walls fell away from its precious cargo, I had to hold up
  my hands to cover myself from the intense blue beauty that stood before
  me.

  My sapphire tuxedo had finally arrived.                    

  If you could only had seen me... just seen me in that tuxedo... a tuxedo
  made entirely of sapphire... if you can just even capture that feeling for
  a brief second... then you will know exactly how I now feel every single
  second of every single day.

  Needless to say, my boss was NOT pleased to see me flaunt awkwardly round
  the office in my tux.  I went around to the cubicles of my former
  co-workers and made small talk with them.

  "Gee... this office looks like its missing something.  Oh wait, I know
  what it is.  This room doesn't have a SOLID SAPPHIRE TUXEDO.  Ha Ha hA!"

  "So... how's it going?  Oh, is this a new picture of your kid?  He's
  pretty cute.  Hey, I'll bet I know what that kid doesn't have... a SOLID
  SAPPHIRE TUXEDO!  Bend to my will!"

  "Why are you crying?  Is it because you don't have a SOLID SAPPHIRE
  TUXEDO?"

  After they called the police, I made my attempt to leave but it took
  too long because it is really hard to walk correctly when you're wearing
  a SOLID SAPPHIRE TUXEDO.  The police were all hiding behind their cars
  with their assortment of weaponry pointed at me.  Flood lights reflected
  off my sapphire tuxedo in a dazzling arrangement of blues and light blues.
  They immediately opened fire upon my chest, but I just laughed.  That gave
  them a clue not to step in my path.  I laughed heartily... my heartiest
  laugh ever.

  "Fools!" I bellowed.  "You cannot harm a man dress in a sapphire tuxedo!"

  Apparently the sniper who blew my head off disagreed with me.


 -    -   -  - -- -------===========================------- -- -  -   -    -

                           Clicker 65 - Melatonin

 -    -   -  - -- -------===========================------- -- -  -   -    -

  Wait a second, where's the clicker? 

  The clicker -- where is it? 

  No, seriously, where's the clicker? 

  Martha, did you see the clicker? 

  I can't find the clicker. 

  Martha, get in here!  I can't find the clicker!  Someone stole the
  clicker!

  Oh my God I can't believe it someone broke in here and stole the clicker
  right off the coffee table!

  What kind of a lunatic breaks into a house just to steal a clicker?!? 

  Martha, call the police!  Call 9-1-1! 

  Don't give me any lip, woman, just call them!  I want my clicker back! 

  CLIIIIIIIIIIIIICKER!!! 

  COME BACK TO ME, O DEAR CLIIIIIIIIIIICKER!!! 

  <weeping> 

  Sniff.  This is terrible.  How can I watch my stories if I don't have my
  clicker?

  I'm missing Everyone Loves Raymond as we speak. 

  RAAAAAAAAYMOND!!! 

  I LOOOOOVE YOU!!!

  <more weeping> 

  O poor sweet missing clicker, what have I done to deserve this? 

  I could kill the man who stole my clicker. 

  If I saw him right now, I would kill him. 

  Let me go, Martha!  I mean it, I'm going to go kill that clicker thief
  right now!

  That bastard just made my list of things to kill today. 

  OK, OK, you're right.  First thing's first.  Mustn't get ahead of myself.
  Supper, then murder.
  
  Can you pass the pork? 

  These potatoes are lumpy. 

  This gravy is too thin. 

  What is this?  It looks like snot. 

  Dang blast it, woman!  Are you feeding me snot now!?! 

  First my home is sullied by a clicker thief, and now you're making me eat
  snot!  I can't handle this!

  I want a divorce. 

  I want my clicker back. 

  My teeth are sore. 

  You know, this snot ain't half bad. 

  Yum. 

  OK, time for my mid-evening nap. 

  'Night Martha.  Hugs and kisses. 

  I love you, Martha. 

  Wake me when the police get here. 

  <snoring>


 -    -   -  - -- -------===========================------- -- -  -   -    -

        The Adventures of Super Brecken and Joel Tha Magnificent - BMC

 -    -   -  - -- -------===========================------- -- -  -   -    -

  It was -30 outside and the wind was gusting to 65 kmph.

  Super Brecken was like, "Let's walk across the world's longest walking
  bridge.  It's only 581 metres."

