 



                   $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
                   $                                      $
                   $                 MONEY                $
                   $                                      $
                   $               LAUNDERING             $
                   $                                      $
                   $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
                             $         BY        $
                             $                   $
                             $ BIG BAD BARBARIAN $
                             $                   $
                             $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

LAUN-DER (LON'DER), V.T. & V.I. 1. TO WASH, IRON, ETC. (CLOTHES).  2. THE
     REROUTING, OR CONVERSION IN ANY WAY, OF HOT, UNTAXED MONEY OR OTHER ASSETS
     INTO UNTRACEABLE OR APPARENTLY LEGITIMATE CASH OR ASSETS.

THIS FILE DEALS WITH HOW SOME PEOPLE DO THE LATTER, AND IS NOT A CONDONEMENT.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

     LET'S SAY THIS GUY HAS JUST COME INTO ABOUT $1,000,000 AND DIDN'T WIN ANY
BOY SCOUT BADGES GETTING IT.  WHAT DOES HE DO WITH IT?

     HE CAN'T KEEP IT IN HIS HOUSE, BECAUSE IF THE COPS GET A SEARCH WARRANT
AGAINST HIM, A DUFFEL BAG FILLED WITH CASH UNDER THE BED CAN BE EMBARASSING.

     HE COULD PUT IT INTO A SAFE DEPOSIT BOX, BUT HE'D EITHER HAVE TO VISIT IT
TOO OFTEN, WHICH WOULD SUSPICIOUSLY SHOW UP ON THE BANK'S RECORDS, OR VISIT IT
INFREQUENTLY, WHICH MEANS CARRYING HUGE SUMS OF CURRENCY AROUND.  IN EITHER
CASE, IF THE POLICE WANT TO LOOK AT THE BOX, THE BANK HAS TO LET THEM.

     A CHECKING ACCOUNT?  BY LAW, DEPOSITS OF MORE THAN $10,000 HAVE TO BE
REPORTED TO THE TREASURY DEPARTMENT.  IF OUR FRIEND JUST DEPOSITED $9,000 AT
A TIME, HE HAVE TO MAKE OVER 30 TRANSACTIONS, ANOTHER FLAG IN THE AIR FOR THE
AUTHORITIES TO SEE.  (BANKS JUST LOVE TO COOPERATE WITH THE GOOFAMAN).

     THIS GUY CAN'T WIN, CAN HE?  WHEN YOU DEAL WITH BANKS, YOU LEAVE TRACKS.
YOU COULD SPEND A FEW THOUSAND A YEAR AND ATTRACT NO ATTENTION, BUT WHO WANTS
TO LIVE ON 5 DIGITS A YEAR WHEN YOU'VE GOT 7 DIGITS LAYING AROUND?  DIRTY MONEY
MUST BE LAUNDERED IN ORDER FOR IT TO TRULY BECOME YOUR CASH.  THE METHODS FOR
DOING THIS VARY DEPENDING ON CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES.

                                      ---

SECURITIES:  JERRY ZELMANOWITZ, A MOB OPERATIVE, SOLVED THE PROBLEM OF
LAUNDERING STOLEN SECURITIES.  ANY GOOD THIEF WILL KEEP HIS STOLEN MONEY,
JEWELRY, AND ASSORTED GOODIES, AND TRASH THE SECURITIES.  JERRY CHANGED ALL
THIS BY OPENING SOME EUROPEAN BANK ACCOUNTS, TRANSFERRING FUNDS AROUND TO SHOW
SEVERAL LEGITIMATE TRANSACTIONS, AND THEN USING THE STOLEN SECURITIES FOR LOAN
COLLATERAL.  HE KEPT THE LOANS OUTSTANDING, AND HIS CLIENTS HAD SOME NIFTY
CAPITAL TO WORK WITH.  THEY COULD PAY THEIR LOANS BACK, KEEP REFINANCING THEM,
OR SIMPLY DEFAULT ON THEM, LETTING THE BANK DISPOSE OF THE COLLATERAL.
     THE CATCH?  A BANK CLERK MAY HAVE CHECKED THE SECURITIES AGAINST A
HOT-LIST AND CAUGHT THE GUY.  ANOTHER OPERATIVE GOT AROUND THIS BY PUTTING A
BANK CLERK IN HIS BACK POCKET, WHO THEN SWITCHED THE STOLEN SECURITIES FOR
LEGIT ONES OF THE SAME ISSUE.  BUT WHAT IF ANOTHER CLERK CHECKS THE SERIAL
NUMBERS?  YIKES!  NO WAY AROUND THAT ONE.

