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              .:How to Properly Crank Call some poor fool:.
                        Written by: ((.)) The Bullseye!

    Well, you will probally say, upon reading the title, that you already
know how to crank call somebody.  Not really...There are many different
ways to crank call a person, mentioned below in several catagories.

        Why crank call a person, you might ask?  Well, some people flat
out deserve it.  Like the tough kid in your class, or the kid with the
parents who don't give a hang what the kid does...It's these kind of
people that deserve what they get.  I don't like crank calling people
just because "They're ugly","They're a dork.", etc.  Only crank call
people if they deserve it, and if you want to have some serious fun.


.:Silly stuff
        I don't like making silly crank calls. These are the childish
ones like giggling into the fone, leaving harsh messages on people's
answering machines, screaming and hanging up, or something else dumb.
I don't waste my time with these, as you can get pinned for these most
often.

.:Scared?
        Well, I have several ideas on this subject.  One of the most cruel,
is "Check on the Baby!" or "Don't come out of the house!" or something nasty
to that effect.  My favorite conversion goes like this:

Them: "Hello?"
You: "Hello.  My name is (Whatever) from 'S' & 'M' Industries, and we'd
      like to confirm your order of (whatever, usually sexual stuff.)
      that you phoned in last weekend."
Them: "I did not!"
You: (State their address, fone #, etc.) and say that the order has already
      gone through, and will arrive shortly, anytime from now, to six
      weeks.
Them: "Gag."

  Use a calm speaking tone when doing this, and insist that they ordered it.
It's such fun.  

   For parents with kids who are real hell-raisers, call up and say that
you are Officer (Whatever, use a real cop-name) and that their son has
been picked up on charges of (Tresspassing, Indecent Exposure, Prostitution,
or whatever) and they you'd like for the adult to come get the child.
Really disrupts a household.


.:Other things to do...
        Well, if you REALLY dislike somebody, call one of those 800(toll
free) numbers, and order them something, C.O.D., of course...Something
useless, like kitchen knives, 3-D Graphic Plotters, and other things.)
This pisses people off, especially when you do it three times in a week.


   When you crank call, have guts.  Don't just call up, scream "FUCK YOU!"
and hang up.  What you SHOULD do is call up, scream "FUCK YOU!" and wait
for an answer...They usually hang up, which is a real pity.  When they
threaten to call the police, remember that this takes time.  In this
time, have fun!


  That's about it, or that's all that comes to mind at this point.
Remember, you don't know where you got this information from, once
again.

            ((.)) The Bullseye [[.]]




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