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              Outbreak Magazine Issue #13 - Article 3 of 15
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Crossing the Styx
by: BMC


Hi.  My name is Chiron.  From the Greek Myths, remember?  I hear my name get 
mentioned in stories all the time, or sometimes it's just "That guy who oars 
the boat across the River Styx."  I'm never the one the story's about, though.  
It's like nobody knows that I ever did anything besides carry souls into 
Hades.  Well it's true that I carried many of the legends back and forth on 
their journies.  Orpheus, Theseus, Heracles, and Persephone to name a few, but 
enough name dropping for a second.  Sure it's true that I played an integral 
part in some of the most important myths to be told, but nobody ever gives me 
credit for it.  That's why I'm never going back there.

You know, people were never able to get across the Styx before I showed up.  
Before I got there people had to swim across if they were going to Hades.  
Why would they want to go to there in the first place?  Good question.  I 
have no idea.  First they die, then they go to Hades.  I just row the boat.  

When I got to Hades I was met with mayhem and confusion.  Let me tell you first 
off that dead people can't swim.  So you know what happens?  They try to walk 
across, thinking that since they are dead they can walk under the water without 
having to breathe.  They're dead, after all; they can't die.  But did you know 
about the crevices in the riverbed?  No.  Not many people do.  Mostly just the 
ones who are stuck in them.  

So I made Hades a deal.  Make me immortal and I'll get those people across the 
river. That's it.  You want souls, you've got 'em.  So a deal was made.  It took 
me years of work and a life investment blown on scuba diving equipment, but I 
finally got all of those immortal water chuggers out of there.  Was Hades pleased?  
I didn't really care.  I was doing this for me and nothing else.  

After years of intense diving, I learned that my dog, my only friend in the world, 
had died.  I had forgotten about him for the last few years and now he was in Hades.  
I was pissed off.  I threatened to sue.  This wasn't part of the agreement.

So Hades (the god) tried to haggle with me.  In the end we decided that he got the 
dog during the week, but I could have him on weekends.  He also gave me a job in the 
underworld and it paid fairly well.  I got a boat to ride back and forth across 
Styx in, and I also got to keep the pennies that the deads handed me from on their 
tongues or eyelids.  It wasn't bad pay, but still, it was a tedious job.  Then I 
looked at the fine print and realized two things.  First, I wasn't entitled to paid 
vacations at any time EVER.  Second, there was a clause in my contract that said 
that I would never become a famous mythological hero like practically everyone 
else of the time.

So I quit.  It took me about 6000 years, but I finally got out of the boat rowing 
game.  No more watching that Sisyphus trying to roll that damned rock up the hill 
or Ixion tied up to the flaming wheel.  Nope, now it's just me, Chiron, and that't 
the bottom line.  I've got a nice fortune saved up from all of the pennies I've 
collected over the years.  Most of them are now rare and extremely valuable.  Most 
collectors wouldn't believe that I have a Minos head silver dollar at AU 65 grade.  
But it is TRUE!

And that's the real story, in case anyone asks you.  So if you ever want to go to 
Hades, which I seriously doubt you would, make sure to die with a personal flotation 
device in hand, or better yet, just take swimming lessons.  Or better yet, just go 
to Regina for a month.