SMALL CHANGE: E THE $1,000,000 IS IN $1'S, $5'S, $10'S, $20'S, THE KIND
OF BILLS WITH WHICH JUNKIES PAY FOR DRUGS, JOHNS PAY THEIR HOOKER'S PIMP, ETC.
HE CAN'T REALLY WALTZ INTO A SWEDISH BANK AND PLOP A MOUNTAIN OF DIRTY,
CRUMPLED LITTLE BILLS AND SAY "I'D LIKE TO MAKE A DEPOSIT, PLEASE.  I OWN A
7-11 IN THE STATES AND THIS IS MY CASH-DRAWER TAKE."
     TO SOLVE THIS, YOU DON'T EVEN NEED TO GO TO EUROPE.  JUST PUT A BANK CLERK
IN THE PALM OF YOUR HAND (THERE IS AN UNDERWORLD BANKING SYSTEM OUT THERE -
MEMBERS ARE NOT HARD TO FIND).  THEY TAKE YOUR $1'S AND $5'S AND TURN THEM INTO
CLEAN, CRISP $50'S AND $100'S.  THE BANK DOESN'T SUFFER, AND NEITHER DOES THE
CLERK (CLERKS IN BIG CITY BANKS TAKE 1% OF WHAT THE LAUNDER).  THE ONLY LAW
THEY BREAK IS NOT REPORTING $10,000-PLUS TRANSACTIONS.  BUT IT DOES WORK, FOR
AWHILE.  BEFORE GETTING CAUGHT, EMPLOYEES OF CHEMICAL BANK CHANGED OVER
$8,000,000.

SMALL BUSINESS: THE IRS IS AS BIG A PROBLEM FOR A CROOK AS THE FBI.  IF YOU
OWN TWO BUILDINGS, FIVE LAMBORGHINIS, TAKE SEMI-ANNUAL TRIPS TO TAHITI, YOU
CAN'T TURN AROUND AND TELL THE IRS YOU MAKE $15,000 A YEAR AS A MAIL SORTER
(SOMEONE TRIED THAT RECENTLY - WITHOUT SUCCESS).
     ONE CROOK OWNED A DINER ON THE SIDE.  AT NIGHT, HE WOULD DISMISS HIS
CASHIER AND START RINGING UP PHONY SALES WITH HIS STOLEN CASH.  HE'D REPORT
HIS PROFITS HONESTLY, PAY TAXES ON THEM, AND KEEP, PERHAPS, 50% OF HIS DIRTY
LOOT.  BUT NOW IT WAS CLEAN LOOT, AND AS LONG AS THE IRS GOT ITS TAX MONEY, IT
HAD NO REASON TO NOTIFY THE FEDS.  HE USED HIS ILLEGALLY INFLATED PROFITS TO
BUY SOME MORE DINERS, AND LAUNDER EVEN LARGER AMOUNTS OF DIRTY CASH.
     WHEN HE BOUGHT THE DINERS, HE MIGHT HAVE TOLD THE IRS THAT HE PAID LESS
FOR THEM THAN HE ACTUALLY DID.  IF AN AUDIT WAS DONE, THE IRS WOULD HAVE
SUSPECTED THE SELLER OF UNDERHANDED DOINGS, NOT THE BUYER WITH THE HOT CASH.

LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT:  TRAVELER'S CHECKS ARE PROBABLY THE BEST METHOD OF
CLEANING CASH.  HOWEVER, SPECIAL RECORDS ARE KEPT FOR CHECKS MADE OUT FOR MORE
THAN $5,000.  BUT IN A BIG CITY, ONE CAN PURCHASE SEVERAL KINDS OF TRAVELER'S
CHECKS FROM A VARIETY OF OUTLETS.  TO LAUNDER $100,000 OF CASH WOULD MEAN
MAKING TRIPS TO 20 DIFFERENT OFFICES, BUT THAT'S NOT BAD FOR ONE DAY OF WORK,
ONCE A MONTH.  THE ONLY ADDITIONAL LABOR IS IN BURNING THE CHECKS, FLUSHING
THE ASHES DOWN THE WHITE WISHING WELL, AND TAKING THE RECEIPTS BACK FOR
REFUNDS OF CLEAN, UNTRACEABLE MOOLA.

