Fun things to do to an asshole's car---By Delta Burke

1)  Get  inside  the car and run a jumper wire from the brake switch to the
  horn, positive side. Use heavy guage wire(12 or better) with  crimp  hoop
  type  connectors  to  insure a good connection. This trick will result in
  the horn honking everytime they step on the brakes.

2) An easy one: Take the distributor cap off and either remove the rotor or
  pull it off and replace it in another position. Results in the car either
  not running or running like shit...

3) Get under the hood and re-arrange the spark plug  wires.  Provides  many
  hours of amusment.

4)  Loosen  the  slack  bolt  on  the  bracket that tightens the belt for the
  alternator. Move the bracket inwards an inch or two, then re-tighten  the
  bolt. This will result in a late dead battery.

5) Place small rocks in the wheel covers of all four tires. Remember to use¨
  VERY tiny ones and large ones will be noticed if they remove the covers.

6)  A  more  dangerous trick: Loosen all the lug nuts or just take them off
  and replace the wheel covers. Results are pretty obvious.

7) Another good one: Place very long nails, two per side, at  a  45  degree
  angle with the points in toward the tire.

8) Dangerous: Remove the retainer nut and bolt on the steering wheel. It is¨
  usually covered by the horn, so it wont be very obvious until they try to¨
  turn the car...

9)  Very Cruel: Get under the car and back the oil pan plug out until it is
  just hanging by the last thread or two. The vibrations will back  it  out
  the rest of the way.

10)  Also  try  the last trick with the transmission. Or better is the rear
   axle. There is a drain plug for the gear oil on the bottom.

11) For the gas tank: Sugar, sand or  water  all  work  VERY  well  for  an
   effective trick.

12)  Dead  animals  in  the engine compartment, on or near the engine smell
   just wonderful when the engine warms up. Also, a fresh road kill in  the
   spare tire space works VERY good.

13) On the same note, a live skunk in the car with the windows up almost
   all  the  way(so  it  wont  die) will provide hours of fun. Good luck in
   catching that skunk.

14) Drill a series of very small  holes  in  the  exhaust  line  after  the
   muffler. Or better is drilling a hole or two in the muffler itself.

15) Dangerous: Take a razor blade to the brake lines.

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Delta Burke 1991

