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                HOW TO REALLY HAVE FUN WITH DRIVE-THRUS
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            By: Commander Neff                June, 1989

   After reading several files about how to "have fun" at drive-thrus, and,
having the benifit of being an ex-fast food worker, there are a few things I
have to say.

THINGS THAT ARE POINTLESS TO DO:
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--Yelling into the speaker. Some people seem to get a kick out of doing this,
but it is pointless as almost all drive thru systems have a volume control on
the order-takers end.

--Leaving trash from other resturants around. If someone comes into McDonalds
with a Burger King cup, who cares?

--When the order taker says something like "Anything else?", saying something
like "Did I ask for anything else" or anything to that effect is so unoriginal.
I must have heard that about 10 times a day.

--When the order taker asks for your order, saying "No thanks, I'm not hungry"
and driving off never bothered me a bit. That, too, happened about 10 times a
day.

  Now, there are a few things you can do to really create anarchy. Probably
the best example of anarchy I saw was when an old fart drove thru the WRONG WAY!
Wow, that really fucked things up for awhile! Try it, as it will really congest
things...

     OK, where I worked, the speaker was almost always breaking down. So, often,
customers would see a sign that said "OUT OF ORDER- PLEASE PULL THROUGH TO
WINDOW .  THANK-YOU."  Of course, when the speaker wasn't working, service was
about five times slower, because the food could not be prepaired while the
customer was waiting to get to the window. So, if you pull up to a drive thru
and there is nobody behind you, tape up a sign like that. People will drive up
to the window, and not order at the speaker. This will really slow things down
for awhile.

     Another thing that slows things down is when, especially during a rush,
someone stalls. Wait until your the second car before the window, then turn off
your car. Get out, and pop the hood and look under it, etc... Oh no, my car
broke down again!

     Well, here is something that is probably of little use, but this happenend
to me a few times. A couple of spics would come by, and, of course, couldn't
speak English. They had a hard time just saying the name of the food they
ordered, and when they got to the window, they couldn't grasp the concept of
$4.82. They also asked a few questions in Spanish. Well, I had had two years of
Spanish so I managed to communicate with them, but it was still hard. If you've
had a year or two of French or Russian or something, try pretending that you
don't speak English. Hehe, most fast food workers will be quite confused...
     Order a bunch of stuff, and when they read it back to you, tell them "No,
no no it was 4 large fries, 3 small Cokes..." and say it real fast. Then when
they read it back to you again, change it around somemore... The poor cashier
will think he/she is fucking up, and will get real pissed. Then, at the end,
just say "Fuck it, give me 1 burger and 1 fry."

     If it's late at night or something... After you place your order, say
something like "...And YOU, to go!" Create a little sexual inuendo. Harmless,
but fun... This happened to me several times. Some of the "conversations" got
pretty explicit...

     Well, to sum it up- Drive thrus can be great fun. Just saying cute things
doesn't do to much...However, driving thru the wrong way sure does. Just keep
this in mind. If by some great chance, you happen to work at a fast food place
with a drive thru AND the attitude of the management is "We don't give a shit /
Piss off customers, great, less work for us" (like where I worked)  here are a
few good things to try:

--When someone really fat comes by and orders 5 cheeseburgers, say "Better make
it two, you're too fat!" or "Better make that a DIET coke!"

--Throw their change into their car.

--"Thank you, please drive around carefully and watch for Manatees..."

--"We're closed, Fuck off and die."

--"Hello, would you like to try a taco supreme? They taste like shit, but they
only cost $.99!"

--"Would you like an order of whale penises to go with that?"

--"I'd like a taco, and a..."

"Sorry, we're out of tacos!"
"You're out of tacos?! Ok, I'll have a nacho supreme..."
"Sorry, we're out of nacho supremes..." etc.

--Find a dead bird, cat, etc. and put it on a hamburger bun. Would you like to
try our new McRoadKill?

Well, I'm sure you can think of more. But, these are all actual things that I
did or was around when they happened...
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That's just about it for now. I take no responsibility for any terror induced
hereafter...Remember- you get out of a drive thru what you put in!

One last thing:
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Contrary to popular belief, fast food workers do NOT spend all their spare time
spitting in the food.
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| Powerage Circus  (813)-371-3498 |
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