LEAVE HOME WITH IT:  BETTER THAN GETTING A REFUND AT AN AMERICAN OFFICE,
IT'S SAFER TO TAKE A TRIP TO A FOREIGN COUNTRY, PREFERABLY SWEDEN, REFUND YOUR
MONEY THERE, AND OPEN AN ACCOUNT.  SOME BANKS IN SWEDEN REQUIRE AMERICANS TO
SIGN A WAIVER OF THE SWEDISH BANK SECRECY LAWS, BUT IF A CUSTOMER MAKES A BIG
STINK AND DROPS A $100,000 WAD OF CASH ON THE COUNTER, THE BANKER MAY MAKE AN
EXCEPTION TO THIS POLICY . . .
     THIS MONEY IS NOW SUBJECT TO AMERICAN TAX LAWS, AND YOUR NAME BETTER NOT
BE ON THIS ACCOUNT.  IF SOMEONE CAN'T GET THE BENEFIT OF THE SWISS SECRECY
LAWS AND HAS TO SIGN THE WAIVER, THERE ARE ALTERNATIVES.  EUROBONDS, FOR ONE.
THESE ARARER SECURITIES, AND DON'T HAVE NAMES ON THEM.  HE CAN SAFELY
REDEEM AND SELL THESE EUROBONDS ALMOST ANYWHERE IN WESTERN EUROPE, AND THE IRS
DOESN'T HAVE TO KNOW ABOUT THEM.
     BUT SUPPOSE THIS SCHMUCK DOESN'T WANT TO BLOW ALL HIS MONEY BUYING
SOUVENIRS IN BULGARIA?  A RISKIER BUT HANDIER METHOD IS TO OBTAIN A FALSE
PASSPORT (USE A CERTIFIED COPY OF A BIRTH CERTIFICATE OF A DEAD INFANT WITH
THE SAME PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES AS HIMSELF TO GET ONE).  HE CAN OPEN THE SWEDISH
ACCOUNT UNDER A PHONY NAME, AND THEN TRANSFER IT TO HIS LEGITIMATE AMERICAN
ACCOUNT IN HIS REAL NAME.  THEN HE CAN JUST TELL THE GOVERNMENT (IF THEY ASK)
THAT A SWEDE SENT THE MONEY TO BE INVESTED IN A DINER OR SOMETHING.

THE JIM AND TAMMY SCAM:  INSTEAD OF OPENING A BUSINESS, A MIDWESTERN CON
BECAME AN PREACHER (IRONIC, ISN'T IT?) AND STARTED A TRAVELING EVANGELICAL TENT
SHOW.  A MOB MESSENGER WOULD ARRIVE JUST IN TIME FOR THE PLATE PASSIN', AND
DUMP A GOODLY CACHE OF CASH INTO IT.  THE PREACHER ACCOUNTED FOR THE MONEY AS
CONTRIBUTIONS AND SENT IT BACK TO THE MOB, MINUS A CERTAIN PERCENTAGE.  THE
PERCENTAGE WOULD THAN BE ACCOUNTED FOR AS OVERPAYMENTS FOR CHURCHES, SCHOOLS,
WHATEVER.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT ALL THESE METHODS ARE KNOWN BECAUSE THE PEOPLE WHO USED
THEM WERE EVENTUALLY CAUGHT AND SERVED TIME.  NOTHING IS FOOL-PROOF.  IF YOU
WANT TO MAKE EASY MONEY, GO TO THE BANK WITH A CHECK FOR, SAY, $200.  WHEN THE
PURDY LITTLE THANG BEHIND THE TELLER WINDOW ASKS YOU HOW YOU WANT IT, SAY, "I'D
LIKE 1 $100, 2 $50'S, AND 5 $20'S".  SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THEN CALL THESE HAPPENIN' 312 (CHICAGO) BOARDS:

WILD SIDE............777-4184           RIPCO INTERNATIONAL....528-5020
TEMPLE OF APSHAI.....736-6072           20/20 VIDEO............769-2020
                        FRANKENSTEIN'S LAB...631-1233

STAY UNCIVILIZED . . .
                                   BIG BAD BARBARIAN
                                                         A WARRIOR TO THE BONE!


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