  Joel tha Magnificent struck a hip-hop pose and said, "Well, when you add
  on the mere 100m that the bridge is from our door, that's a simple 1362m
  round trip."

  And Super Brecken pulled out the dubbin, saying, "Shine up them boots,
  muthafucka.  There's plenty o' snow where we be goin."

  And Joel tha Magnificent was like "Word."

  So they shined and shined and shined, and before you know it the boots
  were so shiny that they were walking out the door.
   
  "People around here don't bother to shovel the snow off the sidewalk,"
  said Super Brecken as she motioned for Joel tha Magnificent to follow her
  up a snow-covered hill with a thin layer of ice on it (the result of
  February rains).  "Joel, do you know why people here don't shovel their
  sidewalks?"

  Joel tha Magnificent thought about this for a couple of seconds.  "Because
  it snows all the time?" he asked.

  "That is correct, Joel.  You are very wise."  As Super Brecken said this,
  her foot went through the ice and fell in past the knee.  It was just soft
  snow below the ice, though.  Don't worry, it was not water.

  Super Brecken later discovered she had received a bruise to the leg, but
  it was very cold outside and so her skin was too numb to feel it.

  Once they got to the bridge they noticed that it did not seem to be as
  very windy as the weather site told them.  They did not realize that the
  wind was at their backs and would not begin to harm them until they
  started heading back.  But that is perhaps too much foreshadowing for the
  moment.

  One quarter of the way across the bridge, Super Brecken and Joel tha
  Magnificent discovered a huge windproof plastic sheet stuck up against the
  railing of the bridge.  They took it and held it out like a ship's sail.
  The wind almost carried them off the bridge, but were sure to let go of
  the sheet before it was too late.

  Later, Super Brecken and Joel tha Magnificent kicked an huge frozen-solid
  snowball that was over three feet high.  They did this to hone their ninja
  skills, which were already highly developed.

  On the way back it was really windy and the wind whipped their faces until
  it hurt (oh yeah, I already mentioned that part).

  For supper they made curry with chick peas, urid dal, baby corn, and
  tofu.  But before they did this, they touched their faces, smoothed out by
  the icy wind.  They had received a skin peel courtesy of nature.  They
  hadn't seen anything like it since Saskatchewan's dust storm of '02.

  And the super heroes lived happily ever after.


 -    -   -  - -- -------===========================------- -- -  -   -    -

  The Neo-Comintern Magazine / Online Magazine is seeking submissions.
  Unpublished stories and articles of an unusual, experimental, or
  anti-capitalist nature are wanted.  Contributors are encouraged to
  submit works incorporating any or all of the following: Musings, Delvings
  into Philosophy, Flights of Fancy, Freefall Selections, and Tales of
  General Mirth.  The more creative and astray from the norm, the better.
  For examples of typical Neo-Comintern writing, see our website at
  <http://www.neo-comintern.com>.

  Submissions of 25-4000 words are wanted; the average article length is
  approximately 200-1000 words.  Send submissions via email attachment to
  <bmc@neo-comintern.com>, or through ICQ to #29981964.

  Contributors will receive copies of the most recent print issue of The
  Neo-Comintern; works of any length and type will be considered for
  publication in The Neo-Comintern Online Magazine and/or The Neo-Comintern
  Magazine.

 -    -   -  - -- -------===========================------- -- -  -   -    -
    ___________________________________________________
   | THE COMINTERN IS AVAILABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBSES |
   |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
   | TWILIGHT ZONE                      (905) 432-7667 |
   | BRING ON THE NIGHT                 (306) 373-4218 |
   | CLUB PARADISE                      (306) 978-2542 |
   | THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME           (306) 373-9778 |
   |___________________________________________________|
   |     Website at: http://www.neo-comintern.com      |
   |        Questions?  Comments?  Submissions?        |
   |        Email BMC at bmc@neo-comintern.com         |
   |___________________________________________________|

 -    -   -  - -- -------===========================------- -- -  -   -    -
  copyright 2003 by                                            #229-03/09/03
  the neo-comintern

  All content is property of The Neo-Comintern.
  You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and
  the content must not be altered or modified in any way.  Unauthorized use
  of any part of this document is prohibited.  All rights reserved.  Made in
  Canada.

